Our children in Ramadaan

From Darul Ihsan

Generally speaking, children are not required to fast Ramadan until they reach the “age of maturity.” However, scholars believe that parents should train them to fast a few days or so, until they become ready to fast when they reach that age. Similar to praying, the Prophet ordered parents to train their children to pray starting with the age of seven. The question remains, how does training to fast begin? Dr. Abala Khlaiwi from the faculty of Islamic Studies at Al-Azhar University was posed this question. The reply was that children should be trained to fast gradually. They differ in their realization of the environment around them, especially parents avoiding eating or drinking due to the fact that they are fasting. If children begin to realize that, becoming aware of the advent of Ramadan, and start to ask questions, parents should answer their questions and tell them about the holy month. For example, they ask them to fast an hour or two, saying that Allah will reward you for one hour. The parents explain to the child that Allah will reward them more for each hour they fast. Then they should be asked to fast for a day and so on, according to Dr. Khlaiwi.
Simultaneously, youngsters should be asked to give or share their candy with orphan neighbors, because this teaches them how fortunate they are to have their parents around. It also teaches them that they live in an environment where they all should take care of each other’s needs. Ultimately, it teaches them to be conscious of Allah, and the feeling of community. These values usually are imprinted in the minds and hearts of children and remain with them throughout their lives.
Dr. Khlaiwi recalls when she was 6 years old, she fasted a whole day and felt so happy, so accomplished. She was proud of herself and her religion. Another important aspect of Ramadan and other Islamic rituals is that parents should involve their children and ask for their participation. Thus, children are to take part in the rituals parents are performing. When the father goes to the mosque, he should take his children with him and not leave them to waste their time watching TV and other friutless activities. If the mother prays, she also should ask her little one to stand beside her so she gets to know the prayers.
It’s also recommended that parents take their children to break the fast with handicapped children, as well as orphans. Again, it teaches them to feel how fortunate they are and to be sympathetic and understanding to the needs of others, especially handicapped members of the community.
Children should also be involved in making the Ramadan dishes so they taste the joy of Ramadan. Toward the end of the month, parents should take their children to spend Eid time with their relatives in their hometowns.

Source: everymuslim

ABSA ISLAMIC BANKING TEACHES SOUTH AFRICA’S CHILDREN TO SAVE

Absa Islamic Banking today joins hands with the national Teach a Child to Save South Africa (TCTS SA) campaign, the initiative to equip South Africa’s children with basic financial literacy skills.

The Islamic chapter of TCTS SA will be launched today at the Central Islamic School in Laudium, west of Pretoria. Absa Islamic Banking will also visit two schools in Lenasia , the Al Aqsa Primary School in Sirkon Avenue and the Al Aqsa Primary School in Duck Avenue.
TCTS SA is an initiative of the Banking Association of South Africa, as well as the South African Savings Institute, and it is supported by the Department of Basic Education. Since 2008, it has coincided with Savings Month in July.

Absa Islamic Banking is involved with the Islamic chapter of TCTS SA, which rolls out nationwide between today and 10 August, shortly before the Holy month of Ramadaan, a month of contemplation, self-sacrifice and fasting for Muslims the world over. The Islamic chapter lesson plan has been structured specifically to reflect the concept of money in Islam, and incorporates the following teachings:
• Money (or resources) is the bounty of Allah
• Money has no intrinsic value, and is merely a means of trade
• Ownership of money ultimately belongs to Allah, and its use has been entrusted to us
• Hoarding and wasting of money is prohibited
• It must be lawfully earned and spent
• Paying of Zakah (obligatory religious levy if one is eligible), in which a portion of one’s wealth is given to the poor, which represents the third pillar of Islam. Zakah purifies one’s money and uplifts the community
• Sadaqah and Lillah donations (voluntary charity) safeguard one from calamities and misfortunes

“We expect to reach at least 10 000 children with our Islamic chapter lesson plan this year, which is aimed at learners in Grades 4-7. By teaching our children to save money, we are investing in the future by equipping the next generation to prudently handle their finances and not fall into debt,” says Absa Islamic Banking managing director, Amman Muhammad.

“The lesson will teach children to learn the difference between needs and wants – and to identify which is more important, what it means to save money, where and how to open a bank account, how to draw up a budget and how to start a savings plan. Learning all of these aspects of saving will provide them with a solid foundation for their future financial wellbeing.”
Absa Islamic Banking’s participation in the TCTS SA campaign is one of the ways that it can serve the communities in which it operates, says Muhammad.

“Our faith advocates charity, and this initiative is a valuable contribution that we can make to the communities that have helped to make our bank a success. In addition, Muslim employees of Absa will also be approaching schools in communities all over South Africa as part of the TCTS SA campaign. We are proud to be associated with TCTS SA, and to play a role in securing the financial future of our children.”

ENDS

Issued by Marcus Brewster Publicity on behalf of Absa Islamic Banking.

Contact:
Zubeir Shah
Tel No: 011 022 9711

Bittersweet: A Spiritual Perspective on Special Needs Parenting

by Abez
MuslimMatters.org

I’ve tried several times to begin this article and this is my third attempt. I’m supposed to be writing about special needs parenting from an Islamic/Muslim/Spiritual point of view, and the challenge is finding a balance between the bitter and the sweet. I have had some experience, my son Khalid was born with autism, a neurological disorder with complex genetic causes and no known cure. He woke up crying every two hours from the day he was born until he was almost three. He learned how to talk just last year and he occasionally still freaks out if you laugh too loudly in his vicinity. He used to bang his head against windows and walls and cry until he threw up. He’s made wonderful progress, Alhamdulillah, but at the end of the day, he still has autism, and we still have our daily challenges.

It’s hard to understand autism from the outside, and to be fair, no two people are affected in the same way. On the severe end of the scale, there’s our friend Dan, who does not talk, cannot walk properly and was in diapers until 13. His parents put him in leather gloves to prevent him from biting his hands to the bone when he is frustrated. On the other end of the spectrum is our friend Zaina, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a form of autism that Hollywood likes – she’s extremely intelligent, is physically normal, but so socially impaired that she barely talks, cannot make eye contact, and cannot even begin to understand the complexities of interacting with other people. My son Khalid is somewhere in the middle. He has his funny quirks, but he can pass for physically normal unless he’s spinning in circles or flapping his hands. He’s no genius, and his mental age may be behind his physical age, but he’s slowly learned his ABC’s and even attempts to play with other children.Alhamdulillah, his autism is moderate.

In the two years since his diagnosis, I’ve learned more about patience and trust in Allah than I had in my entire life before that, and having a child with autism has been a blessing that I cannot imagine living without. I’m sure there’s more to learn still, but I know that once upon a time, I thought waiting for an hour was a long wait. Until a few months ago, putting Khalid to bed took an average of an hour and a half every night – sometimes less, often more. I would sit next to him, or lie down next to him, and wait for the screaming, bouncing, kicking, pinching and crying to fade into silence. And I had to sit quietly, and not move or talk, and do my best to imitate some sort of maternal rock as the storm of Khalid battered against it.

I didn’t do a very good job at first, I would yell at him to lay down, and he would become scared and cry. So I would yell more, and he would scream, and I would yell more, and it would escalate until he would be shaking with fear and I with rage and at some point it occurred to me that my own son was genuinely terrified and couldn’t understand why he was being yelled out. And then, Allah gave me sabr, and then a diagnosis, and then the understanding that Khalid wasn’t disobeying, he just had no idea what was going on.
Even today, when Khalid is having a weird night and half an hour turns into an hour and a half, I just sit in the dark and do dhikr, or plan the next day, or think, and if he’s still not tired after about two hours, we just get up and go play for a bit. I’ll have a glass of water and maybe even a cookie. Khalid will get on the computer (yes, he uses the computer) and play games for as long as is takes for him to start looking tired, after which we’ll go back to bed again. And I’ll sit next to him in the dark, and he’ll roll around and count his toes, or sing quietly to himself, and occasionally he’ll sit up to make sure I’m still there, but eventually he will doze off and I can finally get to bed, sometimes three or four hours after we “went to bed.” And before you accuse me of being exceptional, Aal’s mother spends three hours just feeding him, three times a day. And he still hits himself.

Yes, I have a lot of stories. We autism moms tend to gravitate towards one another, not because we have a manifesto or a secret handshake, but because at the end of the day when your child took off their dirty diaper in the mall and got lost in the parking lot and wouldn’t eat their lunch because some of the carrots were too orange, no one else will understand you except for another autism mom.
Another mother, Noura, called me a few weeks ago, and she had that quiver in her voice that we all get from time to time when we need to break down a bit so that we can put ourselves back together. She had been trying to get her daughter into a school, and no school would take her. She had been trying to get her daughter into a swimming class, but when she went for her first trial, the instructor refused to accept a child with “such behaviors.” Noura had been running desperately from one place to another to get her daughter accepted into social and educational programs of any sort, because her daughter will be turning eight and has never been to school. She told me these things crying over the phone, frustrated and burnt out and just needing to hear something to keep her going. “I just don’t know,” she kept saying, “I don’t know what else I can do.”

I didn’t know what else she could do either, except for what I do, which is to ask Allah for help. We have been told that a child’s Jannah is beneath his or her mother’s feet, but in some cases, a mother’s Jannah may be beneath the feet of her special needs child. And perhaps the father’s too, Allahu Aalim. The tables get turned on both parents, and those who were relying on their grown children for care in their old age are instead preparing to care for grown children who cannot feed, bathe, or even clothe themselves. Instead of looking forward to retirement, parents dread the time when they can no longer earn an income to support their children.
If you want to see an adult cry, ask a father or mother what will happen to their special needs daughter or son after they die. If you could see inside of their head, you would see an exploding matrix of questions, fears, worries, and desperate plans. You would re-read every news story you’ve ever read of neglect or abuse, or even rape, of special needs adults by paid caretakers who take advantage of individuals who do not know how to defend themselves or even speak. You would hear the point and counterpoint of a mind divided between wanting more children who could potentially care for the child, versus not wanting to risk having another child with the same genetically linked condition. You would see mental excel sheets tallying savings and money spent on current treatments versus saved for future life-long care, and money not saved for the education of the other children, and you would see a lot of figures in red. Special needs parenting is expensive. And scary. But here’s something unexpected – it’s also beautiful, and humbling, and when undertaken with trust in Allah and faith in His decisions, it is the catalyst for spiritual evolution.

Recognizing that our special-needs children are a trial as well as an opportunity to earn blessings, we are able to change the stories we tell ourselves. When we look at our children, and Shaitaan whispers “Why you? Why your child? How could God do this to you? It’s not fair,” we can bravely answer back. Allah chose me for this because He knew I could handle it, and He never gives anyone more than they can bear. I am not Khalid’s Rabb, Allah is, and when I die, He will look after Khalid with a love seventy times greater than my own. I can only save so much money and teach his sister to look out for him only so much. Khalid’s care is with Allah. His rizq is with his Lord. And he may never learn how to work and he may never get married or hold a job, and he may die alone, or he may die before I do, but he will be raised as an innocent – one who will be exempt from the fear of judgment because he never knew what sin was. If he never had a job, then he will never be asked about his wealth. If he never speaks, he will not be asked about lying. And these things are terrifying for me to think of, to type even, but I know that Allah has given my son autism for a reason, and all of Allah’s reasons are good reasons.

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware.‘”

[Reported by al-Tabarani]

Sometimes, when I look at Khalid I wonder what life would be like if he were ‘normal.’ He has the most enormous, beautiful brown eyes. He skin is a light olive, he has silky dark hair and a smile that could melt the polar ice caps. Perhaps normalcy would be too dangerous for Khalid. Or maybe he would be fine, maybe the autism is for me. I know with absolute certainty that if my son did not have autism, I would not have been a dedicated parent and a desperate Muslim. If I had not been pushed through fear for his future and hardship through the present, I would never have understood what it really meant to pray. My trust in Allah and acknowledgement of his Rububiyya (Lordship) would never have moved beyond the superficial. Can you dread for your child’s future without losing hope in Allah’s mercy? Is your taqwa greater than your fear?
It has taken me some time, but I can finally thank Allah for Khalid’s autism. It may save him from accountability , and it has definitely saved me from living in the unreal world – one where I care more about my child’s postgraduate degree than his iman. And while I have an entire lifetime of challenges to look forward to, I am keeping faith that Allah intends nothing but good for Khalid and I. If that means waiting until the resurrection to see my son as a normal young man, then so be it. Khalid and I will meet again at Al-Kauthar, and sit in Jannahwith an eternity of ease to make up for one small lifetime of hardship.

May Allah have mercy on all Muslims, and ease whatever difficulties they are facing, and strengthen their imanand increase them in sabr, and reunite them with their loved ones in the company of the righteous. Ameen.

http://muslimmatters.org/2010/07/21/bittersweet-a-spiritual-perspective-on-special-needs-parenting/

Focus: The Importance of Reading

Parents know that they are supposed to read but too often we become too ‘busy’ to sit with our children and engage in a wonderful world of words. The following articles (one from an Islamic perspective and the other by a Western writer) are to provide you with motivation to start or continue your journey:

The Importance of Reading in Islam
Learn How Islam Emphasises The Need To Be Literate

Maria Zain
“Read!” the voice resonated in the cave of Mount Hira’ for the third time. The man called Muhammad froze, mostly in fear and confusion in the arms of Arch Angel Gabriel. When he found his voice, he told the angel he did not know how to read.
“Read, in the name of thy Lord who created, man from a clot. Read, for your Lord is most Generous, who teaches by means of the pen, teaches man what they know not,” (al-’Alaq: 1-5)
The man soon to be known as Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) received the first revelation of the holy Qur’an – Islam’s holy scripture that remains untainted and unchanged until this very day. The underlying message of the Qur’an remains too – “read.”
The Qur’an is the most quoted book in the world, describing Islam as the complete way of life for every Muslim to follow. It is also the most widely read, recited and memorised book in the world.
Reading comes naturally to humans when the time comes to broach education. Children as young as three are learning to read in some countries. Benefits orf reading come like no other. Educators agree that reading to young babies every day ignites curiosity in reading material and teaches children to respect and cherish books. Reading is also a catalyst for growth and development. Young, avid readers are more likely to grow into confident adults.
Reading is knowledge
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged his followers to broaden their horizons by seeking knowledge – even to the depths of China (Bukhari). He enthusiastically welcomed traders from different countries to stop-by in Madinah to have his followers learn and appreciate their cultures.
Nowadays, reading material is of abundance and allows the plight for knowledge to be easier than ever.
Reading – a compensation for freedom
The first battle Muslims fought was the battle of Badr, whereby they were attempting to salvage their rightful possessions that their Quraysh brethren had hijacked and were transporting to sell off for profits. When the small number of ousted Muslims triumphed against the men of Makkah, many of their former friends and relatives were held as prisoners.
Muslims during the first years of the Islam comprised mostly of the poor and illiterate – they were mostly those who escaped undue discrimination and mal-treatment of the wealthy. When these Muslims captured the people who had once tortured them in their homeland Makkah, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and unkindness towards the Quraysh prisoners.
Instead, her ordered for them to be quartered amongst Muslims and to be treated with kindness. Some were allowed to buy their freedom through ransoms. Some were given the alternative: to teach 10 Muslims how to read and write. Upon doing so, they would be free, (Ibrahim B. Syed, Education of Muslims in Kentucky Prisons; Louisville: Islamic Research Foundation International).
Reading as part of building a civilisation
A milestone in the development of Islam was marked during the treaty of Hudaybah. The Muslims were venturing back to Makkah to perform the pilgrimage ritual. They were stopped by the Quraysh – the tribe now worried that the Muslims were growing stronger. A treaty was enacted to disallow Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his followers to only perform the rite the following year. In return, the Quraysh promised 10 years of peace between themselves and the Muslims. In addition to that, the Muslims were also free to spread the message of Islam.
Upon the enactment of this document, the Muslims jumped at the opportunity to teach followers of other faiths what they had learned about their new religion. Little did they know, the treaty was to be breached two years later by their nemesis. They paraded into Makkah with full triumph and reclaimed the land that was rightfully theirs.
None of this would have happened should the Muslim entourage not have the ability to read and agree to the contract.
Reading the Qur’an: plenty of blessings
Most importantly for Muslims is the desire to read the Qur’an. Reading the Qur’an however, also means to understand the words and to practice what is being taught. Muslims are told that the ranking of Muslims in Paradise would be determined by the number of Qur’anic verses a Muslim has learned during his or her lifetime.
Allah says, “Those who recite the Book of Allah, and establish the prayer, and spend of that which We have bestowed on them secretly and openlu, they look forward to imperishable gain, that He will pay them their wages and increase them of His grace. Lo! He is Forgiving, Responsive.” (Fatir: 29-30)
The Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) reminded, “Those who recite the Qur’an beautifully are like the noble scribes (angels)l but as for those who are struggling to read it with hardship will merit double rewards,” (Bukhari & Muslim).

The Importance of Reading in Islam: Learn How Islam Emphasises The Need To Be Literate http://islamic-beliefs.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_importance_of_reading_in_islam#ixzz0pmubboq9

importance of reading to baby

What better gift can we give our children than a love of reading?

Teaching children to read is one thing; encouraging them to want to read is another. Obviously very young children can’t read themselves, so reading to them each day is such an important first step. Why?

It gets them thinking creatively, sets reading up as an enjoyable activity, gives children an appreciation and respect for books, promotes language and vocabulary development, and allows for lots of great family time. Nothing beats a cuddle on the lounge or on a huge bean bag with your child while you read a book together.

When we read to children we:
• Answer children’s questions.
• Promote language skills
• Promote reading skills
• Develop longer attention spans
• Strengthen family relationships
Even if you don’t have a lot of time, and let’s be honest a lot of us don’t, you can still encourage your child to read by making up stories to go with picture books with no words or attending a regular storytelling time. Most libraries offer this on a regular basis.

it’s never too early to start!
Children’s brains begin to develop from the moment they emerge from the womb. Newborns respond to bright pictures, the rhythm of words and the comfort of a parent speaking to them. As parents, the voice we use when we read to children is different to our normal speaking voice which is something they really respond to.

The foundations that determine how clever, creative and imaginative a child will be are largely laid down by the time a child turns one. It’s incredible but true: at this age, most children have learnt all the sounds that make up the spoken language. By the age of two, children have a vocabulary of around 50 words.

Research has shown that language is acquired most rapidly in the first five years of life. What better way to teach language than to read to your children?

Reading aloud to children will develop their speaking skills and help them to make connections – the look of words, the way they work in sentences, how the word functions. Books can help children to learn to concentrate, to explore their inner feelings, to express themselves and to resolve conflicts.

Recent studies have shown that there is a direct relationship between literacy success and success within the wider world. Even self-esteem has been linked to the ability to read and write. Don’t underestimate the power of books.

Don’t worry if you don’t have any children’s books at home, a young baby will love hearing you read from the newspaper or your favourite novel as long as you make it sound good to them. Play up the animation and use your best acting skills – they’ll love it.

The experts say that children need 1,000 stories read to them before they begin to learn to read for themselves. Sounds like a lot? It’s just three stories a day over a year.

Huggies.co.za

15 Tips to Raising Great Children – Jamiatul Ulama KZN

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.

With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.

It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.

However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah (swt) and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).

Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values.

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say ‘this is haraam, that is haraam’. While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

 

http://www.jamiat.org.za/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=358:15-tips-to-raising-great-children&catid=48:parenting&Itemid=84

The Family Way: Ten Tips For Expecting Muslims

Source: MuslimMatters.org
Posted by Sadaf Farooqi • May 17th, 2010

بسم اللّٰہ الرحمٰن الرحیم

The exciting news has barely seeped in that the overjoyed Muslim couple starts planning and preparing for the imminent arrival of its new bundle of joy. Although the level of nervousness, excitement and anticipation does depend greatly on whether it is a first-time pregnancy, or a subsequent one that will add to an existing brood, nevertheless, no one can help but enthusiastically look forward to a fresh new stint on the parenting journey.

Time immemorial has seen women give birth successfully. Each human being we behold is proof of the fact that some day, many years ago, a pregnant mother carried and bore that individual during several stages of difficulty and innate weakness.
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain, and his utter dependence on her lasted two years: (hear the command, O man!), “Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (your final) Return.” [31:14]
Yet, when a woman embarks on this journey, even if it is not her first time at it, she becomes overwhelmed by a myriad of diverse, and sometimes conflicting, emotions – euphoria, anxiety, hope, despair, joy, fear, excitement, foreboding, and uncertainty, to name just a few.
For Muslims, this new development (pun intended) calls for higher levels of taqwa (consciousness of Allah), and complete, unswerving tawakkul (trust in Him). As I have been on this journey a couple of times, and having experienced answering the questions of many sisters who have turned to me for counsel when they were in the family way, I have decided to share today some tips for the expectant Muslim parent, for the future benefit of those who are already on the way to becoming parents, or hope to some day:

You are not the only one scared by this
If you find yourself imagining how difficult it will be to give birth to and care for a baby, rest assured that every woman feels that way when she becomes pregnant. No one was born to be “the perfect mother”; in fact, the so-called ‘perfect mother’ doesn’t exist. Every mother who has ever lived, made mistakes and learned from them. Most had really bad days during any of their pregnancy trimesters, when nausea and bodily aches made them cry; when their feet swelled up in the 9th month and standing or walking became a nightmare; when they said the most obnoxious things during a mood swing, or when they thought they’d just never be able to pull through any of the difficult stages. You are not alone!

Seek forgiveness
Expectant mothers feel guilty about complaining of pain, fatigue and weakness; of grumbling about lack of strength; of being deprived of the enjoyment of previously pursued hobbies and pastimes, and for feeling scared and overwhelmed about the future. They feel guilty because inside, they know that in actuality, they are being blessed by Allah, by being given a baby through a safely progressing pregnancy. They know that scores of women who are not able to conceive would give an arm or leg to be in their position – yet they cannot prevent themselves at times from feeling hopeless, lonely, tearful and utterly miserable.
Know that your body is undergoing the biggest change possible – such a change involves emotional and physical upheavals; lots of crying, worrying and whining. However, there is one very effective way to release the corresponding guilt: repentance on a daily basis. It wipes out whatever bad you do. Remember to continue with this beneficial procedure during pregnancy. Recite the masnoon istighfar at least a hundred times a day. It takes only a few minutes.

Thank Allah
Being blessed with a child is indeed something we should be grateful for. Remind yourself that you are blessed; that to know that you are fertile is a very positive, morale-boosting feeling for a woman. Remind yourself that the mortification felt by countless women, who are unable to conceive after being married for several years, is much more psychologically and emotionally, trying than a few months of pain, weakness and fatigue.
Even if your pregnancy is “unplanned” or “unwanted” – force yourself to thank Allah for this blessing, because a pious child is one of the greatest means of benefit and reward after a Muslim leaves this world. Look at the bigger picture and console yoursef by thinking, for example, “In a few years, I will not even think about this pain and weakness, insha’Allah, but will be enjoying the company of a beautiful child!” Also, remember that pious offspring is one of the major sources of continuous rewards for a Muslim even after death.

Do your homework/gain knowledge
Gain knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth; not just on its Islamic rulings and jurisprudence, but also medical know-how about what is going on inside your body. Reading on the Internet is a very efficient way to find out the basics, as long as you are wise enough to differentiate between the facts and myths.

Introduce the Quran to your baby
When the fetus is fully formed, just after the first three months of pregnancy are up, it can hear sounds from outside the mother’s body. While your baby is inside you, it primarily identifies and gets accustomed to your voice. It is at this point that healthcare providers advise the expectant parents to start talking to their baby as if it was right there in front of them. The baby quickly identifies the voices of people it hears the most, especially its mother.
Capitalize on this one-on-one, exclusive bond with your unborn baby, which will be gone once the pregnancy is over. Recite the Quran (if you can, without rushing through it) every single day until the delivery date, once your fourth month of pregnancy has begun and your baby will be listening to each and every word you utter. When a mother speaks, the sound waves of her voice travel to the baby, so imagine how great the effect of melodious, soothing Quran recitation would be on the fetus! Divide your recitation so that the baby hears the whole Quran in your voice before you deliver.
In addition, recite the du’a that the mother of Maryam Bint `Imran did when she was expecting her baby:
إِذْ قَالَتِ امْرَأَةُ عِمْرَانَ رَبِّ إِنِّي نَذَرْتُ لَكَ مَا فِي بَطْنِي مُحَرَّرًا فَتَقَبَّلْ مِنِّي إِنَّكَ أَنتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ
“Behold! a woman of ‘Imran said: ‘O my Lord! I do dedicate unto You what is in my womb for Your special service: So accept this of me: For You hear and know all things.‘” [3:35]
With this du’a, you can renew your intention every day that this baby would be a pious servant of Allah who would devote his or her life to striving in Allah’s cause. You will see the amazing results of thus dedicating your child to Allah during pregnancy, once your baby is safely delivered and starts to grow. The child will show an innate affinity towards the Quran and other forms of worship from very early on in infancy,insha’Allah!

Be patient
Prophet Muhammad [صلى الله عليه و سلم] said that, “….the woman who dies during pregnancy is a martyr.”
[Narrated by Ahmad (23804), Abu Dawood (3111) and Al-Nasaa'i (1846)].
This inevitably means that whilst she is pregnant, she is akin to a warrior or worker in Allah’s path. Imagine! You are bringing a life into this world…but not just one life. Your offpsring is the continuation of a lineage – a predecesssor to many more generations, insha’Allah.
The difficulty that you are going through is written for you because of the magnanimity of the work being taken from you – the greatness of the responsibility of bringing a life, or rather a continuation of existing life, into this world! No wonder you are stricken with fears, emotional turmoil, mood swings, lack of sleep, physical fatigue, bloating and in the latter stages, debilitating immobility.
To be patient means to try not to say unpleasant and negative things; not to snap at and make life miserable for others, and to persevere in worship and obedience to Allah as usual, despite the difficulty.

Seek advice
The importance of sisterly moral support and consultation cannot be underestimated. It makes an expectant mother feel much better to hear the past pregnancy experiences of friends and relatives. However, when talking to other women and seeking their advice, it is very important not to undermine your own uniqueness. Allah created the one-of-a-kind you, and that means that not everything that works for someone else might work equally well for you.
Also, the same woman experiences different pregnancies with each baby. If you had severity of nausea and vomiting with your first baby, its possible that, with your second, equally severe backache and edema will pose the biggest challenge. Know that every mother uses a trial-and-error method to get through the rigors of pregnancy, and you should also do that.

Follow your intuition
Allah guides His pious slaves by inspiring them to do something – He might place an idea or thought in your head, make you chance upon an article, book, or a phone conversation with someone that will become the means to finding the right solution to your problem. Whilst it is always wise to take the advice of elders and women who have “been there, done that,” you must trust and follow your own gut feeling, or intuition. A woman is programmed a certain way, and she should do what she herself thinks is right for herself and her unborn baby.

Do not be overtly apologetic
Likewise, if you choose not to follow someone else’s advice about your pregnancy, you do not have to feel guilty about it or apologize to them profusely. You have the right to choose to do what you think is best for you and your baby. And that includes choosing the appropriate obstetrician, birth plan, and mode of birth (home birth, water birth, etc.).

Allow room for mistakes
Last but not the least, remember that making mistakes is normal and perfectly acceptable. If you do something wrong, just rectify your stance and learn from the “Oops, I did it again!” experience. All mothers make mistakes; that is how they get good at what they do. Allah will forgive you for those mistakes, as long as you keep turning to Him in sincere repentance (as mentioned in point number two above) and are conscious of Him whenever you make a decision regarding yourself and your (unborn or born) baby. There is no right way or wrong way of nurturing a baby and what works for each mother-child pair is unique.
Your baby’s birth will, insha’Allah, signal the end of most of your physical troubles, but it will commence the next stage of your jihad – nursing and caring for your baby around the clock. With each passing day, each passing hour, you’ll learn the ropes and Allah will make it easier. Each succeeding baby is, likewise, easier to care for than the last one, as you have been there, done that, until the day comes when you can literally nurse and change a diaper whilst half asleep, without even turning on the light!

HELPING YOUR CHILD STUDY

By Claire Marketos

‘Tell me, I forget. Teach me, I remember. Involve me, I understand.’- Chinese proverb

Imagine you’re nine years old. Your first test is on Friday, and you have your book in front of you. Your mom tells you to revise your study material. Feeling helpless and ill-equipped, you stare at the pages, hoping that somehow you will remember something. Soon, you lose interest and begin playing with the dog. It is not surprising that studying turns into a lonely, repetitive chore you dread – one that stifles your natural curiosity. In the words of a fifth grader, ‘Studying is not fun.’

While most schools teach learners how to study, they do so in isolated classes, instead of integrating studying skills in daily lessons and notes, so that it becomes a part of learning. It is extremely frustrating and difficult for a fourth grader to try to apply what he has learned about studying in general to specific subjects. Your child therefore depends on you for help.

Between a rock and a hard place
Instead of treating it as yet another chore, unleash your creativity and approach study time as a fun, inspiring opportunity to bond with your children. By adopting an innovative way of thinking, your child will feel more connected to you and you will empower him with an enquiring mind for life.

Children are curious and instinctively explore their environment to find out more about the world around them. By appealing to your child’s innate inquisitiveness, you can turn studying into an incidental part of his daily activities. Show him how studying can be an enjoyable way to find answers to questions. For example, use Zulu words while preparing the salad. And while driving, throw out a question “Why is it important for people to pay taxes?” This will stimulate critical thinking and lively discussion. By collaborating with your child, you will demonstrate positive ways of interacting with others to find solutions to problems. That’s a useful attribute for almost any career your child may choose later on in life.

Learning how to study effectively is a process that has to be modified according to your child’s needs. There are so many factors influencing the way children study and how well they recall the material later. Whether your child is tired after a long day at school or just battling to concentrate on the task at hand, physical and emotional well-being plays a big role as does personality.

Stumbling blocks
• If you are going through a divorce and your child worries about this, he will struggle to apply himself.
• If your child is physically unwell, he may need medical intervention before he is able to concentrate.
• If your child has learning difficulties, he may require remedial assistance before he can study effectively.
• If your child has experienced trauma or grief, his ability to retain and recall knowledge will be impaired. Play therapy, among other treatments, may be necessary to provide him with the support he needs.

How children learn
If you are going to be of any help, you need to understand how children learn and how their brains function.

Passively reading through notes, is not the most effective way to study. Research shows that children learn most efficiently by being actively involved in the learning experience. By involving your child personally through writing, speaking, or experiencing the material, you will enable him to recollect it better. Walking around while acting out their assignment helps some students retain information. Others require bright colourful pictures and concrete objects to stimulate their minds. Try different methods, until you find the best way for your child to study- the more memorable and pleasurable the experience, the better the recall.

Learning in a group also greatly improves children’s comprehension, Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky discovered in his early twentieth century research. He also found that children who worked together were able to explain what they had learned in the context of their daily lives.

Studying with, you, his peers, or teacher, helps your child clarify ideas, ask questions, and understand the subject. Vygotsky calls this ‘reciprocal teaching’ and initially used it to teach reading. So, leaving your child to study alone in his bedroom is not the greatest way to help him retain knowledge. He will recall so much more if he can visualize the material while talking about it to you.

Sensory stimulation theorist Dugan Laird found that children can remember seventy-five percent of material presented in visual form such as pictures and diagrams, thirteen percent that is auditory and twelve percent through the other senses.

Have some fun
• Help your child turn his study notes into colourful diagrams, mind maps, and cartoons.
• Involve the whole family by using different voices to speak into a tape recorder, saying important facts. Let your child listen to the tape in the car or while taking a bath.
• Use visual and auditory stimulus from the computer, to help your child remember more of his notes. A great idea is to use your child’s notes to put together a PowerPoint presentation on the computer. It is time consuming, but as a visual aid it can be invaluable.

Feeding and stimulating the brain
The brain is the source not only of our intellect, but also of our emotions. It is who we are, and our moods influence our ability to concentrate. If your child is feeling pressured or frustrated, he will find it harder to retain information. We have all heard how we only use a small part of our brains and that we rarely reach our full potential. So how can you help stimulate your child’s brain to enhance learning and memory?

The brain comprise mainly fat, so it requires ‘good fats’ and protein to function efficiently. Eating a healthy meal of fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids before studying will help fuel the brain. A favourite memory booster recommended by American Mensa supervisory psychologist Dr. Frank Lawliss is banana and chocolate, preferably eaten together. Other brain foods are water, raw or steamed fruits and vegetables, avocado, whole grains, eggs, nuts, and vitamin D.

Tips to kick start the brain
• Play marching music and have your child chew gum containing the sugar substitute, xylitol, suggests Lawliss – but avoid gum containing aspartame and sugar.
• Physical exercise not only relieves stress, it also helps your child breathe more deeply, resulting in more oxygen reaching the brain. Doing a moderate amount of exercise before study will stimulate your child’s brain into action. Too much exercise, on the other hand, will make him feel tired with little energy left to concentrate.
• Games like chess, charades and building puzzles fires up the mind.
• Devise games to help your child remember his notes. Design a quiz show or modify 30 seconds as a revision aid. .
• Sleep is essential to recharge the mind and help process information- eight to ten hours’ sleep a night is ideal.

Create the right environment
As a child how many times were you told to go and sit at your desk and study? We tend to believe that to study properly we should be seated at a table in a quiet room with good lighting. Good lighting is crucial to avoid eye strain, but children learn in different ways and can study in all sorts of environments. Your child may be able to concentrate better when he walks around or sits on a gym ball with music playing in the background.

Be sensitive and flexible in the way you approach your child’s method of studying. Almost any environment can provide an opportunity to learn, so experiment with different places in the home, until you find those best suited to study. Being able to relax and being comfortable will make the experience more beneficial and pleasant. Nevertheless, trying to study in a room with the television on and other children playing is probably too distracting for most children.

Children with learning difficulties learn more effectively in an environment that is free of clutter, well organised and structured. Have all the necessary stationery available, especially brightly coloured highlighters, dictionaries, and keep a file for notes and pictures. Don’t forget to use the computer as a visual and auditory study aid.

Establish a routine
Routine makes children feel safe and secure. Children like to know with absolute certainty what is expected of them. Having a study routine will do away with questions like, ‘Do I have to study now?’ Remember to also chat about the subject in an informal way outside of study time while grocery shopping, watching the news, or when an interesting fact occurs to you. .

Most children become irritable when they are tired, so it is best not to schedule study time just before bed. Negotiate a time for studying with your child that you know is best suited to your child’s temperament. Some children study well in the afternoon after lunch and free play, while others study better after supper. Try to schedule it for the same time every day, but accommodate extra-murals and playtime. Your child needs a balanced lifestyle- time to pursue other interests and to relax in order to be successful.

Studying for hours on end is not productive. Your child will become tired and de-motivated. Memory and concentration also decrease after a while. Stick to the allotted time, and stop when that time is up. Focus instead on managing the set times efficiently. Allow short breaks to maintain concentration and to let the brain process the information. Tomorrow will provide another opportunity to study. If your child continues to spend hours doing homework and learning, it may be necessary to evaluate your expectations of him, or chat to the teacher to find out whether the workload is too heavy. If he is experiencing difficulties with some of the material, provide him with additional help.

Managing stress
Aspire to stimulating curiosity in your child along with the desire to know more about himself and the world around him, instead of merely aiming for higher grades. Children who leave school with passion and energy are motivated to seize the challenges faced in adulthood, whereas overachievers who tried to please their parents throughout their childhood may feel burned out, stressed and disinclined to pursue their ambitions.

Stressing over homework and studying is counterproductive. A stressed child can’t concentrate or remember what he is studying. Choose to stop stressing about studying and your child will most likely develop a more positive attitude towards it. Waking up early to study on the day of a test is likely to create additional stress- and it will probably be ineffective, since the brain will not have sufficient time to process the crammed information. Sleep is more important at this age than studying at the last minute.

Pressuring your child to obtain higher marks, criticising him, and making him redo work over and over again, is discouraging. Not only is your child less likely to do well, he may also develop feelings of resentment, and rebel by underachieving. Avoid comparing your children, especially across the sexes, since boys and girls learn in different ways. Research shows that children who have controlling, strict parents, tend to have lower self esteem, as they learn that they cannot be trusted to manage themselves. Avoid living vicariously through your children, and make sure your intentions are to help him find his true purpose in life.

Show your child how to relax. Deep breathing, visualizations, yoga, swaying and meditation, are all ways to deal with stress, and so focus better. Explain to your child how to concentrate in class, call on the teacher for help, and get guidelines for tests- this way much of the knowledge needed can be gained in the classroom.

What to avoid
• putting pressure on your child to get higher marks
• being overly critical
• making your child redo work over and over again
• comparing him to others, particularly a girl to a boy, or a boy to a girl
• being too controlling
• living vicariously through a child

What to do
• Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, visualizations, yoga, swaying and meditation
• encourage your child to concentrate in class
• teach your child to ask teachers for help
• make sure your child gets guidelines for tests and exams
• approach your child’s school notes with a positive attitude and cultivate this attitude in him
• allow your child to take control of his schedule, helping where necessary
• give praise where it is due ,without allowing the praise to turn into added pressure

Keeping your child motivated
‘Aw! Why do I have to study?’ moans a sixth grader. Few children are motivated to study. How do you turn this around? What can you do to inspire your child to enjoy studying? Children watch their parents all the time and your child will copy what you do. If you’re positive and enthusiastic and have a probing mind, your child is likely to be more curious and interested in studying. Watching you read or study will encourage them to do the same.

Research shows that the children of loving parents whose expectations are reasonable have higher self- esteem, and are more motivated when it comes to studying. In contrast, the children of parents who pay attention only when they do well tend to have lower self-esteem and less confidence in their own abilities.

We all enjoy being affirmed and praised for our achievements, and you should be generous in your praise. However, research by theorist William Damon from Stanford University shows that constant praise, especially when nothing has really been achieved, actually limits a child’s abilities. Instead, he says, we should ‘guide them towards worthwhile activities and goals that result in credible self esteem.’

Create opportunities for your child to learn from his mistakes, be persistent in the face of adversity, and accomplish things on his own. Imagine the sense of satisfaction he will feel when he takes control of his notes, and rearranges them to be easier to remember. Setting realistic goals and taking steps to achieve them will help motivate your child.
.
Children have vivid imaginations and can come up with fabulous ideas to help them remember study material. Inspire your child to think laterally as he tackles his notes. Your curiosity and interest in his subjects will stimulate intellectual thought and conversation- a much more enjoyable proposition than merely studying for tests.

We all know how infectious it can be to be around someone who is upbeat and who has a high self esteem. Teach your child the power of positive thinking. Believing in himself, defining who he is and what his abilities are will give him the confidence to overcome stress, especially when studying.

Get creative
Think outside the box. Engage your child in thinking of novel ways to remember his study notes.

• When talking with your child about his study notes, add in tidbits of interesting information from your readings and travels. Children love to hear stories, and if you can tell stories relevant to their study material, it will provide a hook to help jog his memory, for example, ‘Mom saw Tutankhamen’s sarcophagus in the British Museum…..’
• Explain how their notes are relevant to their daily lives, and how as we develop as a society we build on knowledge from the past. Ask ‘what if’ questions to stimulate thinking- for example, ‘What if Thomas Edison hadn’t been curious, and hadn’t kept experimenting to find answers? We may never have discovered electricity. Then there would be so many things we wouldn’t be able to do like……”Challenge your child to come up with uses for electricity.
• Teach your child to organise his study material, and tackle difficult information first. He doesn’t need to learn work he already knows.
• Children learn best from notes and diagrams transcribed in their own words and in age-appropriate language. If your child finds his study notes difficult to understand, encourage him to summarise it in his own words. Help him draw mind maps and spider diagrams.
• Take time to teach your child to read his notes critically. Scan the material to find the most important points. Pose questions and find the answers in the study notes. Write down important points. Being able to read and take notes effectively will be of immense help once your child goes to high school.
• One picture paints a thousand words, the saying goes. This is especially true when it comes to studying. Always look for a way to represent notes visually. Help your child turn his study notes into colourful pictures and diagrams. For example, if you are studying surface and subsurface water sources, let him draw a diagram showing where the water sources are. These diagrams or pictures can be simple stick figures which don’t take a long time to draw. Use colour to make it more memorable.
• Use different coloured cards on which to write important information, such as dates. Post the cards behind the toilet door, the car seat, or on the fridge, so that your child can see the information often. Make associations like, ‘Red is 1361BC when people began to settle along the Nile River.’
• Ask your child to teach you, a teddy, a pet, or other members of the family. To teach, he will need to understand the subject material. Let him use his notes initially, but as the week goes by, let them try without notes. Or as one mother found to her delight, her daughter had rediscovered the karaoke function on the family’s music system. ‘She’s been lecturing to a phantom audience all week,” the mother said.
• Invent silly rhymes, acronyms and mnemonics with your child to help him remember difficult dates and facts.
• If your child is musically inclined, he may even make up a rap song from his notes.
• If your child has good ball skills, let him pin the answers to questions to a wall, and throw tennis balls at the correct answer.
• Putting on a puppet show for the family can help your child commit information to memory.
• Film them as they make a documentary on their assignment. They can watch it later for further reinforcement.
• Drumming is often used these days to help children with learning difficulties. Beating out facts on a drum can make them easier to recall – drumming is relaxing and helps to stimulate the brain.
• If you can actually visit the place they are learning about, do the experiment, or see the artifact in a museum, your children will easily recall it later.
• Give your child strategies and tips on how to do well on tests: “Read the questions carefully, underlining key words. Look at the mark allocation. Always answer the question even if you have to make an educated guess.”
• Guide your child to watch programmes on TV or DVD, and read newspaper articles which show how their study notes are relevant to everyday life, and to reinforce the material they have studied.

For many of us parents studying evokes unpleasant memories, which we wouldn’t want our children to experience. Throw out those old methods that didn’t work for you, and strive to replace them with inspirational ideas that make the learning experience enjoyable and memorable for your children. It is possible to show them that the world provides so many amazing opportunities that they can be part of.

Note to parents: I specifically didn’t use the word ‘work’ when referring to the child’s school notes or study notes as studying should not be viewed as ‘work’ but rather as a means of finding answers to questions.

References:
The IQ Answer by Dr. Frank Lawliss
Child Development 5th Edition by Laura Berk

This article was first published in the book “Happy Years: A guide for paqrents’ by Abraham Kriel Childcare. The copyright remains with the author Claire Marketos.

Visit Claire Marketos’ website: http://www.inspiredparenting.co.za/

Breastfeeding Support – Why is it important?

Agree or Disagree

1. In the 1st month (early days), we know that the milk is not enough because the baby keeps crying and giving a “top up” bottle of formula after a breast feed is a safer option.

2. Formula milk has become so advanced that there is almost no difference between breast milk and formula milk.

3. There are few benefits breastfeeding a child older than 6 months and so solids must be the main source of the child’s nutrition.

4. Which of the following are examples of exclusive breastfeeding?
A. A baby receiving breast milk but sometimes gets some water to drink.
B. A baby drinking only breast milk but gets 1 bottle of formula only when mom goes out for a few hours.
C. A baby drinking only breast milk but sometimes uses a dummy.
D. A baby drinking only breast milk but is taking multivitamins and iron drops given by the paediatrician.
E. A baby who is wet-nursed while the mother is at work and then continues breastfeeding from his own mother.

5. I should exclusively breastfeed until my baby is 4 months old and then start a good quality formula milk to ensure better health.

6. I should exclusively breastfeed my baby for 4 months and then start a good rice cereal to ensure better health.

7. Majority of mothers experience difficulty breastfeeding in the early days.

8. It is useful to use the dummy sometimes, especially in the early days to give the new mother an opportunity to rest.

9. When a mother has to return to work, it is important to get the baby used to a bottle early as only 1 or 2 bottles of formula milk per day will not affect the breastfeeding or make the baby ill.

10. My breasts havn’t started leaking in my last month of pregnancy so I must keep a starter formula tin ready as Iwill not have enough milk.

11. It is important for the child to sleep alone in the cot most times as it is safer than sleeping with the baby.

12. “Nipple confusion” is a myth – that means it doesn’t really happen.

13. Allowing the baby to fall asleep at the breast is the most easy, efficient and stress free method of putting the baby to sleep.

Answers

ONLY 2 of the Agree/Disagree Questions 7 & 13) are TRUE.
MCQ Question 4 : D & E are TRUE.
The REST are FALSE.
Empower yourself with the correct information for yourselves, your daughters, your sisters or your friends!

Masjidul Quba (Northpine) Breastfeeding & Parenting Classes
Dr Shabana Kauchali-Taleb.
o Tel: 021 913 7024
o Cell: 082 711 5771
o shabana@online-gp.com
o www.online-gp.com

When?
o Once a month.
o Every 2nd Friday of the Month.
o Immediately after Asr Salah.

 

What is it about?

How much does it Cost?
FREE

Who should attend?
o Mothers.
o Fathers
o Their children.
o Pregnant women & their husbands.
o Grandmothers.
o Teenage Daughters AND Sons.
o Doctors (Accredited for CPD points).
o Nurses.
o Breastfeeding counsellors Etc.

Why have such an education Class?
o It is an Islamic Obligation (FARDH) for ALL males and FEMALES to be educated.
o Most mothers think they know how to feed their children correctly -few do, MOST don’t.
o As a result of “not knowing” about 1,5 MILLION children are dying worldwide because of inadequate breastfeeding.
o Topics on correct parenting particularly BREASTFEEDING are not taught to doctors and nurses at some medical schools.
o The time in a doctor’s room is not enough to explain all the facts.
o True Knowledge shouldn’t cost money – it should be FREE.
o Empowering our women to be well informed – to make an INFORMED DECISION. “Know the facts – make your choice”.

o NB// Highest rates of breastfeeding are seen in the White, Middle-Upper Income, Married Women because they are EDUCATED and have understood their roles as women in society.

• Where do I get my information from?

• Al-Quran
• Ahadith
  The Prophet Muhammad (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) once said,:
  o “Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother.”
  (Ahmad, Nasai).
  o A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle!
  Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The
  Prophet said, “Your mother.”
  The man said. “Who is next?”
  The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man further said,
  “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your father.”
  Narrated by Abu Huraira
• Holy Bible
• World Health Organisations
• Perinatal Education Programme
• Dr Jack Newman
• Dr Thomas Hale
• Many others
  o Unicef
  o IBFAN
  o INFACT Canada
  o La Leche League International
  o IBCLC
  o WABA
  o Dr Seers MD
• The Translation of Noble Qur’an –
  Chapter 2 (The Cow) Verse 233
  The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years,
  (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of
  suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the
  mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall
  have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, nor father on account of his child. And on the (father’s) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them. And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on reasonable basis. And fear Allah and know that Allah is All-Seer of what you do.

Shukran to Dr Taleb for providing us with her Powerpoint Presentation which is adapted in this post.

Have you done your homework?

How involved should parents be?

There’s a fine line between helping your children with their homework or school projects and actually doing it for them. Barbara Mowatt examined the topic.

Learners and parents alike often view school homework and projects with resignation, trepidation or loathing. The learners because it’s such a bind; parents because they feel that school work is something they thought they’d left behind when they left school.
How much assistance should parents give their school-going children to do their homework? And can helping too much be detrimental to the child’s progress?
‘It’s a bad idea for the parent to do the child’s work to avoid facing obstacles this can be extended to life in general. Parents should have the wisdom to know that by protecting the child in the short term, the long-term ramifications will be worse,’ says Cape Town-based psychologist Marc Kahn.
‘Every time the parent does the work for the child, the child is set up to fail. If the child passes [to the next grade] based on the work done by the parent, the next year he will face more obstacles, and he will be set up to fail in a bigger way. It is better to help the child over the obstacles.’
Making the child accountable for their daily homework and term assignments will teach them to be responsible to carry out tasks. They will be taught organisational skills and how to be independent, and they will also learn from their mistakes.
If the child ‘forgets’ to do the work or doesn’t put in the required effort, they will learn that there are consequences – such as getting low marks or even failing their grade.

Discipline
‘Parental discipline can cause huge conflict in some homes. Many parents hate it when they have to confront their child and impose structure and discipline,’ says Ros Emanuel, now retired from teaching English. ‘Too many parents are afraid to challenge their teenagers and would rather do the work for them than face the fact that they might fail.’
Exerting pressure can start a power struggle and pressure results in resistance. Consequently, it is necessary for both parent and child to be disciplined when it comes to homework.
‘Let the child “fail in a healthy way”,’ advises Kahn. ‘It’s important for parents to use their discretion.’
‘Children who have lots of encouragement at home are on a better wicket than those who don’t,’ says Margaret Fischer, high-school physical science teacher, who has 30 years’ experience at a number of schools in the Cape Peninsula.

How much input should the parent have?
‘That depends on the age of the child, her personality and abilities,’ says the mother of three daughters. ‘Help enough to get them started particularly with big assignments then leave them to work at it. You can check the work when they’ve finished and make suggestions for corrections, but they should largely be left to do it themselves.’ Therefore, the major part of the work should be the child’s effort, and the parent can be involved without actually doing the work.

School projects
‘Parent-assisted projects invariably earn pupils more marks,’ says Fischer. However, she continues, ‘Not enough teachers can discriminate between the work genuinely done by the learner and the input by the parent. Some of the most perceptive educators find it very difficult to pinpoint whether or how much parents have helped with homework. Therefore, some teachers only set projects to be done at school under the supervision of the teacher, not to be done at home.’
‘There’s no doubt that having a computer on which to do homework and
projects is an advantage for children. They will produce neater, better-looking work. Having access to the Internet for research is also a big advantage,’ adds Emanuel. However, it is not advisable to rely solely on Internet research because examiners are alert to the fact that many children use the Internet.
If you don’t have a home computer, make use of lending libraries. Encourage the child in the habit of reading and using books, which are better sources of information than simply picking information off the Internet.
Teachers have a good idea of the learners’ competence and they will know whether a child is capable of producing the work that they hand in. If it’s a ‘cut and paste’ job, the teacher will probably know, and the assignment will almost certainly be given a lower mark than one albeit with less information that has been properly researched by the child.

A good start in life
There are many ways for the parent to help the child to make schooling easier. If the child is familiar with the basic tools of language and calculations, problem-solving will not be the bogeyman it’s sometimes made out to be.
Encourage your children from preschool age to play games that entail counting to develop their cognitive skills. Board games such as Monopoly and card games such as rummy, patience and even poker can be played from a very early age.

Make routine activities, such as a trip in the car, an opportunity to play participative number and word games. These games will develop the child’s mathematics and language skills. Try word games such as I-spy to improve spelling and vocabulary, and counting games such as tallying the number of blue cars, green cars, etc. seen on the trip from home to the shops.

Build up the child’s general knowledge in an informal way show how maths is essential for activities such as knitting, baking, cooking, crafts and hobbies, even for working out how much money they’ll need for purchases.

Give the child taped children’s stories so that they can read the books while listening to the tapes.
Get the child to read aloud to you from books, newspapers and magazines. It will improve the child’s language proficiency and concentration.
Show an interest in what they are doing and share your own experiences with them.

Be involved every day
* Talk to your child about general topics and encourage them to converse with other adults.
* Attend parent-teacher meetings, and contact the school if you’re worried about your child’s performance.
* Watch (or videotape) the Learning Channel on TV, which reviews English, maths, physical science and biology. Because someone other than the teacher presents the subjects, learners will invariably get another perspective on the specifics of the topic.
* Encourage your child to work, from time to time, in a group with her peers. Having to explain things to each other will both clarify the thinking of the ‘teacher’, and the ‘learner’ will be more likely to query areas of uncertainty.
* Provide a specific place to work that is quiet, well lit and clear of clutter.

Assignments and homework
* Ask every day what homework your child has been given and discuss the work. Talk about the subject rather than giving direct information or telling the child what to do.
* Brainstorm ideas on the topic. This will develop her mental skills to assimilate facts.
* Take books and reference material from the library. Give guidance without actually doing the work.
* Minimise distractions. Turn off the TV and make sure that games and toys have been packed away when it’s time to settle down to do homework.
* Ensure she takes regular breaks while doing homework, before she becomes fatigued or stressed. This will refresh her concentration.
* Make sure she is not hungry while doing homework. This doesn’t mean snacking all the time while working. A hungry child will not be able to concentrate on the task at hand.
* Check that all your child’s homework has been completed.
* Pack her school bag the night before to avoid having things forgotten or left behind. This will prevent any crises in the morning,
* Set a bedtime and insist it’s adhered to.

Words by Words by Barbara Mowatt.

From January/February 2005 ClubCard Magazine
Clicks.co.za

ABC’S AND 123’S: EDUCATING MUSLIM CHILDREN IN THE WEST

by Sana Khan

Uncertainty: The Dilemma of Muslim Parents

Alphabets, numbers in Arabic, English and Urdu, colors, shapes, body parts etc. Is it wrong of me to think about schooling for my one year old daughter? Prior to getting married my significant other and I made it a point to discuss the topic of educating our future children as any young couple would. In hopes of sharing similar thoughts based on personal experiences we found ourselves hitting a dead end so to speak with regards to how we would want our children to be schooled. Now with our first toddler running around we find ourselves scrambling to teach her the best that we can. SubhanAllah, the blessings of Allah SWT are clear in the way our daughter imitates us, struggles to pronounce words, and gets into trouble to appease her curiosity. Children are sponges and their little hearts and minds soak in what they see, hear and experience. As a mother, the best thing about this whole learning phase is that I am the one honored with welcoming her into this world and teaching her whatever good I can about it. However, the worst thing about it is the constant state of worry my heart and mind will be in as she steps out of the safety of our home and experiences situations where she will have to put into practice all that I have taught her. That will be the ultimate judge of my upbringing and that thought alone has me fearful of her ever leaving my side.

This is the reality of many Muslim parents, both in Muslim and non Muslim countries. Children are raised in homes with or without parents and proper care from them. They go on to be contributing members of their societies and their contribution solely lies on their upbringing of which education is a major factor. In the west for many Muslim parents there is an on going debate between the various schooling options that parents have: public, private non Islamic, private Islamic and home schooling. Muslim children make up a great percentage of all of these schools and ultimately each comes out with a unique personality as a result of what they are taught.

A is for Allah: Education in Islam

“The educational philosophy of Islam is based on a simultaneous dual policy of “Ta’aleem” and “Tarbi’yaah”. The first one is the basic acquisition of knowledge and skills within a human mind and body, whereas the second one is the practical nurturing of the acquired knowledge and skills so as to nourish the personality of the individual. This in turn will lay down the foundation of grooming the person in order to mould the desired personality, according to the parameters of Quran and Sunnah. Thus we carve out an individual with his/her uniqueness in characteristics and features as a result of this dual policy,” shares Imam Jawad Ahmad, Islamic Studies teacher at Al Ghazaly Islamic High School in New Jersey and 877-Why-Islam Hotline Coordinator. For a Muslim the process of education comes full circle, it is a journey that begins and ends at home. This process factors in the time the child spends in an educational institution but does not solely leave it to said institution to fulfill all of his or her educational needs.

“When children are taught to think of home as their base of learning and the world as their classroom, they are motivated to learn year round, from a rich variety of sources. Instead of artificially separating subjects into different periods throughout the day, I wanted my children to get a truly interdisciplinary education, from real-life experiences. Children are all individuals, with their own unique styles of learning. The one- size- fits- all approach to schooling does not work for everyone. Alhumdolillah I realized that there are other options on educating our children today than there were ten years ago,” points out Mariam Junaid* mother of four children from which three are currently home schooled. I always knew that I would be the mother who played a key role in my child’s life; not necessarily an overbearing role but rather one where I can help her make the best decision for herself during important situations. So I began to think of home schooling my little one, but with no experience whatsoever and being both public schooled until college my husband and I stared blankly at one another in hope to see a ray of optimism in our current decision.

Public, Private and Home: Where Should One Start?

“True knowledge potential exists in the west due to overwhelming resources at our disposal, which can transform this knowledge into power for the individual such that it equips them with a vision that broadens their horizon and scope of activity in this world,” shares Imam Jawad. The key word here is: resources. The educational system in the west is overflowing with resources utilized in the classroom. These resources however are not limited to the actual learning environment. Instead, the World Wide Web has become a stepping stone for teachers, students and parents to tap into the wide array of tools that exist online. Muslim parents are raising their children in a society that provides educational toys for infants up until they are adults, along with the availability of utilizing technological devices at home such as computers and phones as key learning tools. But the question remains, with all these opportunities to learn at one’s finger tips what option is the best?

As a nervous parent hoping for the best for her child my search for providing a proper education had me discussing this concern with various parents, teachers and educational leaders within community. This dialogue led to the various possibilities that await both my daughter and I when we take our first steps towards actualizing our vision of education. “Before we ever embark upon any journey, we know that it is not going to be without challenges. While there are going to be unique challenges that every family will go through, some of the most common challenges include a lot of dedication, patience and time from my end. But I must say the results are beautiful and worthless Alhumdolillah,” states Mariam Junaid. Dedication, patience and time, are some of the most important factors in not only raising children but also educating them. It is with certainty for parents, whose children are attending the various types of educational institutions, that their role in the education process is key in producing the fruits of their child’s labor. Along with this positive reinforcement, awareness of their child’s needs and passion, as well as the difficulties in expression or subjects are all areas that require none other than parental involvement.

In my search for the best institution there was one flaw that I failed to recognize prior to embarking on this difficult task: each and every individual will support their avenue of education despite the positives and negatives for in the end it was that institution which shaped their personality. So at the end of the day, as I sit and watch my daughter read a book out loud to herself and be the only one to understand her gibberish, it was ultimately the decision of my husband and myself to sift through what we learn from this dialogue and make constant dua that our child be guided towards what is good.

Home Schooling: A New Road for Parents

“The society that we live in unfortunately gives us the impression that every thing has to be institutionalized and we are forced not to look beyond these boundaries set for us in the society we live in,” highlights Mariam. Home schooling is an up and rising trend amongst many parents in the west, both Muslim and non Muslim. The factors that lead to such a decision are the violent crimes in public schools, acceptance of immoral behavior in public school (clothing, language and gender interaction), and financial disability in enrolling in a private school. Such factors add to the increase in mothers putting their careers on hold to raise their children in the safety of their homes. But many argue that doing so can be detrimental to the upbringing of the child.

Having my daughter home with me would be the ideal situation, but would that mean I would be taking away from her complete learning experience? As a mother who was blessed to be brought up with an education that possessed unlimited resources I did not want to restrict my child from doing the same.

“Home schooling provides a highly enriching environment for brain development because of custom tailored curricula/syllabi for individual student. As well as full growth potential for the child, basically the sky is the limit! However, this may serve as a lack of socializing environment for the child, which can lead to an eccentric introvert personality unless proper measures taken,” advises Imam Jawad. Socializing is a recurring point in the arguments made against home schooling. The educational resources without a doubt are readily available in bookstores, online, libraries and home schooling networks, but what does one do about interaction?

“We want our children to be thinkers rather than mere parrots of other children’s thoughts. The more independent and self-directed they are going to be in their values and skills; they will largely avoid peer dependency. As a researcher (Holt) pointed out, human beings tend to behave worse in large groups. As a result, children in school learn to be cliquish, conformist, bullying and teasing. Human virtues like kindness, patience, and generosity are best learned in intimate relationships, such as those within the family.

My children have a full social life without school. They joined activities such as soccer, baseball, tennis and countless other group activities and one prevailing above all these is memorizing Qur’ān,” shares Mariam. This point alone made me think about the Muslim youth of today. Would there exist an identity crisis if they were able to grow up without the influences of another child’s thought?

Public vs. Private School: Not an Easy Choice

As Muslim Americans are increasing in numbers so too are the masajid and full time Islamic schools that become their first project. Young Muslim professionals who are having tremendous difficulty in finding jobs often accept teaching positions in Islamic Schools as an alternative until they get a break in the professional world. As a result many schools are steering away from the normal housewife teacher and more towards individuals who can relate to the issues of children being raised in this society.

“Islamic schools provide a healthy environment, are conducive to nurturing kids in Islamic moral values, and provide an enrichment of young minds. Unfortunately, many have very high tuition rates therefore making it unaffordable for many and more importantly sub-standard teaching at times due to lack of resources,” share Imam Jawad. Sadly, this is the case for a majority of Islamic schools in the west. With many making their own way towards this uphill struggle of providing the best, the price tag the comes with it becomes burdensome for most. Islamic schools must factor in each and every expense unless certified to receive government grants. Since many are not or do not know how to become certified they in turn have to charge the community through endless fundraisings and the parents through increased tuition in order to stay afloat. Furthermore, resources besides what is online become limited and outdated which limits the potential growth of students unless parents are making the extra effort at home.

Nevertheless, a fulltime Islamic school serves as an institution to instill within the child morals and values that public school simply are not allowed to. Many parents breathe a sigh of relief knowing that their child is being taught about Islam along with other subjects and teachings. However, do parents have to give up their opportunity to raise their child free of cost and with unlimited resources merely on the fear that they will be unable to maintain their child’s Islamic identity if enrolled in a public school?

“Public school provides the aptitude for enhancement of personal skills provided the child circumvents the liabilities of environment,” highlights Imam Jawad. The reminder here is to steer clear of the liabilities of this schooling environment. This thought alone brings many valid fears in the hearts of Muslim parents. With the disorganization seen in some Islamic Schools and the often times unaffordable tuition rates many Muslim parents are hoping to appease their hearts by sending their child to public schools and enrolling them in weekend Islamic schools in order to maintain a balance.

I think of my daughter’s future all the time, in what foods she eats for maintaining her health, in what she wears in ensuring her safety from sicknesses, and in what she learns in hopes of her becoming an empowered Muslimah. As in all walks of life, the decisions of grave importance provide no clear cut answer and require much thought and prayer to be guided towards what is the best for us. There is the recurring thought that the education does begin and end in the home. Furthermore, parents must play an active role in ensuring their child is given his and her right to a proper upbringing. Not only that, but also to provide their child with the best resources one can afford in order to produce well rounded individuals who in turn can be positive members of society. In hopes of raising leaders, parents are advised to interact with their children on a daily basis to understand the desires of their child and to encourage them towards good. Every day is a day to learn something new so let’s get to it.

*In order to maintain the privacy of the sister interview her name has been changed*

http://www.icna.org/family/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=151&Itemid=4

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