All about trust – a baby’s first lesson

By Tasneem Basha

It’s been nine long months and you are finally able to look into the eyes of your little bundle of joy, examine each little finger and toe and be mesmerised at even the whorls of your babys’ ears. But, if you’re anything like me, you soon realise that you can only be goo-goo eyed for so long, before you have to face the fact that your life as you know it has been completely and utterly overhauled. The question begs to be asked “what happens now?”, and of course there are no shortage of answers. People will tell you all sorts of things; that your newborn is too hot or too cold, needs to bathed or fed, that your little one has colic, what you can and cant eat and will remind you of the multitude of things you did ‘wrong’ while you were pregnant. It is, of course, completely up to you whose advice you take but do remember that Allah has empowered you with intrinsic knowledge as well.

Visiting family who had just welcomed their newest member recently, I overheard the remark “he likes to be in the arms”…isn’t this a debate we know so well. Are you spoiling the baby if you carry him too much?

The first thing we’re going to do here is forget about the baby and its still rudimentary coping skills and focus on you, the well developed adult, for now. Let’s imagine you woke up tomorrow in a foreign land, no sense of belonging, you don’t recognize anyone, you cant understand what they’re saying and you really want something, anything, but you have not the faintest idea what it is. Would you imagine this situation to be a difficult one? Scary? Overwhelming even? If you can imagine this, then you have some idea of a newborns perception of this world.

So of course your baby ‘likes to be in the arms’. He only knows being carried from inception, being snug and safe held in your womb. Your baby has been removed from a small enclosed space into a massive wide world (even if it is just the nursery), everything is new and not in an anticipatory way. Do you really think a baby being carried by her mother is thinking smugly to herself ‘hah! Got the old lady to carry me, that’ll show her’. I seriously doubt it. It’s not the feeling of being carried that your baby wants, it’s the feeling of being safe. The sensation of hunger or thirst that we as adults take for granted can seem an insurmountable and terrifying experience for a baby. Your baby doesn’t know what this gnawing feeling in his stomach is, why it’s there or what will make it go away. She cant name the lethargy that comes over her and threatens to take her primary caregivers out of her sight. She cant reason loud sounds or know it will go away. And you cant explain it to her or answer any of her questions. There is one thing you CAN do though, and that is reassure her.

You see, the most important thing a child needs to learn in his/her first year is not routine or discipline. It’s trust. Your baby needs to trust that you will keep her safe, safe from all her yet unnamed feelings and sensations. Safe from herself even when she cries too loudly and cant calm down by herself. Safe from your own anger and frustration. Yes, shock horror, new mummies do get angry and frustrated-it’s natural, expected even. And it’s at times when you feel like this that you need to be able to hand over to some-one you trust and not feel guilty about it.

Another thing babies don’t know about is schedules. I once questioned what a ‘demand-feed baby’ was and was told; ‘a baby that wants to be fed whenever she’s hungry’. Well dear me, I know a few adults like that too; they eat as soon as they’re hungry (sometimes when they’re not hungry too), they don’t wait 4 hours until the next mealtime. You eat when you’re hungry and drink when you’re thirsty so why would you expect a baby to do otherwise? A hungry baby will cry, should you deny this hungry baby a feed he will be in distress too. Is it any wonder then that he cries? The next time he’s hungry he will anticipate being ignored and feeding will become an experience he associates with fear. Establish a relationship of your baby’s needs being met and she will develop into a confident child knowing that she can trust her support system. In time she can and will learn to cope by herself knowing that if she cannot get it right, her caregivers are there to make sure everything turns out just fine. If her cries are responded too, she will learn that she has value. If she is made to feel safe, she will trust and learn.

In between all the nappy changes, feeding and burping remember that your baby is learning. His weight and health will be checked regularly but it is up to you to give him a good foundation to build his psyche on. Remember that newborns still experience the world through their mothers, so make sure you’re okay too – we’ll deal with this aspect in another article insha Allah.

A special Jazakallahu Khairan to Sr Tasneem for taking the time to write this. Your contribution is much appreciated. Muslimmums.co.za

POSITIVE PARENTING

By Claire Marketos
www.inspiredparenting.co.za

Smacking is one of many punitive options parents choose when raising their children, because it is usually the parenting style most familiar to them.

However, choosing positive parenting, giving a child what he needs to be happy and successful from the day he is born, raises children that are kind and co-operative, making smacking and the “d”(discipline) word obsolete.

Here are 10 positive parenting options that really work:

1.Children need positive attention. As parents we are quick to point out any undesirable behaviour. We criticise their actions, dress, words, and friends. Let’s rather be quick to praise our precious children. Catch them doing something good and tell them how proud you are of them. They will absolutely glow before you. Keep negative comments to yourself.

2.Children need to feel loved. Sit and hold each of your children for 10 minutes each day, and tell them how dear they are to you; how proud you are of them, and how much you love them. Even if you have four children, it will take you less than an hour to spend quality time with each child. You will see them swell with self esteem and confidence.

3.Children need consistency and predictability in the form of routine. This makes them feel secure. They like to know with 100% certainty what is expected of them at home, at school, and so forth. Collaborate with your children to set boundaries in the home that honours the needs of all family members. Give your children reasons as to why they are expected to behave pro-socially and why time management is important for the family as a whole. If the parent fails to provide structure and routine in the home, it is likely the child will feel insecure and misbehave.

4.Children need to be taught empathy, which is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s position, consider what they are feeling, and respond in a sensitive way. Empathy is not something that occurs naturally. An empathic person would find it very difficult to inflict pain on another person, whether physical or mental because they are aware of how the victim feels. Empathy is also key to high EQ.

5. Children need a reason to behave positively. Always explain to children why you require them to behave in a certain way. Even very young children will listen to your explanation, even if they don’t understand every word. The tone of your voice should be serious and reassuring.

6.Children’s feelings need to be acknowledged. “I know you don’t want to put your safety belt on. I know you feel restricted. It’s uncomfortable, but we need to be safe when travelling on the road.” Acknowledging their feelings with the same exuberance as they are expressing them, makes them stop and listen to you.

7.Children need to be motivated to behave positively. Children need to be motivated to behave positively. Be creative and find ways to motivate your child as you would motivate a complete stranger to do something you desire. Using incentives occasionally to help motivate the child is acceptable. However, using incentives all the time will teach the child to only work for a reward and not for self fulfillment.

8.Children need parents who are good role models of positive behaviour. Parents who shout, swear, hit and fight in front of their children, make their children anxious. Such children blame themselves for unhappiness in the home. Take time for yourself as a parent. Ask for help from friends and family when you feel you’re cracking up. Argue in private, when the children aren’t present. Think of ways to model positive behaviour for your children. They will copy you.

9.Children need problem solving options to increase their IQ and make them effective adults, especially in the business world. If a parent’s only problem solving technique is aggression in the form of smacking, shouting, or bullying, then that is what their children will learn. Teach children to think outside the box, especially when they have erred. Have a debate at the dinner table, and explore all the options.

10.Children need patience and creativity to steer them to wards positive behaviour. If you are aware that they are tired and irritable, and about to throw a tantrum, try to be patient and don’t make the situation worse by being punitive. If possible, find them a private space where they can freely express themselves. Tantrums can be a stress relief for the child. As parents sometimes we need to step away from a situation and destress. If you feel the urge to hit, ask yourself how would I feel right now if I was them? Try to meet their needs creatively.

Focusing on what children need makes raising them a pleasure as they respond positively, and you can begin to enjoy their uniqueness. Substituting emotional and verbal abuse for smacking should never be an option, and neither should bribery and extortion. They are just as harmful as smacking. Good luck! May you be inspired to practice positive parenting. (The Star, August 23,2007).

http://www.thestar.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=3996492

Revised and updated February 14, 2010

http://www.inspiredparenting.co.za/NewsCast.aspx?NID=9

How to make your own playdough

GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY

Toddlers love new experiences, and for most, there’s nothing more fun than getting nice and grubby playing with water, mud or anything else they can get their hands into! Make the most of this carefree, inquisitive phase by encouraging messy play that teaches your child about different the different properties, textures and smells of safe, everyday substances. Why not take a few minutes to make your own playdough. Follow this simple recipe, and let your toddler help spooning out the flour and pouring in the water:

• 150g (6oz) plain white flour
• 300ml (12 pint) warm water with a few drops of food dye
• 75g (3oz) salt
• 1 tbsp of vegetable oil
• 2 tsp cream of tartar

Put all the ingredients into a large saucepan. Place over a medium heat, stirring constantly until the mixture thickens and forms a ball of dough. Scrape out the dough, allow it to cool a little, and knead it until all ingredients are evenly distributed and you’re left with a smooth ball of dough. Add some water if the dough is too stiff, or dust with flour if too sticky. When cold, store your playdough in an airtight container or a zip-lock food bag in a cool, dry place.
Remember that at this young age, your toddler may be tempted to put pieces of dough into his mouth. So never leave him alone with playdough. Teach him that it is not for eating, and encourage him to bury his fingers in it, mould, pat, chop up and decorate this fascinating new play thing.

Source: Pampers Newsletter

More playdough recipes:

Rubbery Playdough
2 cups baking soda
1 1/2 cups water
1 cup cornstarch
Mix with a fork until smooth. Boil over medium heat until thick. Spoon onto plate or wax paper.

Nature’s Playdough
1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1 cup water
2 tablespoons oil
2 tablespoons cream of tartar
beet, spinach, and carrot juice
Mix flour, salt and oil, and slowly add the water. Cook over medium heat, stirring until dough becomes stiff. Turn out onto wax paper and let cool. Knead the playdough with your hands until of proper consistency. Use as is, or divide into balls and add a few drops of the vegetable juices to make green, pink, and orange.

Playdough
4 cups flour
1/4 cup powdered tempera
1/4 cup salt
1 1/2 cups water
1 tablespoon oil
Mix together flour, powdered paint and salt. Mix water and oil, and food coloring if desired. Gradually stir the water and oil mix into the flour mix. Knead the playdough as you add the liquid. Add more water if too stiff, more flour if sticky.

Alum Playdough
2 cups flour
1 cup salt
2 tablespoons alum
1 cup water
2 tablespoons oil
liquid food coloring
Pour dry ingredients into large pan. Stir together to mix. Stir oil and food coloring into the water. Pour liquid into the dry ingredients while mixing, squeezing and kneading the playdough. If too sticky, add more flour. Keeps best in the fridge.

Just Like the Real Playdough (so they say)
1 cup flour
1 cup water
1 tablespoon oil
1 tablespoon powdered alum
1/2 cup salt
2 tablespoons vanilla
food coloring
Mix all dry ingredients. Add oil and water. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until reaching the consistency of mashed potatoes. Remove from heat and add vanilla and food coloring. Divide into balls and work in color by kneading the playdough.

Oatmeal Playdough
1 cup flour
2 cups oatmeal
1 cup water
Gradually add water to flour and oatmeal in bowl. Knead until mixed (this playdough is sticky, but unique in texture.) Model as with clay.
Tip: Add cornmeal or coffee grounds in small quantity for texture.

Nutty Butter Playdough
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup powdered milk
1 cup honey
1 cup oatmeal
Mix together and play. Make sure this playdough is not used by infants under 12 months of age, who should not consume honey.

Kool-Aid Playdough
2 1/2 to 3 cups flour
2 cups boiling water with 1 package Kool-aid (any flavor)
3 tablespoons corn oil
1/2 cup salt
1 tablespoon alum
Mix ingredients and knead with flour (may take up to 1 extra cup). Use more if the dough draws moisture in high humidity. Keeps well, has a nice fragrance and is very colorful and very flexible.

Source: About.com

HELPING YOUR CHILD STUDY

By Claire Marketos

‘Tell me, I forget. Teach me, I remember. Involve me, I understand.’- Chinese proverb

Imagine you’re nine years old. Your first test is on Friday, and you have your book in front of you. Your mom tells you to revise your study material. Feeling helpless and ill-equipped, you stare at the pages, hoping that somehow you will remember something. Soon, you lose interest and begin playing with the dog. It is not surprising that studying turns into a lonely, repetitive chore you dread – one that stifles your natural curiosity. In the words of a fifth grader, ‘Studying is not fun.’

While most schools teach learners how to study, they do so in isolated classes, instead of integrating studying skills in daily lessons and notes, so that it becomes a part of learning. It is extremely frustrating and difficult for a fourth grader to try to apply what he has learned about studying in general to specific subjects. Your child therefore depends on you for help.

Between a rock and a hard place
Instead of treating it as yet another chore, unleash your creativity and approach study time as a fun, inspiring opportunity to bond with your children. By adopting an innovative way of thinking, your child will feel more connected to you and you will empower him with an enquiring mind for life.

Children are curious and instinctively explore their environment to find out more about the world around them. By appealing to your child’s innate inquisitiveness, you can turn studying into an incidental part of his daily activities. Show him how studying can be an enjoyable way to find answers to questions. For example, use Zulu words while preparing the salad. And while driving, throw out a question “Why is it important for people to pay taxes?” This will stimulate critical thinking and lively discussion. By collaborating with your child, you will demonstrate positive ways of interacting with others to find solutions to problems. That’s a useful attribute for almost any career your child may choose later on in life.

Learning how to study effectively is a process that has to be modified according to your child’s needs. There are so many factors influencing the way children study and how well they recall the material later. Whether your child is tired after a long day at school or just battling to concentrate on the task at hand, physical and emotional well-being plays a big role as does personality.

Stumbling blocks
• If you are going through a divorce and your child worries about this, he will struggle to apply himself.
• If your child is physically unwell, he may need medical intervention before he is able to concentrate.
• If your child has learning difficulties, he may require remedial assistance before he can study effectively.
• If your child has experienced trauma or grief, his ability to retain and recall knowledge will be impaired. Play therapy, among other treatments, may be necessary to provide him with the support he needs.

How children learn
If you are going to be of any help, you need to understand how children learn and how their brains function.

Passively reading through notes, is not the most effective way to study. Research shows that children learn most efficiently by being actively involved in the learning experience. By involving your child personally through writing, speaking, or experiencing the material, you will enable him to recollect it better. Walking around while acting out their assignment helps some students retain information. Others require bright colourful pictures and concrete objects to stimulate their minds. Try different methods, until you find the best way for your child to study- the more memorable and pleasurable the experience, the better the recall.

Learning in a group also greatly improves children’s comprehension, Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky discovered in his early twentieth century research. He also found that children who worked together were able to explain what they had learned in the context of their daily lives.

Studying with, you, his peers, or teacher, helps your child clarify ideas, ask questions, and understand the subject. Vygotsky calls this ‘reciprocal teaching’ and initially used it to teach reading. So, leaving your child to study alone in his bedroom is not the greatest way to help him retain knowledge. He will recall so much more if he can visualize the material while talking about it to you.

Sensory stimulation theorist Dugan Laird found that children can remember seventy-five percent of material presented in visual form such as pictures and diagrams, thirteen percent that is auditory and twelve percent through the other senses.

Have some fun
• Help your child turn his study notes into colourful diagrams, mind maps, and cartoons.
• Involve the whole family by using different voices to speak into a tape recorder, saying important facts. Let your child listen to the tape in the car or while taking a bath.
• Use visual and auditory stimulus from the computer, to help your child remember more of his notes. A great idea is to use your child’s notes to put together a PowerPoint presentation on the computer. It is time consuming, but as a visual aid it can be invaluable.

Feeding and stimulating the brain
The brain is the source not only of our intellect, but also of our emotions. It is who we are, and our moods influence our ability to concentrate. If your child is feeling pressured or frustrated, he will find it harder to retain information. We have all heard how we only use a small part of our brains and that we rarely reach our full potential. So how can you help stimulate your child’s brain to enhance learning and memory?

The brain comprise mainly fat, so it requires ‘good fats’ and protein to function efficiently. Eating a healthy meal of fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids before studying will help fuel the brain. A favourite memory booster recommended by American Mensa supervisory psychologist Dr. Frank Lawliss is banana and chocolate, preferably eaten together. Other brain foods are water, raw or steamed fruits and vegetables, avocado, whole grains, eggs, nuts, and vitamin D.

Tips to kick start the brain
• Play marching music and have your child chew gum containing the sugar substitute, xylitol, suggests Lawliss – but avoid gum containing aspartame and sugar.
• Physical exercise not only relieves stress, it also helps your child breathe more deeply, resulting in more oxygen reaching the brain. Doing a moderate amount of exercise before study will stimulate your child’s brain into action. Too much exercise, on the other hand, will make him feel tired with little energy left to concentrate.
• Games like chess, charades and building puzzles fires up the mind.
• Devise games to help your child remember his notes. Design a quiz show or modify 30 seconds as a revision aid. .
• Sleep is essential to recharge the mind and help process information- eight to ten hours’ sleep a night is ideal.

Create the right environment
As a child how many times were you told to go and sit at your desk and study? We tend to believe that to study properly we should be seated at a table in a quiet room with good lighting. Good lighting is crucial to avoid eye strain, but children learn in different ways and can study in all sorts of environments. Your child may be able to concentrate better when he walks around or sits on a gym ball with music playing in the background.

Be sensitive and flexible in the way you approach your child’s method of studying. Almost any environment can provide an opportunity to learn, so experiment with different places in the home, until you find those best suited to study. Being able to relax and being comfortable will make the experience more beneficial and pleasant. Nevertheless, trying to study in a room with the television on and other children playing is probably too distracting for most children.

Children with learning difficulties learn more effectively in an environment that is free of clutter, well organised and structured. Have all the necessary stationery available, especially brightly coloured highlighters, dictionaries, and keep a file for notes and pictures. Don’t forget to use the computer as a visual and auditory study aid.

Establish a routine
Routine makes children feel safe and secure. Children like to know with absolute certainty what is expected of them. Having a study routine will do away with questions like, ‘Do I have to study now?’ Remember to also chat about the subject in an informal way outside of study time while grocery shopping, watching the news, or when an interesting fact occurs to you. .

Most children become irritable when they are tired, so it is best not to schedule study time just before bed. Negotiate a time for studying with your child that you know is best suited to your child’s temperament. Some children study well in the afternoon after lunch and free play, while others study better after supper. Try to schedule it for the same time every day, but accommodate extra-murals and playtime. Your child needs a balanced lifestyle- time to pursue other interests and to relax in order to be successful.

Studying for hours on end is not productive. Your child will become tired and de-motivated. Memory and concentration also decrease after a while. Stick to the allotted time, and stop when that time is up. Focus instead on managing the set times efficiently. Allow short breaks to maintain concentration and to let the brain process the information. Tomorrow will provide another opportunity to study. If your child continues to spend hours doing homework and learning, it may be necessary to evaluate your expectations of him, or chat to the teacher to find out whether the workload is too heavy. If he is experiencing difficulties with some of the material, provide him with additional help.

Managing stress
Aspire to stimulating curiosity in your child along with the desire to know more about himself and the world around him, instead of merely aiming for higher grades. Children who leave school with passion and energy are motivated to seize the challenges faced in adulthood, whereas overachievers who tried to please their parents throughout their childhood may feel burned out, stressed and disinclined to pursue their ambitions.

Stressing over homework and studying is counterproductive. A stressed child can’t concentrate or remember what he is studying. Choose to stop stressing about studying and your child will most likely develop a more positive attitude towards it. Waking up early to study on the day of a test is likely to create additional stress- and it will probably be ineffective, since the brain will not have sufficient time to process the crammed information. Sleep is more important at this age than studying at the last minute.

Pressuring your child to obtain higher marks, criticising him, and making him redo work over and over again, is discouraging. Not only is your child less likely to do well, he may also develop feelings of resentment, and rebel by underachieving. Avoid comparing your children, especially across the sexes, since boys and girls learn in different ways. Research shows that children who have controlling, strict parents, tend to have lower self esteem, as they learn that they cannot be trusted to manage themselves. Avoid living vicariously through your children, and make sure your intentions are to help him find his true purpose in life.

Show your child how to relax. Deep breathing, visualizations, yoga, swaying and meditation, are all ways to deal with stress, and so focus better. Explain to your child how to concentrate in class, call on the teacher for help, and get guidelines for tests- this way much of the knowledge needed can be gained in the classroom.

What to avoid
• putting pressure on your child to get higher marks
• being overly critical
• making your child redo work over and over again
• comparing him to others, particularly a girl to a boy, or a boy to a girl
• being too controlling
• living vicariously through a child

What to do
• Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, visualizations, yoga, swaying and meditation
• encourage your child to concentrate in class
• teach your child to ask teachers for help
• make sure your child gets guidelines for tests and exams
• approach your child’s school notes with a positive attitude and cultivate this attitude in him
• allow your child to take control of his schedule, helping where necessary
• give praise where it is due ,without allowing the praise to turn into added pressure

Keeping your child motivated
‘Aw! Why do I have to study?’ moans a sixth grader. Few children are motivated to study. How do you turn this around? What can you do to inspire your child to enjoy studying? Children watch their parents all the time and your child will copy what you do. If you’re positive and enthusiastic and have a probing mind, your child is likely to be more curious and interested in studying. Watching you read or study will encourage them to do the same.

Research shows that the children of loving parents whose expectations are reasonable have higher self- esteem, and are more motivated when it comes to studying. In contrast, the children of parents who pay attention only when they do well tend to have lower self-esteem and less confidence in their own abilities.

We all enjoy being affirmed and praised for our achievements, and you should be generous in your praise. However, research by theorist William Damon from Stanford University shows that constant praise, especially when nothing has really been achieved, actually limits a child’s abilities. Instead, he says, we should ‘guide them towards worthwhile activities and goals that result in credible self esteem.’

Create opportunities for your child to learn from his mistakes, be persistent in the face of adversity, and accomplish things on his own. Imagine the sense of satisfaction he will feel when he takes control of his notes, and rearranges them to be easier to remember. Setting realistic goals and taking steps to achieve them will help motivate your child.
.
Children have vivid imaginations and can come up with fabulous ideas to help them remember study material. Inspire your child to think laterally as he tackles his notes. Your curiosity and interest in his subjects will stimulate intellectual thought and conversation- a much more enjoyable proposition than merely studying for tests.

We all know how infectious it can be to be around someone who is upbeat and who has a high self esteem. Teach your child the power of positive thinking. Believing in himself, defining who he is and what his abilities are will give him the confidence to overcome stress, especially when studying.

Get creative
Think outside the box. Engage your child in thinking of novel ways to remember his study notes.

• When talking with your child about his study notes, add in tidbits of interesting information from your readings and travels. Children love to hear stories, and if you can tell stories relevant to their study material, it will provide a hook to help jog his memory, for example, ‘Mom saw Tutankhamen’s sarcophagus in the British Museum…..’
• Explain how their notes are relevant to their daily lives, and how as we develop as a society we build on knowledge from the past. Ask ‘what if’ questions to stimulate thinking- for example, ‘What if Thomas Edison hadn’t been curious, and hadn’t kept experimenting to find answers? We may never have discovered electricity. Then there would be so many things we wouldn’t be able to do like……”Challenge your child to come up with uses for electricity.
• Teach your child to organise his study material, and tackle difficult information first. He doesn’t need to learn work he already knows.
• Children learn best from notes and diagrams transcribed in their own words and in age-appropriate language. If your child finds his study notes difficult to understand, encourage him to summarise it in his own words. Help him draw mind maps and spider diagrams.
• Take time to teach your child to read his notes critically. Scan the material to find the most important points. Pose questions and find the answers in the study notes. Write down important points. Being able to read and take notes effectively will be of immense help once your child goes to high school.
• One picture paints a thousand words, the saying goes. This is especially true when it comes to studying. Always look for a way to represent notes visually. Help your child turn his study notes into colourful pictures and diagrams. For example, if you are studying surface and subsurface water sources, let him draw a diagram showing where the water sources are. These diagrams or pictures can be simple stick figures which don’t take a long time to draw. Use colour to make it more memorable.
• Use different coloured cards on which to write important information, such as dates. Post the cards behind the toilet door, the car seat, or on the fridge, so that your child can see the information often. Make associations like, ‘Red is 1361BC when people began to settle along the Nile River.’
• Ask your child to teach you, a teddy, a pet, or other members of the family. To teach, he will need to understand the subject material. Let him use his notes initially, but as the week goes by, let them try without notes. Or as one mother found to her delight, her daughter had rediscovered the karaoke function on the family’s music system. ‘She’s been lecturing to a phantom audience all week,” the mother said.
• Invent silly rhymes, acronyms and mnemonics with your child to help him remember difficult dates and facts.
• If your child is musically inclined, he may even make up a rap song from his notes.
• If your child has good ball skills, let him pin the answers to questions to a wall, and throw tennis balls at the correct answer.
• Putting on a puppet show for the family can help your child commit information to memory.
• Film them as they make a documentary on their assignment. They can watch it later for further reinforcement.
• Drumming is often used these days to help children with learning difficulties. Beating out facts on a drum can make them easier to recall – drumming is relaxing and helps to stimulate the brain.
• If you can actually visit the place they are learning about, do the experiment, or see the artifact in a museum, your children will easily recall it later.
• Give your child strategies and tips on how to do well on tests: “Read the questions carefully, underlining key words. Look at the mark allocation. Always answer the question even if you have to make an educated guess.”
• Guide your child to watch programmes on TV or DVD, and read newspaper articles which show how their study notes are relevant to everyday life, and to reinforce the material they have studied.

For many of us parents studying evokes unpleasant memories, which we wouldn’t want our children to experience. Throw out those old methods that didn’t work for you, and strive to replace them with inspirational ideas that make the learning experience enjoyable and memorable for your children. It is possible to show them that the world provides so many amazing opportunities that they can be part of.

Note to parents: I specifically didn’t use the word ‘work’ when referring to the child’s school notes or study notes as studying should not be viewed as ‘work’ but rather as a means of finding answers to questions.

References:
The IQ Answer by Dr. Frank Lawliss
Child Development 5th Edition by Laura Berk

This article was first published in the book “Happy Years: A guide for paqrents’ by Abraham Kriel Childcare. The copyright remains with the author Claire Marketos.

Visit Claire Marketos’ website: http://www.inspiredparenting.co.za/

Have you done your homework?

How involved should parents be?

There’s a fine line between helping your children with their homework or school projects and actually doing it for them. Barbara Mowatt examined the topic.

Learners and parents alike often view school homework and projects with resignation, trepidation or loathing. The learners because it’s such a bind; parents because they feel that school work is something they thought they’d left behind when they left school.
How much assistance should parents give their school-going children to do their homework? And can helping too much be detrimental to the child’s progress?
‘It’s a bad idea for the parent to do the child’s work to avoid facing obstacles this can be extended to life in general. Parents should have the wisdom to know that by protecting the child in the short term, the long-term ramifications will be worse,’ says Cape Town-based psychologist Marc Kahn.
‘Every time the parent does the work for the child, the child is set up to fail. If the child passes [to the next grade] based on the work done by the parent, the next year he will face more obstacles, and he will be set up to fail in a bigger way. It is better to help the child over the obstacles.’
Making the child accountable for their daily homework and term assignments will teach them to be responsible to carry out tasks. They will be taught organisational skills and how to be independent, and they will also learn from their mistakes.
If the child ‘forgets’ to do the work or doesn’t put in the required effort, they will learn that there are consequences – such as getting low marks or even failing their grade.

Discipline
‘Parental discipline can cause huge conflict in some homes. Many parents hate it when they have to confront their child and impose structure and discipline,’ says Ros Emanuel, now retired from teaching English. ‘Too many parents are afraid to challenge their teenagers and would rather do the work for them than face the fact that they might fail.’
Exerting pressure can start a power struggle and pressure results in resistance. Consequently, it is necessary for both parent and child to be disciplined when it comes to homework.
‘Let the child “fail in a healthy way”,’ advises Kahn. ‘It’s important for parents to use their discretion.’
‘Children who have lots of encouragement at home are on a better wicket than those who don’t,’ says Margaret Fischer, high-school physical science teacher, who has 30 years’ experience at a number of schools in the Cape Peninsula.

How much input should the parent have?
‘That depends on the age of the child, her personality and abilities,’ says the mother of three daughters. ‘Help enough to get them started particularly with big assignments then leave them to work at it. You can check the work when they’ve finished and make suggestions for corrections, but they should largely be left to do it themselves.’ Therefore, the major part of the work should be the child’s effort, and the parent can be involved without actually doing the work.

School projects
‘Parent-assisted projects invariably earn pupils more marks,’ says Fischer. However, she continues, ‘Not enough teachers can discriminate between the work genuinely done by the learner and the input by the parent. Some of the most perceptive educators find it very difficult to pinpoint whether or how much parents have helped with homework. Therefore, some teachers only set projects to be done at school under the supervision of the teacher, not to be done at home.’
‘There’s no doubt that having a computer on which to do homework and
projects is an advantage for children. They will produce neater, better-looking work. Having access to the Internet for research is also a big advantage,’ adds Emanuel. However, it is not advisable to rely solely on Internet research because examiners are alert to the fact that many children use the Internet.
If you don’t have a home computer, make use of lending libraries. Encourage the child in the habit of reading and using books, which are better sources of information than simply picking information off the Internet.
Teachers have a good idea of the learners’ competence and they will know whether a child is capable of producing the work that they hand in. If it’s a ‘cut and paste’ job, the teacher will probably know, and the assignment will almost certainly be given a lower mark than one albeit with less information that has been properly researched by the child.

A good start in life
There are many ways for the parent to help the child to make schooling easier. If the child is familiar with the basic tools of language and calculations, problem-solving will not be the bogeyman it’s sometimes made out to be.
Encourage your children from preschool age to play games that entail counting to develop their cognitive skills. Board games such as Monopoly and card games such as rummy, patience and even poker can be played from a very early age.

Make routine activities, such as a trip in the car, an opportunity to play participative number and word games. These games will develop the child’s mathematics and language skills. Try word games such as I-spy to improve spelling and vocabulary, and counting games such as tallying the number of blue cars, green cars, etc. seen on the trip from home to the shops.

Build up the child’s general knowledge in an informal way show how maths is essential for activities such as knitting, baking, cooking, crafts and hobbies, even for working out how much money they’ll need for purchases.

Give the child taped children’s stories so that they can read the books while listening to the tapes.
Get the child to read aloud to you from books, newspapers and magazines. It will improve the child’s language proficiency and concentration.
Show an interest in what they are doing and share your own experiences with them.

Be involved every day
* Talk to your child about general topics and encourage them to converse with other adults.
* Attend parent-teacher meetings, and contact the school if you’re worried about your child’s performance.
* Watch (or videotape) the Learning Channel on TV, which reviews English, maths, physical science and biology. Because someone other than the teacher presents the subjects, learners will invariably get another perspective on the specifics of the topic.
* Encourage your child to work, from time to time, in a group with her peers. Having to explain things to each other will both clarify the thinking of the ‘teacher’, and the ‘learner’ will be more likely to query areas of uncertainty.
* Provide a specific place to work that is quiet, well lit and clear of clutter.

Assignments and homework
* Ask every day what homework your child has been given and discuss the work. Talk about the subject rather than giving direct information or telling the child what to do.
* Brainstorm ideas on the topic. This will develop her mental skills to assimilate facts.
* Take books and reference material from the library. Give guidance without actually doing the work.
* Minimise distractions. Turn off the TV and make sure that games and toys have been packed away when it’s time to settle down to do homework.
* Ensure she takes regular breaks while doing homework, before she becomes fatigued or stressed. This will refresh her concentration.
* Make sure she is not hungry while doing homework. This doesn’t mean snacking all the time while working. A hungry child will not be able to concentrate on the task at hand.
* Check that all your child’s homework has been completed.
* Pack her school bag the night before to avoid having things forgotten or left behind. This will prevent any crises in the morning,
* Set a bedtime and insist it’s adhered to.

Words by Words by Barbara Mowatt.

From January/February 2005 ClubCard Magazine
Clicks.co.za

play and your toddler

This article talks about play and development from the age of 3 to 5. It suggests some appropriate play to help a child develop.

play in children from 3 – 4 years
The pre-schooler at 3 years is a social creature. Hence it is important that they are exposed to group activities.

At this stage, he is also able to run, climb just about over anything, walk up and down stairs one foot at a time without holding onto rails and ride a tricycle.

Hand skills improve tremendously at this stage. The child is able to stack 12 – 14 blocks, copy 3 – 4 block designs and fix 4 – 6 piece jigsaw puzzles. He also begins to try colouring within the boundary instead of scribbling random strokes. He is able to trace simple dot to dot designs such as that of a dog. Scissors skills can be introduced as they start to cut strips and gradually progress to lines and curves.

A good mix of gross motor and fine motor activities will suit the child. Playing in the park or playground with the neighbour’s children, kicking the ball, chasing each other will allow the child to test and develop his gross motor skills.

Sitting down at the table to trace, colour and try out the new jigsaw puzzle with an adult teaches him at an early stage to have good sitting down behaviour. His creativity, hand skills and problem solving abilities are also given an opportunity to develop.

play in children from 4 – 5 years
They start to take up roles in group play. They also start to understand and follow rules. Games like hopscotch, Snap, hide and seek, snakes and ladders, Let’s Pretend are some examples of what they enjoy.

Give your child lots of opportunities to mix with other children. Your little one is on his way to being a a very sophisticated social creature. He is already able to read body language, read emotional cues, make decisions on how to act based on the situation he is in and the cues he is picking up.

The ages of 3 – 5 is and exciting and fun time. The primary role of the parent is to be present, give the child lots of opportunities and then let nature do the rest. If your child likes airplanes, then spend time with him folding it and decorating it. It is the process of doing things together and building the relationship that brings you and your child a long way.

Source: Huggies South africa

Safety Tips For Your Crawling Baby

Until today, it was easy to look after your baby; he was lying down in one place and was not mobile.

However, now that he has discovered mobility: he can crawl now, the world has become an exciting place for him, full of things that he has to discover for himself, taste, feel, smell, see and experience.

This is the time when all parents have to be extra vigilant. A crawling baby can get into all kinds of tight situations, and your home has to be made ‘crawling baby safe’ so that you may be able to enjoy him more as he moves around excitedly.

Your baby may empty out your entire rack of CDs, which had been at floor level, or he may try to pull on to the wastebasket so that he can sit up or stand.

The wastebasket may tip over, causing your baby to fall, or on the other hand, it may contain dangerous items that may seem extremely attractive to your exploring baby, and he may want to taste them.

You as a parent will have to have an eye peeled out for the dangers around your baby, so that you may be able to prevent unwarranted mishaps. [Infant safety]

Here are some tips for you:

Make sure that all electrical outlets are kept well protected with safety caps. This will prevent your baby from inserting things into the points and suffering electrical shock.
Make sure all electric cords are well out of reach of your baby’s inquisitive hands. If he pulls on an unsecured cord, he may bring the lamp down on himself.
Make sure the floor is kept scrupulously clean at all times; you never know what your baby will find. Remove all small choking hazards and poisonous materials.
If you have a staircase that your baby is unbearably attracted to, then invest in safety gates for the landings at the bottom and top. Keep these safety gates locked at all times, and if your baby wants to crawl up the stairs on his own, let him, but make sure you stay right behind him; never leave him alone on the stairs.
Remember; ‘baby proofing’ your home and the baby’s environment is extremely essential, not only for his safety, but also for your mental peace and well being.

Otherwise, you may end up having to say ‘NO’ to everything that he wants to do, thereby unnecessarily curtailing your baby’s natural desire to explore and find things on his own.

http://www.newbornbabyzone.com/health-safety/safety-tips-for-your-crawling-baby/

Let the Child be a Child

By Mohammed Khalfan of Dar el Salaam, Tanzania

A child was visited at home by his friend. That night the child declined to sleep in his room. He insisted on joining the parents in their bedroom. The fear was triggered when the friend asked the child if he was afraid to sleep so close to a window when ghosts and spirits peep directly into the room.

The tactful approach to the situation should have been for the parents to accede to what the child had pleaded for, at least, for that night knowing that such fears wear off or become much less the next day. Instead they thought it a good opportunity to enforce the parental discipline over the child so that he abandons what was perceived as a sissy trait.

The child was restless that night because he was a human child, and if only the parents knew that! The father’s argument kept ringing in his ears: “why believe in a ghost or spirit when you have seen none and will see none of them ever in your life?” and he would ask himself: yes, why?

The child was betraying nothing more than a simple natural fear of the Unseen, because he, as human, has been created with a nature which readily believes in the Unseen – that Unseen which includes Allah, Angels, Jinns and Shaitan. No wonder the fundamental teaching in Islam is Iman bil Ghaib that is, the Belief in the Unseen.

The subject of Al-Ghaib reveals one thoughtful aspect for discussion here: fear! It is a part of the instinct for self-preservation or survival. It is not something that a child should be made ashamed of. In fact, manifestation of fear is a welcome sign of a mental normalcy in him.

To ask the child to banish fear is like asking him to banish his human instinct. A good authority on the natural aspect of fear in the children states:

Another characteristic of the child’s personality is the presence of many fears. These fears result from uncertainty combined with easy recourse to imagination. The imagination runs toward superlatives, and when a child indulges in fantasy, things are either very attractive or very threatening.

We can ascribe a reason for this in the context of Islam: imagination by the child or his fantasy is a phase of manifestation of his attempt at perceiving things which are and remain Unseen. The child’s negative fear of an unseen being like a ghost or spirit indicates one important thing – the existence of the natural positive capacity for submission to his Creator – in the realm of the Unseen. It is a manifestation of Al Iman bil Ghaib.

So let the child be a child, because treating him as an adult will not turn him into an adult before his time!

May Allah help us relate to our children as Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) related with his grandsons. May He help us treat them mercifully when they need affection and firmly when they need discipline.

Reprinted from the IslamiCity bulletin

Source: Zawaj.com

Discipline

Why is “No” his favourite word?

DEALING WITH NEGATIVISM
Your baby’s negativism (saying “no” all the time, running away, throwing things, and so on) has probably surged lately. This affects feeding, sleeping, playing, teasing – all the areas of important communication between parents and child. He is actively testing his limits thanks to his new-found mobility, awareness that people and objects have permanence, and heightened ability to manipulate and control toys and his environment. Tantrums are common at this age, along with other types of openly negative, provocative behaviour. Discipline, then, becomes a critical part of your role as parents in the second year. Again, be consistent in your rules and turn away when you get very angry.

Planning your long-term discipline strategies

A LONG-TERM GOAL
As your child starts testing you and the limits you’ve set, remember that discipline means teaching, not punishment. Discipline is a long-term goal, and your goal is to teach your child to limit himself. What you do at any one time isn’t the issue. It’s being consistent and imposing limits wisely, when they really matter, that count.

Parenting classes

BACK TO SCHOOL
If you haven’t already, you might think about taking a parenting class on discipline. In some areas these are provided by health visitors or parenting organisations. It’s important to get some information on this topic and to discuss with your partner how you plan to set limits. You may be surprised at the different views you have on this topic, so try to agree on an approach as soon as possible. Spouses who feel similarly about most things may find that they have very different ideas about disciplining their children. Sit down and discuss various approaches. Consistency is the most important thing for your child. If you cannot agree, how can he know how to behave well for both of you? Ask your health care provider for some suggestions on local parenting programs if you think you could benefit from them.

FYI:
It’s also a good idea to get some advice on babies’ sleep patterns, behaviour management or choosing day-care. Classes are sometimes available through the community colleges, from your health visitors or parenting organisations. Your health visitor or your GP as well as other mothers are the people to ask. Meeting other families can be another real plus of taking these classes. You and your child should have a community of people who can provide the emotional and practical support you’ll need as parents.

Tips
Moments to treasure
When you want to treat your child to a fun activity, put your stale bread to good use and go and feed the ducks. Take a trip to a nearby lake or pond to see where the ducks live, and bring along a picnic for the two of you while you’re at it.

The above post is courtesy of the Pampers Newsletter for children aged 12-24 months.

Understanding your baby’s new anxieties… 7months+

BABY’S GROWING AWARENESS

As your baby’s social world expands, and she reaches a certain level of awareness and understanding of other people, she will start to develop new anxieties. This is a normal, healthy stage in development, but can be quite trying for parents. From six months onwards, fear of strangers really starts to kick in. An up-to-now very sociable and confident baby can, almost overnight, turn into a fearful and clingy child. But it’s only a temporary phase that all babies have to pass through as they learn about their world. This period definitely calls for extra patience. Give your baby lots of encouragement and plenty of time to adjust to new situations or people. Be aware that even those she has met on several occasions, such as relatives or friends, might be greeted with trepidation or even tears. Right now, she feels the need at each meeting to reassess them and their place in her world. It may be a good idea to warn visitors about your baby’s current sensitivity to strangers. Rather than scooping her up and covering her with kisses the instant they walk through the door, they should give her the opportunity to come to them, on her own terms, once she feels confident and comfortable enough to do so.

SEPARATION TROUBLES

Along with a weariness of strangers, at some point in the next six months your baby is likely to experience a stage when she finds it particularly hard to be separated from you. She will cling to you at every opportunity and burst into tears if you so much as leave the room. Again, this is not an indication of a permanent, new personality trend. It is precisely because she is taking an ever-greater role in the world, that she starts to fear separation so much. You are her safety base, the one thing she absolutely relies on – you give her the confidence to venture out and explore. When you’re out of sight, she cannot be sure that you’ll ever return, and she feels rather lost. So her best protection is to ensure you do not leave her side! Try to see things from her point of view. This will help you cope with what can be a difficult and frustrating time for parents. If you need to leave your baby once separation anxiety sets in, talk reassuringly to her about your impending absence. She will not necessarily understand everything you say, but she’ll respond to your calm, confident tone. And, whenever possible, try to leave her with people she knows well, until you’re sure she’s overcome her fear of strangers.

Source: Pampers Newsletter (Your Baby, Month 7)

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