Parenting: Discipline
November 9, 2011 by Mum Admin
Filed under Childhood Development
Differences Between Punishment and Discipline
DISCIPLINE /PUNISHMENT
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Encourages the development of internal controls.
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Child learn to cooperate in order to feel good about himself
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Is consistent but flexible
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Is logical and predictable
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Encourages the making of wise choices and independent thinking
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Develops high self-esteem
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Encourages conscience development
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Flourishes in a democratic atmosphere
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Implies realistic expectations of the child
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Encourages warm, caring relationships.
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Allows child to learn from mistakes
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Focuses on behaviour without condemning the child
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Implies moral judgment and equates the person with the wrong behaviour
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Permits choices and encourages a sense of autonomy and responsibility
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Is concerned with present
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PUNISHMENT
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Relies on external control
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Child learns to obey to avoid pain or discomfort
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May be inconsistent or rigid
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Is often arbitrary and illogical
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Is based on power and control
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Develops shame, guilt and anxiety
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Encourages rebellion and deceit or dependent submissiveness
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Belongs within an autocratic, authoritarian environment
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May be inappropriate for the child’s developmental level
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Encourages relationships based on fear and avoidance of hurt or power struggles.
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Makes child afraid of making mistakes
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Demands obedience and encourages dependence
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Frequently drags up the past
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EFFECTIVE PARENTING DISCIPLINE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE
1. Negotiate rules with your children.
2. Enhance their self-esteem.
3. Teach accountability and consequences.
4. Parents must be role-models.
5. Parents must understand the life-world of children.
6. Teach children to be assertive.
7. Discuss and debate issues with your children.
8. Be an empathetic listener.
9. Bond with your children.
10. Punitive measures must be agreed upon and implemented.
11. Need for consistency.
12. Rewards must be used appropriately.
13. Intrinsic motivation and self-discipline needs to be applauded and encouraged.
14. Both parents must be consistent – no spouse must be undermined.
15. Discipline must be underpinned by love.
16. Avoid blaming, shaming and ridiculing such as “you are stupid.”
17. It is never too late to start.
18. Stay in a relationship with your children.
19. Affirm your children.
20. Look at the strengths of your children.
21. Remember comparisons are often odious.
Source: edriskhamissa.com
Islam encorages parents to show sublim manners and kind treatment,in order that the children may grow up righteous and feel dignified and appreciated.Al-Bukhari relates that the holy prophet SAW said: Allah SWT loves lenience in every thing.Abu-Dawud and At-Trimidhi relates that the holy prohet SAW said: Mercy givers are given mercy by the All-Merciful.Give mercy to those on earth, so that He who is in heaven may give mercy to you.
Tips on how discipline procedures.
Parents should instil morals and respect to thier child right from young age.Parents should communicate desirable behaviors and undesirable behaviors verbally with thier children.The consequences of undesirable behavior should be communicated as well.Parents should make thier children listen to them, this is a bit difficult especially when dealing with children of age 3-9.This could be archeived by being kind towards them and giving rewards for good behaviors.Lastly parents should set good examples to thier wards.They are indeed looking up to you.