Has your home also become a ‘ Hotel ‘?

By: Mufti Zubair Bayat
The home of today has become very much like a hotel. Strangers stumble in and out at odd hours, each one doing his own little thing. “The family” has now almost become just a fond memory. “The family” having meals together is a rare occasion.
Just sitting together and chatting is even more rare. Part of the blame can be apportioned to the fast, demanding pace of life in the modern and “advanced” world we are living in. The other part can be attributed to the lack of will and the apathy on the part of members of the family to get together more often. Everyone seems quite happy with leading his/her “own life”.
Parents have a responsibility to bind the family. Upbringing plays an important part on how close off-spring will be with their parents and among themselves in later life. If they have grown up comfortably in a cold, detached home environment, the “hotel-type” home, they can hardly be expected to take much interest in family affairs later on.
Parents need to spend time with their children daily – Quality Time. Quality time means a time of day or night when neither of them or their children are tired or occupied with other things. Try to fix a time daily so that a regular pattern can be set. Sit down as a family. Talk. Discuss. Ask children about school. How did the day go. What did they learn. What was exciting, etc. Tell them about your own work, your day. Children are good talkers. They get excited. They need to express themselves; their feelings and emotions. Give them this opportunity to talk. They need it. You will be surprised how much you do not know about your child’s life.
Parents should never regard this daily get-together as a small or unimportant part of their lives. It is VITAL. This togetherness will convince your children that you are interested in them. This will motivate and encourage them to perform better in all what they do.
This daily get-together will also lead to the BONDING OF THE FAMILY, which is so important for the family and the children, especially. Today the family unit is slowly disintegrating all over the world. What is more sad is that it is even happening to Muslim homes and families.
A strongly-bonded family will produce a stable and strong child. Otherwise the child will suffer psychological disorders that become progressively worse. Such a child eventually becomes a lost cause; a liability to his/her family and to society at large. The implications for society in a neglected child are enormous. This is very sad and unfortunate for the neglected child. It is also dangerous for the future of the child. Such a child will easily be influenced by outsiders and alien influences, as s/he will not find fulfilment in the home. Such a child could end-up becoming a drug-addict or even a criminal. Parents may be in for a rude shock and could possibly realise the harm only after it is too late to really reverse the damage. May Allah save our children from such a day.
A good way to get going with the family-evening is to assist children with their school work. Get them to bring their school bag and books along. Look at their work, even if you do not understand much! Ask them a few questions about the work they have learnt; from their books. Help them along with their Islamic Studies as well. Listen keenly to their Qur’an recitation lesson. Ensure they have learnt all Islamic Studies lessons for the next day. Get them to complete other school work.
Finally, talk to them for a few minutes about good manners, good behaviour, the importance of discipline and hardwork. Narrate to them some interesting anecdote from which they could learn a lesson or moral. If possible read to them for a few minutes from a good Islamic book or Kitaab. All of this will go a very long way to developing your child into a highly successful adult.

Source: eislam.co.za

Make Time to Enjoy Your Children – Those unique creations on loan to you from ALLAH TA’ALA

By Shahnaaz Bemath

I was reading an article on child abuse and heard of the cot death of a longed-for much loved baby that sent shock-waves… which deeply saddened me. Two starkly contrasting examples of parents. Those who, for whatever reason, do not value their children, regarding them as nuisance, burdens… even wicked (one child had his hand put in boiling water for “stealing” some cheese from the refrigerator!). And those who value them so much that to punish them physically, even when they’re at their most exasperating, would be unthinkable, who suffer in empathy when they’re injured, and to whom a child’s death brings everlasting grief.
Children are most precious gifts from ALLAH TA’ALA – a sacred trust over whose eternal souls parents are given temporary guardianship. Yet, how thoughtlessly some people view that guardianship. A child is conceived carelessly, is received with mixed feelings, is sandwich between other activities, is spoken to without respect for feelings, even shouted at in public, and criticized from morning to night.
Most will agree that, despite the fatigue, ongoing thought and work needed to rear children, they are our greatest treasures, a source of great joy and delight, they make life sweet, bring more rizq (sustenance) into family’s life and give hope. Through our children – clever or slow, fit or handicapped – new realms of love, interest and advantage unfold. We learn patience, unselfishness, responsibility, understanding – and to have fun. For, given the chance, their quaint remarks or innocent laughter tinge moments of despair with delight.
Children aren’t born to love you, but they soon learn to respond to love. They hold out their arms to greet you, their faces light up when you appear, forgive you readily for your mistakes, spend hours planning little surprises or drawings for you, grieve when you go away. What an investment!
They need deep love and sincere affection in order to develop soundly, with no psychological problems, crises or complexes. This sound upbringing will fill them with optimism, trust, hope and ambition. Thus their self-esteem is gleaned from this and it gives them confidence and security. Be compassionate towards them, for compassion is a basic Islamic characteristic, one that was encouraged by our beloved Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) in words and deeds as Anas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) tells us, a Hadith so beautifully encapsulates:
“I never saw anyone who has more compassion towards children than the Messenger of ALLAH (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam). His son Ibrahim was in the care of a wet-nurse in the hills around Madinah Sharief. He would go there, and we would go with him, he would enter the house, pick up His son and kiss him, then come back.” (Muslim Sharief)
Children reflect their home life, for they learn what they live. If they see their parents making sacrifices for others, they absorb the unspoken message – kind people do kind things. Love and trust beget love and trust, and usually children respond to both. To young couples I say: children are a blessing from Almighty ALLAH. When you both really want a baby, prepare for parenthood sensibly. If you’ve had a happy childhood, you’ll be able to fall back on common-sense and intuition. If not, ask, read books on parenting, attend parenthood course.
If you are a working mum don’t go to work in your children’s early years. You can save money by staying home and spare yourself stress and conflict by being there when your children need you. As a queen of your home, you can plan a routine that snatches an hour here or there for a hobby, reading or outside activity. Watching your children develop is a fascinating privilege. Enjoy this short phase of your life.
Make the bedtime routine a happy end to the day. Never “order” little ones to bed. Accompany them, read them Islamic stories, talk to them in a gentle manner, make Du’a with them and give them a warm hug to send them off to sleep happily. Contemplate the moral and spiritual values you wish to pass on – how best to express your highest beliefs so that they’ll be caught, not just taught. Give freely of that priceless gift – your time. Time to listen so they’ll confide in you. Time simply to enjoy those unique creations on loan to you from ALLAH TA’ALA.
May we learn to appreciate our children, for, they fill a special place in our hearts we never knew was empty. AAMEEN!

Source: www.eislam.co.za

Kitchen Management and Meal Planning

Source:Menus4moms

By Crystal Miller

Busy homemakers can find managing the kitchen and meal planning and preparations a large challenge. The trend towards fast foods and convenience foods is common today as a solution to deal with this challenge. I walk into a nearby grocery store and find the deli loaded with “old-fashioned” goodies like roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, apple pies and any other item one could want for making meal time a breeze. This could seem like an answer to prayer!

I am not so convinced that these types of helps for the homemaker are answers to prayers. The food is loaded with bad fats, MSG, sugar and poor quality ingredients in general. They add preservatives and coloring so it is shelf stable and looks appealing. Perhaps the answer lies more in improving the skills of managing the kitchen so as to give us the extra time we need in our days and to be able to feed our family better quality food.

When you are looking at where to start in managing your kitchen remember that every homemaker must have a plan. As managers of our homes we can’t be tossed about and pulled by our daily lives as though we were victims of whatever may come our way. We need to work on a plan to be prepared to handle the feeding of our families.

Food and eating are major issues of both finances and health, and worth the time and effort that is necessary to be organized in this area. I have found that having a weekly menu has been the main key to good kitchen management. Making menus, grocery lists from those menus and keeping my pantry stocked with needed items makes meal time much easier to deal with.

The first step is to make a menu. [Note from THSM: Menus 4 Moms Menu Planner is available here ]

If you have not done this before, begin by writing down all the meals that are your family’s favorites. Keep this list posted somewhere (perhaps in a 3-ring organizer/binder, on the back of cupboard door, your computer, etc). Each week take out the list and pick about 5 meals from it. Pull out all the recipes for that week and put them in one place for easy access. Fill in your calendar with the meals you want to eat on their proper night. Make sure you consider what types of things are happening during the week. If you will be gone all day, don’t plan a complicated meal like lasagna. Pick an easy crock pot meal instead and prepare it before you leave. Save two nights each week for eating up leftovers, trying out a new recipe, having a sandwich night or a “cook’s night off”. Take time each evening to look at the next day’s menu and see what needs to be done that night. Do you need to take anything out of the freezer? Do you need to cook some beans in the crockpot overnight so they will be ready the next morning?

Make a grocery list from your recipes making sure to check your pantry for any of the needed items. There’s nothing like running out of baking powder when you are trying to quickly make a batch of cornbread. Or finding that your recipe called for a can of tomato sauce that you thought you had.

Having a well stocked pantry is helpful for good kitchen management. Begin by creating a pantry list for yourself. Find lists on the internet to help you get started (I have one on my site, http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/pantrylist.html ). Add to this and remove items to suit your cooking style and needs. Watch for when these commonly used items to go on sale and then stock up on them.

If you feel you just don’t have the time to spend to organize this area let me encourage you that as we look at our roles as wives and mothers and put the things of our lives into priority we realize the care and feeding of our family is pretty high on the list. How wonderful it is to be able to feed them better quality home cooked meals and not over do the budget in the process. We will spend time at the grocery store and in the kitchen anyway, so we might as well spend a little extra time organizing this area of our life and receive the benefits of being an organized homemaker!

Crystal Miller, 2004

Crystal Miller ( mailto:crystal@thefamilyhomestead.com ) is a mother of 8 children and enjoys her God given role as wife, homemaker and mother! She has a homemaking and country living web site called The Family Homestead http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com and has a free monthly newsletter called Homestead Happenings.

The ‘Write’ Stuff

Writing is a skill which can be learnt. Give your child the confidence to write his own speech, essay, presentation or letter!
Writing well is vital for success in school, at tertiary level, in the workplace and now more than ever when interacting with modern technology.
Expressing their thoughts in words teaches children to:
Discover their identity
Stimulate their imagination and artistic strengths
Clarify their thoughts and helps to organise their ideas logically
Relate important messages
Workshop includes:
3 hour session for Grades 5-7
Date: 28 January 2011
Time: 9:00- 12:00
Venue: Al Falaah College
Cost: R200 (Includes notes)
The workshop will cover:
Choosing topics, planning/drafting, writing styles and editing
Contact: Khadija Lockhat (BPaed,BEd Honours-Lang and Media Studies)
082 555 1431
031 266 2649
khatija@lockhat.com
www.kidenuf.wordpress.com

The year ahead

Local economic update: January 2012

By Tendani Mantshimuli, consumer economist, Liberty
Indicators to watch in the year ahead.

A possible global recession
Economic performance in 2012 is not expected to be much of an improvement on what we experienced in 2011. Global economic developments will still have a major impact on the domestic economy. Since it doesn’t look like the European economy will strengthen in a meaningful way; the OECD[1] is even forecasting a mild recession.

Also, the US sovereign debt problems have not been resolved. As 2012 is an election year, it might actually make resolutions more difficult to reach.

These developments might lead to a very bleak global economic outlook which will result in our growth remaining weak. Consequently, we cannot hope to see our exports faring well, which will have an impact on manufacturing performance in the year. As things stand now there is no indication that the SA economy might slide into a recession in 2012, but this is dependent on events outside of this country.

The rand and rising prices
The strength of the rand will be another thing to watch out for. A significant deterioration in the rand will have a negative influence on inflation developments.

International food prices and higher petrol prices are partly behind inflation being over the upper target band. While oil prices are high they haven’t been increasing steeply, so most of the increases we’ve seen in petrol prices were related to the weak rand. The weakness of the rand recently has been related to risk aversion and investors selling off emerging-market assets as a result of eurozone problems, not a result of SA economic fundamentals. Administered prices[2] will still continue to pose an upward risk to inflation. Eskom will be adding another tranche of the higher tariffs they requested from the energy regulator to finance power stations. These are mainly cost-push pressures, in other words created by the supplier rather than consumer demand, so an increase in interest rates would not be very effective against this type of inflation.

A concern for the SARB[3] will be if these price increases feed into expectations of higher salaries which will then influence wage negotiations; and so the spiral in price increases will become generalised throughout the economy.

What will happen to interest rates?
2012 will be a year of increasing inflation and weak economic growth; at least for the first half of the year. This will make the SARB’s job a bit tricky. Reading between the lines it is clear that price stability remains the primary focus of the bank. The bank is right to focus on inflation because higher prices affect everyone negatively, particularly low income earners; the rands you have at the beginning of the year should be able to buy more or less the same number of goods at the end of the year.

Currently the inflation rate for lower-income earners is 7.8%, well above the national average. The bank will have to fulfil their mandate of maintaining price stability while monitoring global economic developments and the potential impact on the domestic economy. This was made clear in the MPC[4] statement. The MPC is aware of the dangers of the worsening euro area crisis, and its possible effects on the global and domestic economy and on inflation. Should the need arise, the MPC will act and could even cut rates.

Article supplied by Liberty

Book Bazaar : Durban

Swop and Sell at the Book Bazaar
Indulge in a morning browsing through books!
Bring old books for all ages and exchange or sell to others
Enjoy the company of a new set of books in exchange for books you’ve already read!
Magazines dated Jan-Dec 2011 are welcome
Save money, space and the environment!

Date: 14 December 2011
Time: 10:00-12:00
Venue: 65 Meerut Road Westville
Entrance: R10 (adult) kids free
Bring a partner to promote your books while you are browsing
Carry small denominations of cash for change
Attach a price to each book
Contact: Khadija Lockhat
082 555 1431
031 266 2649
khatija@lockhat.com
www.kidenuf.wordpress.com

Muslim Women and Children in Swaziland Need your Help in any way

The small muslim community of Swaziland wishes all muslim and good people of the world peace and successWe seek the assistance of all influential muslims in our quest to build the FIRST muslim center in the Kingdom of Swaziland to serve as
A school
Arabic and Islamic madressa
Hostel/boarding facility
Community center
Sports center
Skills centre

Kindly advice us about available grants in this regard. Individual and other donations to facilitate the project are requested. We have received some help from the World Islamic Call Society and contacted many other and still await responses.
Dr Basheer B L Shabangu
basheer@realnet.co.sz
www.theiyos.org
Islamic Youth Organization of Swaziland.
Tel 00268 2505 8355 direct 00268 2505 5110
Mobile 00268 7602 1747.

Ladies Contact for Programmes Abeeda and Penelope 00268 7602 1982 (programmes include preschools with madressa, domestic and women and child anti-abuse campaigns, agriculture-dairy, poultry, goats, sports and dawah, etc)

Parenting: Discipline

Differences Between Punishment and Discipline

DISCIPLINE /PUNISHMENT
______________________________________________________
Encourages the development of internal controls.
______________________________________________________
Child learn to cooperate in order to feel good about himself
______________________________________________________
Is consistent but flexible
______________________________________________________
Is logical and predictable
______________________________________________________
Encourages the making of wise choices and independent thinking
______________________________________________________
Develops high self-esteem
______________________________________________________
Encourages conscience development
______________________________________________________
Flourishes in a democratic atmosphere
______________________________________________________
Implies realistic expectations of the child
______________________________________________________
Encourages warm, caring relationships.

______________________________________________________
Allows child to learn from mistakes
______________________________________________________
Focuses on behaviour without condemning the child
______________________________________________________
Implies moral judgment and equates the person with the wrong behaviour
______________________________________________________
Permits choices and encourages a sense of autonomy and responsibility
______________________________________________________
Is concerned with present
______________________________________________________
PUNISHMENT
______________________________________________________
Relies on external control
______________________________________________________
Child learns to obey to avoid pain or discomfort
______________________________________________________
May be inconsistent or rigid
______________________________________________________
Is often arbitrary and illogical
______________________________________________________
Is based on power and control
______________________________________________________
Develops shame, guilt and anxiety
______________________________________________________
Encourages rebellion and deceit or dependent submissiveness
______________________________________________________
Belongs within an autocratic, authoritarian environment
______________________________________________________
May be inappropriate for the child’s developmental level
______________________________________________________
Encourages relationships based on fear and avoidance of hurt or power struggles.
______________________________________________________
Makes child afraid of making mistakes
______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________
Demands obedience and encourages dependence

______________________________________________________
Frequently drags up the past
______________________________________________________

EFFECTIVE PARENTING DISCIPLINE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

1. Negotiate rules with your children.
2. Enhance their self-esteem.
3. Teach accountability and consequences.
4. Parents must be role-models.
5. Parents must understand the life-world of children.
6. Teach children to be assertive.
7. Discuss and debate issues with your children.
8. Be an empathetic listener.
9. Bond with your children.
10. Punitive measures must be agreed upon and implemented.
11. Need for consistency.
12. Rewards must be used appropriately.
13. Intrinsic motivation and self-discipline needs to be applauded and encouraged.
14. Both parents must be consistent – no spouse must be undermined.
15. Discipline must be underpinned by love.
16. Avoid blaming, shaming and ridiculing such as “you are stupid.”
17. It is never too late to start.
18. Stay in a relationship with your children.
19. Affirm your children.
20. Look at the strengths of your children.
21. Remember comparisons are often odious.

Source: edriskhamissa.com

12 must have’s for a financially free 2012 By: Michelle Human

Our easy to execute twelve step plan gives you one task a month. Execute each of these according to your circumstances and priorities and you are well on your way to financial freedom.

Step one: Make an appointment to see a reputable financial adviser
Probably the best way to find a reputable financial planner is via word of mouth. Ask around and let colleagues, friends and family guide you. Remember that personality is an important factor and what works for them, may not necessarily work for you, but it is only a starting point. Find someone whom they have been dealing with for some time and most importantly someone that they trust.

The web can also be a valuable source of information. Contact organisations such as the FPI at www.fpi.co.za to see a list of all of their affiliated financial advisers.

When you meet with the financial adviser don’t be hesitant to ask questions such as:
· How does he earn his fees? Is he commission based only or does he charge a fee for a consultation.

· What are his qualifications and how long has he been in the industry?

· Is he affiliated to only one financial services provider i.e.: a tied agent or is he independent and what are the implications of each option. If he is independent, which companies does he support and why?

Don’t feel intimidated by the process. In terms of FAIS (the law regulating the financial planning industry) he is obliged to disclose all of this information in writing anyway.

Step two: Do a comprehensive financial needs analysis
Once you feel comfortable with your financial adviser, the first step will be to conduct a thorough financial needs analysis. This will involve discussing your financial needs and goals, particularly in the event of death, disability and retirement.

You will need to give the financial adviser a good idea of where you stand currently in relation to these goals so that any gaps can be addressed. Make sure that you provide information such as existing policy information, your group benefits provided by your employer, current Will and information relating to your income.

Step three: Understanding the legal implications of your marriage
Were you aware of the fact that your marital regime may impact your financial plan? Make sure that you understand the basic implications of your marital status. The most common marital regimes include in community of property, or where an antenuptial contract has been signed, either out of community of property excluding the accrual or including the accrual system.

If you have chosen not to marry, but are living with someone as a so called “common law” spouse, make sure that you understand what this means from a financial planning perspective. For example, such a union which is deemed to be permanent may be regarded as a marriage. This gives you and your spouse certain rights and obligations.

Step four: Until death us do part…Make or revise your Will
No one likes to think about passing away, but fortunately having a plan for such uncertain events, does not make them happen. So take control of the process and ensure that your Will is up to date. Your Will is the only way that you will have any say in what will happen to your belongings if you pass away. It can also save costs and make sure that there is no delay in winding up your estate.

Step five: Losing a loved one…What would happen to your dependants if you were to pass away
Life cover can play an important role in any financial plan. It is a cost effective way to make sure that any wishes you have stated in your Will, can actually be funded. Consider using life cover to provide for dependants such as your spouse and/or children, paying off your bond or other debts and covering any estate duty or other costs arising from your death. Ultimately it allows you to leave a legacy for those that you love.

Step six: What about me?
Being diagnosed with a critical illness can be a life changing event, which can have enormous financial implications. By having comprehensive critical illness cover you can make sure that you can afford the best possible care and hopefully recover without facing financial ruin. Bear in mind that critical illness cover is designed to assist with the costs associated with the impact that the diagnosis has on your lifestyle. These costs may not seem like a big deal initially, but they can add up to a huge sum very quickly.

In 2010 Liberty paid a total of R 281.2 million in critical illness protection claims. 41% of those claims related to a cancer diagnosis. So the premise that it will never happen to you, just doesn’t hold any water. Make sure that your financial plan includes sufficient critical illness cover to make sure that your lifestyle is not affected by such a diagnosis.

Step seven: Disability
Becoming disabled can be devastating in so many ways. It doesn’t have to be devastating financially. In some ways, your ability to earn an income in the future could be regarded as your greatest asset, especially if you are young, well qualified and skilled.

Make sure that you consider what would happen financially if you were disabled either permanently or temporarily. Perhaps you would need a lump sum initially to meet expenses not covered by your medical aid and set up an environment to cater for your disability. Your long term need, may be to replace your income on a monthly basis. Having a plan to cater for these needs, at least makes sure that you don’t have to worry about the financial implications of any disability.

Step eight: Pay yourself first…
Retirement always seems such a long way off, but it is funny how these things creep up on you. How many pay days do you have left until retirement? Consider a client age 40, planning to retire at age 60 and with a life expectancy of 75 years. They have 240 pay days left to save for retirement. Sounds like a long time, until you realise that these 240 pay days need to provide them with sufficient income to provide for 180 pay days in retirement!

Thanks to medical technology, we are living longer. This means that we need to realistically consider that our retirement years may last longer than we expected. Have we saved enough to last this long? Have we considered the impact of stock market crashes, higher than expected inflation and possible job losses along the way.

Make sure that your retirement plan is robust enough to weather the challenges that it may face.

Step nine: Pennywise…Saving for a future goal
The definition of saving is simple, it is money that is not spent. But in order to really see a sound return you need to take it further than just saving. You need to invest. Bear in mind that your investment needs to outperform inflation so that you are earning a real return. The rule of 72 says that if inflation averages at 10% over the period of your investment, your buying power halves every 7 years!

Make sure that your investment suits your risk profile. If you are younger you may be willing to invest for a longer period, be more aggressive and willing to take on more risk. However the older investor may be more conservative and prioritise capital preservation.

Step ten: Saving for a rainy day…
A comprehensive financial plan must have some provision for everyday emergencies. You don’t want to have all your spare cash tied up in long term investments, and not be able to deal with a small emergency as it happens. Part of the process of setting up your emergency fund, would be to establish a monthly budget. Understand what your monthly expenses are and what, if anything, is left over at the end of the month.

Ideally aim to have three months worth of income or expenses in a readily accessible fund.

Step eleven: Consolidate all important information
Gather all of your important documents together and file them away in a safe place. It might be a good idea to have someone you trust keep a certified copy as well. This way they are readily available in case of need.
Make sure that you include:
· Your ID and/or passport

· Birth certificates

· Will

· Policy documents, share certificates and other investment information

· Antenuptial contract and marriage certificate if applicable

Step twelve: An action plan for the future…
Now that you have put your plan in place, it is time for action. Commit to an annual review with your financial adviser, but also remember to discuss any life changing events with him. This could be a change of job, birth of a child, marriage, divorce etc. All of these events can have an important impact on your financial plan.

To drive the importance of financial planning and understanding savings and insurance needs, Liberty is running a competition that encourages consumers to get obligation free financial advice with a chance of winning a prize worth R1million. All you need to be eligible to win, is an obligation free financial needs analysis (FNA) done through a Liberty Adviser or Broker, with no obligation to purchase any products.

The competition launched on the 10th October and runs until the end of January 2012. Customers have the opportunity of having free obligation advice to help them better understand their financial status.

The rules of the competition can be found on www.liberty.co.za

Note: The views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the Editor of www.muslimmums.co.za.

*Ask your financial advisor about Shariah compliant products from Liberty

Organisation: Books in Homes

Books in Homes is an organisation whose sole purpose is to promote reading. Whilst it may not be a Muslim-run organisation, I felt the need to support it simply because reading is the basis of Islam and the organisation is giving us an opportunity to do something to improve the lives of hundreds of disadvantaged children in South Africa. Our learners are underperforming because they are not exposed to books before starting school. Let us make a difference. Visit http://booksinhomes.weebly.com/index.html for more information.

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