Our children in Ramadaan

From Darul Ihsan

Generally speaking, children are not required to fast Ramadan until they reach the “age of maturity.” However, scholars believe that parents should train them to fast a few days or so, until they become ready to fast when they reach that age. Similar to praying, the Prophet ordered parents to train their children to pray starting with the age of seven. The question remains, how does training to fast begin? Dr. Abala Khlaiwi from the faculty of Islamic Studies at Al-Azhar University was posed this question. The reply was that children should be trained to fast gradually. They differ in their realization of the environment around them, especially parents avoiding eating or drinking due to the fact that they are fasting. If children begin to realize that, becoming aware of the advent of Ramadan, and start to ask questions, parents should answer their questions and tell them about the holy month. For example, they ask them to fast an hour or two, saying that Allah will reward you for one hour. The parents explain to the child that Allah will reward them more for each hour they fast. Then they should be asked to fast for a day and so on, according to Dr. Khlaiwi.
Simultaneously, youngsters should be asked to give or share their candy with orphan neighbors, because this teaches them how fortunate they are to have their parents around. It also teaches them that they live in an environment where they all should take care of each other’s needs. Ultimately, it teaches them to be conscious of Allah, and the feeling of community. These values usually are imprinted in the minds and hearts of children and remain with them throughout their lives.
Dr. Khlaiwi recalls when she was 6 years old, she fasted a whole day and felt so happy, so accomplished. She was proud of herself and her religion. Another important aspect of Ramadan and other Islamic rituals is that parents should involve their children and ask for their participation. Thus, children are to take part in the rituals parents are performing. When the father goes to the mosque, he should take his children with him and not leave them to waste their time watching TV and other friutless activities. If the mother prays, she also should ask her little one to stand beside her so she gets to know the prayers.
It’s also recommended that parents take their children to break the fast with handicapped children, as well as orphans. Again, it teaches them to feel how fortunate they are and to be sympathetic and understanding to the needs of others, especially handicapped members of the community.
Children should also be involved in making the Ramadan dishes so they taste the joy of Ramadan. Toward the end of the month, parents should take their children to spend Eid time with their relatives in their hometowns.

Source: everymuslim

Bittersweet: A Spiritual Perspective on Special Needs Parenting

by Abez
MuslimMatters.org

I’ve tried several times to begin this article and this is my third attempt. I’m supposed to be writing about special needs parenting from an Islamic/Muslim/Spiritual point of view, and the challenge is finding a balance between the bitter and the sweet. I have had some experience, my son Khalid was born with autism, a neurological disorder with complex genetic causes and no known cure. He woke up crying every two hours from the day he was born until he was almost three. He learned how to talk just last year and he occasionally still freaks out if you laugh too loudly in his vicinity. He used to bang his head against windows and walls and cry until he threw up. He’s made wonderful progress, Alhamdulillah, but at the end of the day, he still has autism, and we still have our daily challenges.

It’s hard to understand autism from the outside, and to be fair, no two people are affected in the same way. On the severe end of the scale, there’s our friend Dan, who does not talk, cannot walk properly and was in diapers until 13. His parents put him in leather gloves to prevent him from biting his hands to the bone when he is frustrated. On the other end of the spectrum is our friend Zaina, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a form of autism that Hollywood likes – she’s extremely intelligent, is physically normal, but so socially impaired that she barely talks, cannot make eye contact, and cannot even begin to understand the complexities of interacting with other people. My son Khalid is somewhere in the middle. He has his funny quirks, but he can pass for physically normal unless he’s spinning in circles or flapping his hands. He’s no genius, and his mental age may be behind his physical age, but he’s slowly learned his ABC’s and even attempts to play with other children.Alhamdulillah, his autism is moderate.

In the two years since his diagnosis, I’ve learned more about patience and trust in Allah than I had in my entire life before that, and having a child with autism has been a blessing that I cannot imagine living without. I’m sure there’s more to learn still, but I know that once upon a time, I thought waiting for an hour was a long wait. Until a few months ago, putting Khalid to bed took an average of an hour and a half every night – sometimes less, often more. I would sit next to him, or lie down next to him, and wait for the screaming, bouncing, kicking, pinching and crying to fade into silence. And I had to sit quietly, and not move or talk, and do my best to imitate some sort of maternal rock as the storm of Khalid battered against it.

I didn’t do a very good job at first, I would yell at him to lay down, and he would become scared and cry. So I would yell more, and he would scream, and I would yell more, and it would escalate until he would be shaking with fear and I with rage and at some point it occurred to me that my own son was genuinely terrified and couldn’t understand why he was being yelled out. And then, Allah gave me sabr, and then a diagnosis, and then the understanding that Khalid wasn’t disobeying, he just had no idea what was going on.
Even today, when Khalid is having a weird night and half an hour turns into an hour and a half, I just sit in the dark and do dhikr, or plan the next day, or think, and if he’s still not tired after about two hours, we just get up and go play for a bit. I’ll have a glass of water and maybe even a cookie. Khalid will get on the computer (yes, he uses the computer) and play games for as long as is takes for him to start looking tired, after which we’ll go back to bed again. And I’ll sit next to him in the dark, and he’ll roll around and count his toes, or sing quietly to himself, and occasionally he’ll sit up to make sure I’m still there, but eventually he will doze off and I can finally get to bed, sometimes three or four hours after we “went to bed.” And before you accuse me of being exceptional, Aal’s mother spends three hours just feeding him, three times a day. And he still hits himself.

Yes, I have a lot of stories. We autism moms tend to gravitate towards one another, not because we have a manifesto or a secret handshake, but because at the end of the day when your child took off their dirty diaper in the mall and got lost in the parking lot and wouldn’t eat their lunch because some of the carrots were too orange, no one else will understand you except for another autism mom.
Another mother, Noura, called me a few weeks ago, and she had that quiver in her voice that we all get from time to time when we need to break down a bit so that we can put ourselves back together. She had been trying to get her daughter into a school, and no school would take her. She had been trying to get her daughter into a swimming class, but when she went for her first trial, the instructor refused to accept a child with “such behaviors.” Noura had been running desperately from one place to another to get her daughter accepted into social and educational programs of any sort, because her daughter will be turning eight and has never been to school. She told me these things crying over the phone, frustrated and burnt out and just needing to hear something to keep her going. “I just don’t know,” she kept saying, “I don’t know what else I can do.”

I didn’t know what else she could do either, except for what I do, which is to ask Allah for help. We have been told that a child’s Jannah is beneath his or her mother’s feet, but in some cases, a mother’s Jannah may be beneath the feet of her special needs child. And perhaps the father’s too, Allahu Aalim. The tables get turned on both parents, and those who were relying on their grown children for care in their old age are instead preparing to care for grown children who cannot feed, bathe, or even clothe themselves. Instead of looking forward to retirement, parents dread the time when they can no longer earn an income to support their children.
If you want to see an adult cry, ask a father or mother what will happen to their special needs daughter or son after they die. If you could see inside of their head, you would see an exploding matrix of questions, fears, worries, and desperate plans. You would re-read every news story you’ve ever read of neglect or abuse, or even rape, of special needs adults by paid caretakers who take advantage of individuals who do not know how to defend themselves or even speak. You would hear the point and counterpoint of a mind divided between wanting more children who could potentially care for the child, versus not wanting to risk having another child with the same genetically linked condition. You would see mental excel sheets tallying savings and money spent on current treatments versus saved for future life-long care, and money not saved for the education of the other children, and you would see a lot of figures in red. Special needs parenting is expensive. And scary. But here’s something unexpected – it’s also beautiful, and humbling, and when undertaken with trust in Allah and faith in His decisions, it is the catalyst for spiritual evolution.

Recognizing that our special-needs children are a trial as well as an opportunity to earn blessings, we are able to change the stories we tell ourselves. When we look at our children, and Shaitaan whispers “Why you? Why your child? How could God do this to you? It’s not fair,” we can bravely answer back. Allah chose me for this because He knew I could handle it, and He never gives anyone more than they can bear. I am not Khalid’s Rabb, Allah is, and when I die, He will look after Khalid with a love seventy times greater than my own. I can only save so much money and teach his sister to look out for him only so much. Khalid’s care is with Allah. His rizq is with his Lord. And he may never learn how to work and he may never get married or hold a job, and he may die alone, or he may die before I do, but he will be raised as an innocent – one who will be exempt from the fear of judgment because he never knew what sin was. If he never had a job, then he will never be asked about his wealth. If he never speaks, he will not be asked about lying. And these things are terrifying for me to think of, to type even, but I know that Allah has given my son autism for a reason, and all of Allah’s reasons are good reasons.

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him.
Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware.‘”

[Reported by al-Tabarani]

Sometimes, when I look at Khalid I wonder what life would be like if he were ‘normal.’ He has the most enormous, beautiful brown eyes. He skin is a light olive, he has silky dark hair and a smile that could melt the polar ice caps. Perhaps normalcy would be too dangerous for Khalid. Or maybe he would be fine, maybe the autism is for me. I know with absolute certainty that if my son did not have autism, I would not have been a dedicated parent and a desperate Muslim. If I had not been pushed through fear for his future and hardship through the present, I would never have understood what it really meant to pray. My trust in Allah and acknowledgement of his Rububiyya (Lordship) would never have moved beyond the superficial. Can you dread for your child’s future without losing hope in Allah’s mercy? Is your taqwa greater than your fear?
It has taken me some time, but I can finally thank Allah for Khalid’s autism. It may save him from accountability , and it has definitely saved me from living in the unreal world – one where I care more about my child’s postgraduate degree than his iman. And while I have an entire lifetime of challenges to look forward to, I am keeping faith that Allah intends nothing but good for Khalid and I. If that means waiting until the resurrection to see my son as a normal young man, then so be it. Khalid and I will meet again at Al-Kauthar, and sit in Jannahwith an eternity of ease to make up for one small lifetime of hardship.

May Allah have mercy on all Muslims, and ease whatever difficulties they are facing, and strengthen their imanand increase them in sabr, and reunite them with their loved ones in the company of the righteous. Ameen.

http://muslimmatters.org/2010/07/21/bittersweet-a-spiritual-perspective-on-special-needs-parenting/

15 Tips to Raising Great Children – Jamiatul Ulama KZN

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.

With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.

It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.

However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah (swt) and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).

Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values.

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say ‘this is haraam, that is haraam’. While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

 

http://www.jamiat.org.za/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=358:15-tips-to-raising-great-children&catid=48:parenting&Itemid=84

The Family Way: Ten Tips For Expecting Muslims

Source: MuslimMatters.org
Posted by Sadaf Farooqi • May 17th, 2010

بسم اللّٰہ الرحمٰن الرحیم

The exciting news has barely seeped in that the overjoyed Muslim couple starts planning and preparing for the imminent arrival of its new bundle of joy. Although the level of nervousness, excitement and anticipation does depend greatly on whether it is a first-time pregnancy, or a subsequent one that will add to an existing brood, nevertheless, no one can help but enthusiastically look forward to a fresh new stint on the parenting journey.

Time immemorial has seen women give birth successfully. Each human being we behold is proof of the fact that some day, many years ago, a pregnant mother carried and bore that individual during several stages of difficulty and innate weakness.
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain, and his utter dependence on her lasted two years: (hear the command, O man!), “Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (your final) Return.” [31:14]
Yet, when a woman embarks on this journey, even if it is not her first time at it, she becomes overwhelmed by a myriad of diverse, and sometimes conflicting, emotions – euphoria, anxiety, hope, despair, joy, fear, excitement, foreboding, and uncertainty, to name just a few.
For Muslims, this new development (pun intended) calls for higher levels of taqwa (consciousness of Allah), and complete, unswerving tawakkul (trust in Him). As I have been on this journey a couple of times, and having experienced answering the questions of many sisters who have turned to me for counsel when they were in the family way, I have decided to share today some tips for the expectant Muslim parent, for the future benefit of those who are already on the way to becoming parents, or hope to some day:

You are not the only one scared by this
If you find yourself imagining how difficult it will be to give birth to and care for a baby, rest assured that every woman feels that way when she becomes pregnant. No one was born to be “the perfect mother”; in fact, the so-called ‘perfect mother’ doesn’t exist. Every mother who has ever lived, made mistakes and learned from them. Most had really bad days during any of their pregnancy trimesters, when nausea and bodily aches made them cry; when their feet swelled up in the 9th month and standing or walking became a nightmare; when they said the most obnoxious things during a mood swing, or when they thought they’d just never be able to pull through any of the difficult stages. You are not alone!

Seek forgiveness
Expectant mothers feel guilty about complaining of pain, fatigue and weakness; of grumbling about lack of strength; of being deprived of the enjoyment of previously pursued hobbies and pastimes, and for feeling scared and overwhelmed about the future. They feel guilty because inside, they know that in actuality, they are being blessed by Allah, by being given a baby through a safely progressing pregnancy. They know that scores of women who are not able to conceive would give an arm or leg to be in their position – yet they cannot prevent themselves at times from feeling hopeless, lonely, tearful and utterly miserable.
Know that your body is undergoing the biggest change possible – such a change involves emotional and physical upheavals; lots of crying, worrying and whining. However, there is one very effective way to release the corresponding guilt: repentance on a daily basis. It wipes out whatever bad you do. Remember to continue with this beneficial procedure during pregnancy. Recite the masnoon istighfar at least a hundred times a day. It takes only a few minutes.

Thank Allah
Being blessed with a child is indeed something we should be grateful for. Remind yourself that you are blessed; that to know that you are fertile is a very positive, morale-boosting feeling for a woman. Remind yourself that the mortification felt by countless women, who are unable to conceive after being married for several years, is much more psychologically and emotionally, trying than a few months of pain, weakness and fatigue.
Even if your pregnancy is “unplanned” or “unwanted” – force yourself to thank Allah for this blessing, because a pious child is one of the greatest means of benefit and reward after a Muslim leaves this world. Look at the bigger picture and console yoursef by thinking, for example, “In a few years, I will not even think about this pain and weakness, insha’Allah, but will be enjoying the company of a beautiful child!” Also, remember that pious offspring is one of the major sources of continuous rewards for a Muslim even after death.

Do your homework/gain knowledge
Gain knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth; not just on its Islamic rulings and jurisprudence, but also medical know-how about what is going on inside your body. Reading on the Internet is a very efficient way to find out the basics, as long as you are wise enough to differentiate between the facts and myths.

Introduce the Quran to your baby
When the fetus is fully formed, just after the first three months of pregnancy are up, it can hear sounds from outside the mother’s body. While your baby is inside you, it primarily identifies and gets accustomed to your voice. It is at this point that healthcare providers advise the expectant parents to start talking to their baby as if it was right there in front of them. The baby quickly identifies the voices of people it hears the most, especially its mother.
Capitalize on this one-on-one, exclusive bond with your unborn baby, which will be gone once the pregnancy is over. Recite the Quran (if you can, without rushing through it) every single day until the delivery date, once your fourth month of pregnancy has begun and your baby will be listening to each and every word you utter. When a mother speaks, the sound waves of her voice travel to the baby, so imagine how great the effect of melodious, soothing Quran recitation would be on the fetus! Divide your recitation so that the baby hears the whole Quran in your voice before you deliver.
In addition, recite the du’a that the mother of Maryam Bint `Imran did when she was expecting her baby:
إِذْ قَالَتِ امْرَأَةُ عِمْرَانَ رَبِّ إِنِّي نَذَرْتُ لَكَ مَا فِي بَطْنِي مُحَرَّرًا فَتَقَبَّلْ مِنِّي إِنَّكَ أَنتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ
“Behold! a woman of ‘Imran said: ‘O my Lord! I do dedicate unto You what is in my womb for Your special service: So accept this of me: For You hear and know all things.‘” [3:35]
With this du’a, you can renew your intention every day that this baby would be a pious servant of Allah who would devote his or her life to striving in Allah’s cause. You will see the amazing results of thus dedicating your child to Allah during pregnancy, once your baby is safely delivered and starts to grow. The child will show an innate affinity towards the Quran and other forms of worship from very early on in infancy,insha’Allah!

Be patient
Prophet Muhammad [صلى الله عليه و سلم] said that, “….the woman who dies during pregnancy is a martyr.”
[Narrated by Ahmad (23804), Abu Dawood (3111) and Al-Nasaa'i (1846)].
This inevitably means that whilst she is pregnant, she is akin to a warrior or worker in Allah’s path. Imagine! You are bringing a life into this world…but not just one life. Your offpsring is the continuation of a lineage – a predecesssor to many more generations, insha’Allah.
The difficulty that you are going through is written for you because of the magnanimity of the work being taken from you – the greatness of the responsibility of bringing a life, or rather a continuation of existing life, into this world! No wonder you are stricken with fears, emotional turmoil, mood swings, lack of sleep, physical fatigue, bloating and in the latter stages, debilitating immobility.
To be patient means to try not to say unpleasant and negative things; not to snap at and make life miserable for others, and to persevere in worship and obedience to Allah as usual, despite the difficulty.

Seek advice
The importance of sisterly moral support and consultation cannot be underestimated. It makes an expectant mother feel much better to hear the past pregnancy experiences of friends and relatives. However, when talking to other women and seeking their advice, it is very important not to undermine your own uniqueness. Allah created the one-of-a-kind you, and that means that not everything that works for someone else might work equally well for you.
Also, the same woman experiences different pregnancies with each baby. If you had severity of nausea and vomiting with your first baby, its possible that, with your second, equally severe backache and edema will pose the biggest challenge. Know that every mother uses a trial-and-error method to get through the rigors of pregnancy, and you should also do that.

Follow your intuition
Allah guides His pious slaves by inspiring them to do something – He might place an idea or thought in your head, make you chance upon an article, book, or a phone conversation with someone that will become the means to finding the right solution to your problem. Whilst it is always wise to take the advice of elders and women who have “been there, done that,” you must trust and follow your own gut feeling, or intuition. A woman is programmed a certain way, and she should do what she herself thinks is right for herself and her unborn baby.

Do not be overtly apologetic
Likewise, if you choose not to follow someone else’s advice about your pregnancy, you do not have to feel guilty about it or apologize to them profusely. You have the right to choose to do what you think is best for you and your baby. And that includes choosing the appropriate obstetrician, birth plan, and mode of birth (home birth, water birth, etc.).

Allow room for mistakes
Last but not the least, remember that making mistakes is normal and perfectly acceptable. If you do something wrong, just rectify your stance and learn from the “Oops, I did it again!” experience. All mothers make mistakes; that is how they get good at what they do. Allah will forgive you for those mistakes, as long as you keep turning to Him in sincere repentance (as mentioned in point number two above) and are conscious of Him whenever you make a decision regarding yourself and your (unborn or born) baby. There is no right way or wrong way of nurturing a baby and what works for each mother-child pair is unique.
Your baby’s birth will, insha’Allah, signal the end of most of your physical troubles, but it will commence the next stage of your jihad – nursing and caring for your baby around the clock. With each passing day, each passing hour, you’ll learn the ropes and Allah will make it easier. Each succeeding baby is, likewise, easier to care for than the last one, as you have been there, done that, until the day comes when you can literally nurse and change a diaper whilst half asleep, without even turning on the light!

Encouraging Children to Pray

Practical Tips on Getting Your Little Loved Ones to Make and Enjoy Salah

By Maysoon Zaza

In a hadeeth narrated by Abdullah ibn Qart the Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
“The first act that the servant of Allah will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be salah. If it is good, then the rest of his acts will be good. And if it is evil, then the rest of his acts will be evil.” (Tabarani)

Furthermore, salah was the first act of worship that was made obligatory by Allah. Therefore, due to its extreme importance to the Believer, salah should be one of the first acts of worship that parents should teach their children.

When discussing teaching children how to make salah parents typically ask when is it necessary to begin teaching their children. Let us be realistic; learning how to make salah is not easy for children or in some cases adults. It can take a lot of work to master even the simplest elements of salah. The learner must memorize the various du’aa and Surah’s of the Qur’an- not to mention the other required portions of the salah. Furthermore, there must be work on proper pronunciation and rules on how, when, and what makes salah valid. This is not an overnight process but rather one that takes times. Therefore, this leaves us with the question-when should children learn how to make salah?

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As, narrated that the Apostle of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “Command your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.” (Abu Dawud). This does not mean that parents can only start teaching their children how to perform it when they reach the age of seven. Rather, informal instruction should start when a child starts to show an interest in salah, which usually occurs around the age of two. It is only human nature that children love to imitate their parents. In fact, this is one method that Allah has provided us for teaching our youth.

Therefore, it is important for parents of small children to let them “pretend” to make the salah along side of the parents. The benefits for this are twofold. First, it teaches children that it is necessary to make salah everyday five times a day. And second, it helps children learn the physical movements of the salah. It really is amazing how fast a two-year-old will learn the phrase Allahu-Akbar when he performs salah along side of his parents!

The next step is to teach your child al-Fatihah. This should begin around the age of three or four. When teaching children Surah’s or any other portions of the salah that must be memorized; it is important to remember to break down the instructions by using a reasonable number of verses or small segments. In other words, teaching a child how to perform the salah should be done progressively in small steps. It is important to practice reciting the previously learned material consistently everyday along with any new material. These practice sessions should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age, length of practice is not as important as consistency. Also, it is important to note that not everyday will your child be ready to learn new material. Work on mastery of material not quantity. The other question many parents ask is whether or not to teach Surah’s using Tajweed. Actually, many parents find it helpful to combine the two. Children have an amazing ability to remember songs in commercials or various children’s song. For many children, the act of singing actually makes it easier to memorize. However, at this age it is important not to focus on the rules of recitation but rather on the content.

While the presence of a teacher or parent teaching children the proper method of making salah can not be underestimated, many parents find supplemental materials helpful in teaching their children how to make salah. Every year new educational products are being introduced into the Muslim market. Today, Muslim parents have available coloring books, storybooks, developmentally appropriate teaching videotapes, audio tapes, and computer programs to enhance the learning process. Generally children learn new tasks best if teaching material is presented in a variety of formats. The use of such material will only help increase the speed and amount of learning for your child not to mention that it will make the experience more enjoyable.

Lastly, one of the most important aspects of successful teaching is praise and encouragement. Remember that children like to please their parents. Also, it is really important that parents praise and celebrate their children’s accomplishments. This is especially true for learning how to make salah. After the mastery of a section, children typically feel a strong sense of achievement. Praise motivates the child to continue to learn and accomplish new goals.

First published in Al-Jumuah magazine.

Source: Zawaj.com

Moulana Moosa Olgar: Pregnancy

Pregnancy
by Moulana Moosa ibn Ahmad Olgar, extract: Upbringing of Children

After some time has elapsed, the couple desire that Allah Taa’la bless them with a child and thus through marital consummation Allah Taa’la grants their wish. The first stage that follows is that of pregnancy. A person should not be ashamed of being pregnant or treat it as a big burden, as there are many beautiful virtues and rewards for being pregnant.
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr.”
It is mentioned in another Hadith that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Does it not please you (O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in ibaadat. When her labour pains commence the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk, and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them.”
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “A woman from her pregnancy till the time of weaning her child is like one protecting the boundaries of the Islamic state. If she passes away during this period she attains the reward of martyrdom.”
In another Hadith it is mentioned that, “The woman who dies of labour pains is regarded as a martyr (shaheedah).”
A woman should therefore gladly bear these difficulties patiently and calmly as she will be highly rewarded.
Hazrat Mail bin Yasaar (radiyallahu anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Marry such women who are loving and produce children (in abundance) because (on the day of Qiyaamah) I will vie with other Ummats and be proud of your numbers.”
In another Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Even the miscarried foetus will drag its mother towards Jannat if she exercised patience with the hope of acquiring reward.”
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “When the woman breast feeds then on every gulp of milk the child receives, the reward is as though she has granted life to a being and when she weans her child, then the angels pat her on her back saying: CONGRATULATIONS! all your past sins have been forgiven, now start all over again.”
[By sins is intended the minor sins, this is also a great reward.]

DAYS OF PREGNANCY
During this time, great care and precautions should be adopted. During this stage, any physical weaknesses affect the growth of the child. In the early days of pregnancy, constipation should be avoided as there is a fear of miscarriage. Constipation is a fairly common complaint during pregnancy. Stimulant laxatives should be avoided in pregnancy and while breast-feeding. Similarly diarrhoea should be avoided as this can make her weak and at times can result in a miscarriage.
During this period nausea, vomiting and discomposure is experienced. This induces a desire for sour and salty foods. Some women have a sudden craving for black soil and soap etc. Caution should be taken that no such items are consumed which are detrimental to the health. Also extremely bitter and spicy foods should be avoided. During pregnancy simple foods should be eaten that assist in digestion.
If during the days of pregnancy any sickness befalls you, then immediate treatment should be given and the doctor should be told of your pregnancy. One should not feel ashamed of being pregnant. Those women who have their first pregnancy are ashamed to tell their in-laws and relatives and as a result they suffer.
The pregnant woman should remember that giving birth to a normal child does not lead to so much of weakness as in the case of a miscarriage. Therefore if one has a miscarriage, full precautions should be taken or else this weakness will affect her for the rest of her life.
During the early days of pregnancy, very heavy things should not be carried or lifted. Likewise jumping from a high place, hopping, running or any form of physical (pain) strain should be prevented as this may cause excessive bleeding or even a miscarriage.
The Islamic education of the child starts when the child is still in the womb of the mother. This is through the thoughts that she carries in those days, by the feelings that she has, by the kind of books that she reads, by the kind of company that she keeps and by the kind of things that she hears.
During pregnancy frightening pictures of deformed children or animals should not be seen. One should look at beautiful children, flowers and should smell beautiful fragrances.
Also during pregnancy reading evil books, having evil thoughts, bad intentions, practising of bad habits and doing sinful works should be avoided or else there is a fear that these evils may effect the unborn child later on. All these have an effect on the unborn child because the mother’s nervous system is affecting all the systems of the baby. Although the baby has its own independent systems, remember it is the mother’s womb that is carrying the baby and that the baby is being affected by whatever she is thinking, feeling, reading and listening to. It is better and advisable for the mother to keep good company, to read good books (the Quraan Shareef should be read in abundance) and to be at such places where she hears the words of Allah and about our DEEN. It is important to have good feelings, good thoughts and not to carry grudges, have fear of something or be unduly worried about something. One should always remain calm and happy and should not be allowed to be over concerned and allow oneself to be overtaken by grief. The thoughts that you generate within yourself will influence the kind of disposition the child will have. If you are sad and miserable the child will be equally affected. So remember the environment prior to the child’s birth is as important as the environment he is born into.

WHAT TO READ DURING PREGNANCY
During the days of pregnancy, duas for the protection from calamities should be read in abundance. Also the performance of Salaat regularly is a protection from calamities. The following duas and surahs should be read in abundance during pregnancy:
A’oodhu bikalimmatillaahit taammmaati min sharri maa khalaqa
I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from the evil of that which He has created.
Hasbunallaahu wa ni’imal wakeel
Allah suffices us and He is the best guardian
Inniy u’eedhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatahaa minas shaytaanir rajeem
And I command her and her offspring to Thy protection, from the evil one, the rejected.
Aayatul Kursi, surah Yaseen, surah Maryam, surah Yusuf and surah Muhammad
Also it is mentioned that Hazrat Fatima (radiyallahu anha) reports that when it was time for her to deliver her child, “Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) sent Umme Salma (radiyallahu anha) and Hazrat Zainab (radiyallahu anha) to me with the instruction that they read Aayatul Kursi, surah Al-Falaq and An-naas and the following verse for easy delivery:
Inna rabbakumullaahul ladhiy khalaqas samaawaati wal ardha fiy sittati ayyaamin thumma-stawaa alal arsh, yughshiyl llaylan nahaara wa yatlubuhoo hatheethan was shamsa wal qamara wan nujooma musakh-kharaatim bi amrihi. Alaa lahul khalqu wal amru, tabaaraka llaahu rabbul aalameen. Ud’oo rabbakum tadharru’an wa khufyatan, innahoo laa yuhibbul mu’tadeen.” Surah Al-A’raf (7:54,55)
If a woman has difficulty during childbirth, the following should be written on paper, wrapped in a piece of white cloth and tied around her left thigh. Insha-Allah it will ease the birth.
Also Aayatul Kursi and the two Ayats from surah Al-A’raf (7: 54,55) are to be recited near the woman in throes of birth. Surah Al-Falaq and An-Naas are also to be read and thereafter blown on her.

CERTAIN BEAUTIFUL NAMES OF ALLAH TO BE READ BEFORE AND DURING PREGNANCY
Yaa waahidul ahad, The ONE Un-Equalled
Anyone desiring good and pious children should inscribe this ism on paper, or cloth and keep it with him at all times.
Yaa awwalu, The First.
Anyone desirous of male children should say this ism 40 times daily for 40 days. His needs will soon be fulfilled. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa mubdi-u, The Originator
Anyone who, while placing his hand on the stomach of his pregnant wife, repeats this ism 99 times at the time of sehri, neither will she have a miscarriage nor will she give birth prematurely. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa barru, The Good.
Anyone who reads this ism 7 times and blows on his child soon after birth, Allah will grant the child protection from calamities until puberty. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa baari-u, One Who Gives Life.
If a barren woman fasts for 7days and each day, after making Iftaar with water, reads this ism 21 times Allah will grant her male children. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa musawwiru, Fashioner of Shapes.
If a barren woman fasts and each day, after making Iftaar with water read this ism 21 times Allah will grant her male children. (Insha-Allah
Yaa naafi-u, One Who Confers Benefits.
If this ism is said prior to having intercourse, Allah will grant him good and pious children. (Insha-Allah)

FASTING DURING PREGNANCY
If the pregnant woman is certain or almost certain that if she fasts the foetus will be harmed or she herself will be harmed, she is then permitted not to observe the fasts.
If a woman comes to know after having had the intention of the fast that she is pregnant and she is almost certain that fasting would be harmful for her, she is then permitted to break the fast and observe it on another day without expiation.

WHAT TO EAT DURING PREGNANCY
During the days of pregnancy good and pure foods are essential for the health of the child. But excess of healthy foods and fruits and too much of resting causes the weight of the child to increase due to which delivery becomes difficult. Therefore excess of healthy foods should not be consumed, nor should there be too much of resting. A little bit of work should be done.
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “If a woman eats sweet melon, she will give birth to a handsome and pretty child.”
It is interesting to note that an intelligent child is born when a pregnant woman eats beans. Also it increases the mother’s milk.
During the days of pregnancy by eating coconut and sugar candy, it lessens the amount of vomiting. There is easiness at the time of the birth of the child. Also on the body of the child there would be no heat rashes and the child will be fair and pure (skin) and the child will be born healthy. (Insha-Allah)
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has emphasised the importance of dates and their effectiveness in the growth of the foetus. He (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) recommended that they be given to women. Sayyidah Maryam (alayhas salaam) had dates as her food during her confinement and labour. Experiments have shown that dates contain stimulants which strengthen the muscles of the uterus in the last months of pregnancy. This helps the dilation of the uterus at the time of delivery on one hand and reduces the bleeding after delivery on the other. Dates enrich the breast milk with all the elements needed to make the child healthy and resistant to disease. Modern Science has proved that dates are a part of a healthy diet. They contain sugar, fat and proteins as well as important vitamins. They are also rich in natural fibres. Medical research has proven that they are effective in preventing stomach cancer. Dates also surpass other fruit in sheer variety of their constituents. They contain oil, Calcium, Sulphur, Iron, Potassium, Phosphorous, Manganese, Copper and Megnesium. In other words, one date is a mini-mine of a balanced and healthy diet.
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said that bitter orange (grapefruit) is a cure for all illnesses. Also, it increases the milk in the mother’s breast.

http://www.beautifulislam.net/family/pregnancy.htm

Social – Hectic being a mother & wife in Ramadaan!

Q. I am a Muslim mother of 5 children aged between 2  & 15 years. Ordinarily it is a hectic task to tend to their upbringing and ensure that all their needs are looked after including my husband.

In Ramadaan the pressure heightens to such a degree that I sometimes wonder whether I will cope. At times it becomes very difficult to exert oneself in ibadah and also to perform the 20 rakaats taraweeh at night. Every mum like me will know what I am talking about. However, I do it for my family and the pleasure of Allah. I feel as women we miss out on many of the benefits of Ramadan due to our household chores. Please advise me on how I could spend Ramadaan in a way that I will be achieve the objectives of Ramadaan with fulfilling my household duties. I am very grateful .

A. Your zeal to acquire the best out of Ramadan is in itself a great bounty for which you should be grateful to Allah. The hadith states that the intention of a believer is better than his/her action. Indeed the reward for a woman who strives to give her family the best attention and upbringing is immense. Your striving in tending to the household chores and giving your children and husband attention is in itself a form of ibadah for which you will be duly rewarded.

In Ramadaan though one should utilize one’s time more effectively by planning and good management. Of course the daily routine work will always continue and they can be no end to the cooking, baking and washing that forms part of this cycle, however, clever planning of one’s day and night will enable one to draw the maximum from it. Set yourself realistic targets as to how much of tilawat, zikr and other nafl ibadat you would like to accomplish and draw up a timetable and then stick to it. If you happen to slip don’t be deterred and continue with your timetable. Insha Allah a great deal can be achieved if this method is employed.  In another hadith we learn that the most beloved of actions to Allah are those that are done constantly though they maybe few. So be balanced and moderate in your ibadah but strive for sincerity and steadfastness.

Ensure that your good time is not consumed in idle talk, be it by phone or otherwise, and avoid frequenting places like malls, restaurants, etc. A lot of valuable time is lost in such places. Keep communication to the bare minimum and cut out any unnecessary outdoor activity.

Furthermore, whilst engaged in your chores keep your tongue moist with zikr of Allah and recite the Tasbeeh Fatimi after every Fardh salaah. This is an effortless exercise which will keep you in the remembrance and consciousness of Allah all the time. May Allah grant you strength and fortitude in this blessed month.

May Allah grant one and all a beneficial and spiritually prosperous Ramadaan. Aameen.

THURSDAY, 20 AUGUST 2009 11:46

Source: DarulIhsan.com

THE RAMADAN SYNDROME

By Ebrahim Moosa (Cii Youth Foundation& Crossroads presenter on Cii)

With the Holy month of Ramadan dawning upon us once more, alarm is again  being raised in several quarters regarding the emergence of what has been called an “all new culture” that is steadily gaining sway over large segments of the Muslim community.

While the month has traditionally been associated with fasting, prayer and an overall increase in spirituality, events of recent years have seen Ramadan become synonymous with music, drag racing and a litany of other vices. Disturbing reports have emerged of Muslims pompously racing their fancy cars, exhibiting their latest amps and sounds or hanging out with members of the opposite gender, often while the nightly Taraweeh prayers are still in progress. What seems to have started off as an innocent weekend pastime has evolved into a fully fledged institution, with most towns having designated areas of gathering where prospective candidates can test the competence and flair of their “done-up” motor vehicles. Though commonly seen as the domains of the young, the number of families and older individuals frequenting these locations has grown steadily in recent years. Concurrently, the age-old problem of loitering at shopping malls, restaurants and in parking lots during prayers has not seemed to have been overcome either.

Community leaders, who have been taken aback by the sheer magnitude of the problems in recent years, agree that there is no quick fix solution to the crisis. What they all emphasize though, is that parents should be more assertive and savvy in taking responsibility and providing living examples for their children. They urge parents to be conscious of the dangers facing their children, to be aware of their whereabouts and not to provide them with the potential tools of their destruction.

However, some community members have also urged caution at laying all the blame solely at the feet of parents, pointing to the lack of strong leadership, supportive counselling forums and progressive Halaal alternatives for the youth. They argue that the decadence in our society, especially during this Holy month, is reflective of the moral climate prevalent in both the home and the various educational and social institutions in the community.

Central to this strategy in Ramadan, is getting young people to see the relevance of the Quraan in their lives. Far from being a book that is merely whizzed off in supersonic Taraweehs of Khatams, they need to be prompted to acquire the correct understanding of its meanings. Fasting too needs to be appreciated as being more than just a mere aesthetic changeover. It should be understood as a state of being that involves one ‘fasting’ with the ears, eyes and all other organs of the body.

Ramadan should also engender a broad social awareness that would see youth actively assisting the underprivileged to overcome their difficulties.

It is evident that the toxic cocktail of designer clothing, flashy cars and “pumped-up” sound systems has soured many a Ramadan in the past. An immediate panacea to the crisis does not appear attainable. Nonetheless, with the community actively channelling its creative thoughts and energies into positive avenues that can help remedy the problem, one can only hope that the true spirit of spirituality, kindness and goodness in Ramadan, can once more be rekindled.

Advices to Parents:

1.      Ensure that your children are present in the Masaajid for

Taraweeh Salaah.

2.      Create the spirit of Ramadhaan in your homes through recitation of Quraan, Zikr, Ta’leem and Salaah.

3.      Encourage your children to occupy themselves in beneficial and productive activity.

Advices to Youth

1.      Guard your gaze

2.      Guard your tongue

3.      Ensure you perform all your Salaah including Taraweeh

For more info on Cii youth foundation log onto: www.ciiyouth.com

<http://www.ciiyouth.com/>  or call Ml. Mohammad Seedat on 084 584 7733

Why a mother is so valuable in Ramadaan

Ramadhaan is the most important month of the Islamic year. It is in this month that the family worships Allah and practices Islam more fervently and with greater enthusiasm. The Muslim family spends precious moments of their time together during Iftaar and Suhoor. These two meals provide the fuel and blessing that grant a Muslim the physical and spiritual strength to fast.

The food Muslims consume plays a critical role in their worship. Allah mentions in the Qur’aan: “Eat what is wholesome and do good deeds.” In other words, wholesome and halaal food promotes good character and actions. The responsibility of ensuring that wholesome meals are provided for the family rests on the father and mother. The father earns pure and halaal sustenance. The mother ensures that the food that is consumed is wholesome and halaal.

A few ideas on how a mother can create an Islamic home in Ramadhaan:

Encourage children to recite Qur’aan regularly every day, even if it be a little at a time. This will discipline them and make them love the Qur’aan.

Encourage them to fast, even for an hour or half a day. This will build their confidence.

Let them perform Salaah together with the mother while she prays.

Teach them one new thing about Ramadhaan every day, eg. a du’aa, hadeeth, the benefit of fasting, taraweeh, etc.

Teach them to avoid junk food. Ramadhaan is, after all, a month of diet control!

Assign one of the kids the responsibility for waking everyone up for Suhoor and Fajr (Set your alarm clock, just in case!) This will teach them the importance of Suhoor and Fajr.

In Ramadhaan, specifically, there must be a constant reminder of an Islamic home!

Children learn from a mother’s personal example. A mother who is always there by supervising and disciplining her children and who keeps busy with Salaah, Qur’aan and Du’aa, provides the most favourable Islamic atmosphere for piety and happiness in the home.

A mother provides a special warmth and tenderness to the family during Ramadhaan. Ramadhaan without a mother can never be a true Ramadhaan.Ask anybody who has lost a mother within the last year how sad and empty that home now is:(

A dua for our mothers and sisters  :

May Allah grant our mothers the understanding of their critical role in every Muslim home. They are the spiritual pillars upon which the bricks of worship and obedience stand. If they fall or crumble the future of the Ummah is at stake. If they stand firm, the Ummah will be able to produce the likes of Khalid Ibn Walid Radhi Allahu Anhu, Junaid Baghdadi Rahimahullah and Rabia Basria Rahimahallah.

If they fail in their responsibility our Maryam will become Mary, our Bilal will become Billy and our Yusuf will become Joe. May Allah protect our mothers and sisters from blindly aping the filthy dressing, speech, behaviour and culture of the west. Their culture has failed! Time has shown that they can boast of little except wife batterings, broken homes, AIDS, extra marital affairs, rape, pornography and shamelessness. The world is waiting for Muslim women to lead the way in showing how Islam can solve the problems of our morally decaying society. May Allah make our Muslim women true beacons of piety and strength. Aameen!

Source: Hafidha Rayhaana Omar Muhammad

Whatever Allah does….it is for our best

by Asma bint Shameem

When my daughter was 2 years old, she loved to play with the water in the commode. Yes, that’s right….the commode. Yuck!! That’s nasty! You would say. But to her, that was the delight of the day! Splish…splash! To her there was nothing like it! And so when I would prevent her from it, she would scream and cry and wouldn’t want to stop. She didn’t understand how harmful that was for her. In her little mind, I took away something that she really enjoyed.

And when I would take her to the doctor to have her immunization shots, she didn’t understand either. She would howl at the top of her lungs at the first sight of the needle and would run the other way. It would take two of us just to hold her down! To her, frankly, it was plain torture! Her innocent little mind simply could not even begin to understand how, on earth, could being tortured by a needle, be good for you?!! She didn’t realize that this ‘needle’ will Insha Allah protect her from certain illnesses and harm that is much more severe than the prick of this little needle.

So what’s the point here?

The point I am trying to make is that we, as parents sometimes do things for our kids, out of our great love and concern for them, which they may not understand. They do not see the wisdom behind it, although we do, and so we carry out those things because we know it will be better for them.

And for Allah is the Highest example. (Surah Nahl:60)       وَلِلّهِ الْمَثَلُ الْأَعْلَىَ

So when Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala , in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is  difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever Allah decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing.

Allah says:

“…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Surah Baqarah: 216)

Al-Hasan al-Basri said: “Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.”

Remember that we are dealing with the One who is Arham ar-Raahimeen, the Most Merciful of all that show mercy. All the mercy that we have in this world from Adam (Alaiyhi Salaam) to the Day of Judgment is only one hundredth of the Mercy of the Most Merciful. And He is Most Wise. He knows and we don’t know.

So have faith in Him and trust in Him and although, sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things, know that as long as you obey Him, whatever He will do for you is, in fact for your betterment.

So if Allah didn’t give you that big house, or that nice car you wanted or that big raise you were hoping for, know in your mind and believe in your heart that it is actually better for you. Who knows…..maybe that big house, that car or that money would have become a source of ‘fitnah’ for you….Perhaps you would have become arrogant and conceited because of it, and Allah saved you from it. Because, you know that the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“Any one in whose heart is even a mustard seed’s worth of pride will not enter Paradise.” (Muslim)

And if you have been sick and suffering, sure it is not easy. But again, know in your mind and believe in your heart that it is indeed better for you. For, if you bear patiently, it will be a means of expiation for your sins and a source of great reward. The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“There is nothing that befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will record one good deed for him and will remove one bad deed from him.” (Muslim)

And: “On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world (when they see the immense rewards for the afflictions they suffered).” (Tirmidhi-Saheeh by al-Albaani)

If Allah took away a dear, loved one, believe, from the bottom of your heart, that surely this was better. For, you never know, had the one who passed away lived longer, may be his life would have been one of sins and disobedience and Allah, out of His Mercy, took him before that….in a state of Imaan.

And if life has been difficult, worries surround you and calamities after calamities befall you, hear the good news from the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam): “Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allah with no sin on them.” (Tirmidhi– saheeh by al-Albaani)

Subhaan Allaah! No sin?! And what is it from this world that you wouldn’t give up, just to meet Allah with no sin??!!

Remember that the One Who is testing you is the Most Wise, the Most Merciful and the Most Loving…..and that He did not send this calamity in order to destroy you….or cause you pain or finish you off. Rather, He is checking on you, testing your patience, acceptance and faith; it is so that He may hear your du’a and supplication, so that He may see you standing before Him….seeking His protection….filled with humility and complaining to Him, alone. The difficulties you face is a reminder for you to return to Allah and ask for forgiveness from Him. Who knows… if He didn’t give you the difficulty, maybe you would have strayed from Him far, far away….

Ibn Taymiyah said: A calamity that makes you turn to Allah is better for you than a blessing which makes you forget the remembrance of Allah.”

Thus in our times of trouble, when we go through pain and suffering and in our times of loss, we need to trust Allah. We need to keep in mind that as long as we fear Him and try our best to obey Him, He will never do us wrong. He will protect us and guide us and do the best for us, no matter what the situation apparently looks like. Allah says in a hadeeth Qudsi:

“I am as my slave thinks of me and I am with him whenever he remembers me.” (Agreed Upon).

It is actually a sign of our weakness and shortsightedness, that we tend to focus on the calamities themselves, without paying much attention to the benefits that they may bring. We also forget to look at all other innumerable blessings that we enjoy and see around us.

Our minds, our logic and our senses cannot even begin to fathom the Wisdom, the Knowledge and the Hikmah behind Allah’s decisions and verdicts. It is He who is the Wise….it is He who is the Just and it is He who is the Knower of the unseen. If we trust in Allah, He will suffice and it is He who will grant us goodness in any situation and under any circumstances.

“And when someone puts all his trust in Allah, He will be enough for him.” (Surah at-Talaaq:3)

The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“If you put your trust completely in Allah, He will arrange for your sustenance in the same way as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning with their stomachs empty and return filled in the evening.” (Tirmidhi-saheeh).

So trust Him….for, there is much reward in trusting Him…..it is Jannah. And there is sin in distrusting Him. Calamities and disasters are a test, and they are a sign of Allah’s love for a person. They are like medicine: even though it is bitter, yet, in spite of its bitterness you still give it to the one whom you love….

“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” (Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)

http://farhathashmi.wordpress.com/2008/06/02/whatever-allah-doesit-is-for-our-best/

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