INFERTILITY

by Nasreen Ebrahim-Sardiwalla
*Nasreen is a Clinical Psychologist based in Durban, South Africa

So many women and couples have a dream of falling pregnant. For some this dream becomes a reality, not once, but many a time. For others, sadly this is not the case as there are factors that hinder this process and make falling pregnant very difficult. This creates many physical and emotional challenges for the individuals involved.

This article serves to explain the above and also the factors to take into consideration when faced with such a scenario or when dealing with people who are faced with this difficulty.

I write this article as a psychologist who has experienced problems regarding the above first-hand. Hence the information hereunder is supported by first hand knowledge and experience of the above. I will also discuss ways that I have found to help one cope with infertility from professional and personal experience.

Definition:

Infertility as defined by the Dictionary of Psychology is “An inability to produce offspring. A diminished capacity or less than normal ability to produce offspring. Infertility is typically used for conditions which are temporary or reversible. Sterility is preferred for those diagnosed to be permanent or difficult to reverse”.

Whether individuals are experiencing infertility or sterility the impact is more or less the same, although with sterility there may be a greater loss of hope.

Causes:

In very general medical terms (as this is an article more of a psychological nature) there can be various reasons for infertility, namely :
• Female deficits with regards to the uterus, ovaries, eggs, etc.
• Problems with regards to previous pregnancies and childbirth.
• Male deficits with regards to sperm count and sperm strength.
• Unsafe abortions
• Age
• Genetic problems in family history
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Stress
Sometimes, there is no sound medical reason and some couples are just not able to conceive.

Psychological Impact of Infertility

Individuals who are unable to conceive for whatever reason undergo various difficulties. Society, sometimes compounds this as there are many inquisitive people out there that feel that it is their business to know why people are unable to have children and are ever ready to give advice as to why they are unable to conceive.

Some of the emotions and difficulties associated with infertility include:
• Despondency
• Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.
• Feelings of helplessness
• Guilt (this is especially evident for the individual in the relationship that may be presenting with the medical condition that is preventing pregnancy)
• Anger (at doctors, oneself and even GOD)
• Feelings of isolation
• Depression
• Financial strain (couples will try many avenues in trying to address the problem which results in substantial expense)
• Marital / relationship problems (tensions run high between individuals in a relationship, blame shifting can occur and often if there is no understanding a marriage may desolve due to not being able to have a child)

Psychological Disorders associated with above Feelings

If the above goes unnoticed, is taken for granted or is not treated professionally, they may give rise to :
• Mood Disorders (Depression, Mania)
• Risk behaviours or suicidality
• Anxiety Disorders (Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
• Adjustment Disorder
• Grief

What To Do?

Identify that there is a problem and it is having an effect on you, your partner or both.

Do not be afraid to discuss the problem and how it makes you feel with each other.

Educate yourself on the problem through books, magazines, the internet and so forth. The more you know about a situation the more you open up to the possibilities out there to solving it. This also creates an awareness of others around you that may be going through similar circumstances.

Talk to close family or friends about it, only if you know they are going to be a source of comfort and not criticism which will make the situation worse.

Seek medical help (gynae, fertility specialist)

Seek authentic spiritual help (moulana, priest, etc)

Seek emotional help if need be, especially if any of the factors outlined above are evident (psychologist, psychiatrists, infertility groups)

Infertility Clinics (Although these have helped many, depending on ones religious orientation, one should be weary or mindful about what is going to occur here. Before commencing treatment, gather as much information as possible.)

Implement lifestyle changes (less stress, more exercise, healthy eating eliminate bad habits such s smoking or drinking)

Try not to allow the infertility to become the focus of your life. Many couples have reported that once they accepted the problem and decided to move forward from it, is exactly when they have fallen pregnant. Find other avenues or hobbies in life to redirect your thoughts.

If someone around you is experiencing the problem falling pregnant and you are not sure what to say to this person, rather not say anything. As human beings we are often under the conception that we have to say something to make the person feel better. However, all the person may require is for you to listen. If you do feel you need to say anything, rather it be in the form of encouragement and support and not criticism.

If you have a baby and do not know how to deal with a close a friend or family who cannot have a baby, take your cue in dealing with this person from the person themselves – if the person finds it difficult to be around you and your child, respect this and do not force the issue – if the person wants to spend more time with your child, indulge or entertain this as it may be a source of comfort to him / her.

If you yourself and your spouse are experiencing difficulty in being around people who have babies there are few things you need to consider:

Realise that your feelings (jealousy, anger,) are normal – do not feel guilty about them.

Accept these feelings but also come to a realization that you may have to accept the infertility as well – acceptance of any problem is the key to moving on from it.

If it is close family or friends and you feel comfortable enough, discuss how you feel with the people involved.

Also consider the advantages if you can, about not being able to have children, namely, less financial expenses in this day and age, less worry about the safety and vices that surround children in this era and the fact that you and your spouse ironically may now have a stronger bond with one another due to the fact that your time is divided only between the two of you.

Islamic Prescriptions for Infertility

Hafiz Aslam Patel in his book, Ashraf’s Blessings of Marriage (2008) states on infertility “Allah says in the glorious Quraan : To Allah belongs the kingdom of the Heavens and the earth, He creates what He wills. He bestows female (children) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (children) upon whom He wills. Or bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Indeed, He is the All-Knower and is able to do all things. (43:49-50) “

From the above it is quite evident that as Muslims we should place our faith solely on our creator and trust that He knows what He is doing in not giving us offspring. However, in so doing one should not forget the mercy of our Creator and never stop asking what it is we desire. It has been said that Allah tests those that he loves and if we forget Him in our time of need, surely we are failing the test. Also by asking, we are placing ourselves closer and closer to Him. So no matter how futile it may seem, never stop asking the Almighty or whatever God you may believe in for what you desire.

Some Quranic prescriptions that I myself found to be helpful in my painstaking effort to fall pregnant included :

• Surah Ale Imraan (for fertility)
• Surah Maryam
• Surah Noor (40th Ayat – 7 times)
• Say ‘Ya Quddoosu ‘ 41 times, blow on water 3 times and drink first thing in the morning).
• Keep 7 rozas. Before breaking fast read the following, blow on water and break fast :
 7 times Ayatal Kursi
 7 times Surah Ikhlaas
 7 times Surah Falaq
 7 times Surah Naas
 7 times Inna Fathahna
 7 times 4th seepara after 6th ruku (from Summa Anzalna to Sudoor)
 1 imes Surah Fatheha
 Make dua
 Read surah Maryam
 Recite ‘Ya Quddoosoo ’41 times

Also read abundantly : Rabbi hab lee mil la-dunka zhurriyatan tayyibah. Innaka samee-ud duaa (My Lord, grant me from You a pure progeny; surely You are the Hearer of prayers).

And Inshallah Allah knows best…

May all your duas be accepted accepted. Ameen

Infertility in the Qur’an

Source: http://www.angelfire.com/la/IslamicView/Quran1.html

The Qur’an is true guidance for all mankind, complete and not lacking anything. It touches on every aspect of life, so it should come as no suprise that infertility is on the vast array of subjects. The Qur’an teaches in many ways, showing us a glimpse of the lives of others before us is one way. There are two stories of infertility in Qur’an which we should draw and learn from. The first story is that of Ibrahim s.a.w. and his wife Sara r.a. The two main accounts of this story, given as follows.
And his wife was standing (there) and she laughed: But we gave her glad tidings of Isaac and after him, of Jacob. She said “Alas for me! Shall I bear a child, seeing I am an old woman, and my husband here, is an old man? That indeed would be a wonderful thing!” They said: “Dost thou wonder at Allah’s decree? The grace of Allah and His blessings on you, O ye people of the house! For He is indeed worthy of all praise, full of Glory!” 11:71-73

…And they (angels) gave him (Ibrahim) glad tidings of a son endowed with knowledge. But his wife came forward clamoring, she smote her forehead and said: “A barren old woman!” They said “Even so has thy Lord spoken and He is full of wisdom and knowledge.” 51:28-30

Not much detail is given in the Qur’an concerning the lives of Sara or Hagar. But some of the details we recieve with ahadith. Islamic exegesis also rely on heavily upon biblical (OT) information about Sara as well as Hagar. What we do know from the Qur’an was that Sara was old and barren when Allah blessed her with a child. Exegesis place her age at about ninety and Ibrahim was over 100 yrs old. It was several years before this that Sara gave her hand maiden, Hagar, to Ibrahim in marriage so that he may have children.
Many women going through infertility can relate to the sense of guilt for “denying” their husbands children. This is a common feeling that is present, as we see with Sarah. As we see in this story polygyny is an option for couple who can not have children due to the illness with the wife.

Accroding to exigisis after Hagar conceived she became “haughty” in her ability to have children. From this rose a jealousy in Sara in which she threatened to do harm to Hagar. Nothing came of this threat and evidently the waters were calmed in Ibrahim’s household. The family continued to remain together until Ibrahim’s command to take Hagar and Ishmael to the valley of Mecca and leave them there.

We have reference in the Qur’an of Sara striking her face and laughing in the astonishment of being blessed with a pregnancy at 90 yrs of age. It appears Sarah, naturally, had long since given up hopes of conceiving. She had given Hagar to Ibrahim as a way not to deny him and accepting the Qadar (fate) that Allah had set for her.

Here we can take a lesson from Sara, at some point we must learn to just accept what has been written for us and go on. All too often couples become obsessed with having a child to where it is harmful for themselves. We as Muslims must learn to seek a healthy balance in striving for pregnancy. We must learn at what point to stop medical procedures and accept what Allah has planne for us. A woman’s (or man’s) life does not end because they have no children. Sarah, although barren, remained firm in her faith, true to her husband, and a full woman in every sense of the word.

Sarah was ultimately blessed with a child, Ishaq pbuh. Angels came to her as they were on their way to the people of Lot pbuh and informed her. Not only was she told of a son but she was also informed that she would live to see her grandchildren. Considering her age it could have been the total shock that lead her to smite her face. I’m sure after so many years of giving up on having children a slap on the face is what she needed to reassure herself she wasn’t dreaming.

It is important at this point to take notice of the example set by Ibrahim in relation to his barren wife. He was never harsh to his wife in words or deeds even though she was unable to conceive. Nor did he abandon her he chose to stand by his wife as she stood by him. He did not seek out another wife or “right hand possession” to have children, it was Sara who suggested Hagar to him. This bond of marriage, faith, love, and tenderness kept this couple together even in infertile times. Working together in cooperation something we all should take notice of. And men, or cultures for that matter, who blame women for not conceiving and down them as if they were no longer a complete woman should take heed in this example set by Ibrahim.
Ibrahim was indeed a model… 16:120

Another Qur’anic example of infertility is that of Zakariya pbuh and his wife Ishba. The Qur’anic story focuses more on Zakariya than Ishba herself. In fact very little is said about her in the Qur’an, hadith, and exegesis.

There did Zakariya pray to his Lord, saying: “O my Lord! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure: for Thou art He that heareth prayer! While he was standing in prayer in the chamber, the angels called unto him: “Allah doth give thee glad tidings of Yahya, witnessing the truth of a Word from Allah, and (be besides) noble, chaste, and a prophet,- of the (goodly) company of the righteous.” He said: “O my Lord! How shall I have son, seeing I am very old, and my wife is barren?” “Thus,” was the answer, “Doth Allah accomplish what He willeth.” 3:38-40

(This is) a recital of the Mercy of thy Lord to His servant Zakariya.Behold! he cried to his Lord in secret, Praying: “O my Lord! infirm indeed are my bones, and the hair of my head doth glisten with grey: but never am I unblest, O my Lord, in my prayer to Thee! 19:2-4

And (remember) Zakariya, when he cried to his Lord: “O my Lord! leave me not without offspring, though thou art the best of inheritors.” So We listened to him: and We granted him Yahya: We cured his wife’s (Barrenness) for him. These (three)were ever quick in emulation in good works; they used to call on Us with love and reverence, and humble themselves before Us. 21:89-90

Mary r.a. was placed in the care of Zakariya pbh and her aunt Ishba. Ishba was barren, so the caring of a child was a blessing in her family. Zakariya pbuh at times marveled at how well Mary had grown and it instilled the urge in him to have a son. One who would not only inherit the family lineage, but one who would carry on the teachings of Allah, something which he did himself. Perhaps Mary r.a. fulfilled the natural urge in Zakariya pbuh to have children for a limited time, but when she had matured and no longer a child, the desire seems to have rekindled. Whatever the exact emotions that Zakariya pbuh had, it brought him to a point where he prayed in secret to have a son.

Zakariya pbuh beseeched Allah for this blessing, perhaps not expecting the answer, he appears surprised with it. It was not so much the answer of “yes” but rather the means in which the child would come to him. His old barren wife, cured by Allah, was to conceive. Zakariya responded in natural amazement that his wife would conceive. He was told by Allah that such a thing was easy for Allah.. and it is. His son would be given the name of Yahya pbuh a name not before given who would carry on Zakariya’s pbuh work.
We also learn that Ishba and Mary were pregnant around the same time. Yahya’s pbuh work with Isa pbuh being something planned by Allah surrounded by many miraculous events.

As with the story of Ibrahim pbuh we have the example of a husband who remains with his barren wife. She is not shunned, shammed, divorced, or looked down upon as an incomplete woman as many men and cultures do to women. This is a lesson that all of our ummah must learn, as Allah says “…He leaves barren whom He wills” (42:50) It is a decree from Allah. This does not make one less of a woman (or man) and one should not be treated as such. We are to remain firm in our faith in Allah, knowing that He brings about things that we may not like and things we are tested with. And the stigma placed on couples who do not have children we are failing our test.

I know many women are thinking, that these two stories have such happy endings (babies) and yet it does not happen with all of us. Why does not Allah bestow on all of us pregnancies.. why must “I” be barren.. why me? As I sit here and write this my mind searches for an example of a woman with no children, suddenly I remembered one so full of faith, and one mentioned in the Qur’an as an example for all those who believe.

And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe the wife of Pharaoh: Behold she said: “O my Lord! Build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden, and save me from Pharaoh and his doings, and save me from those that do wrong”; 66:11
Her name was Asya, and she never conceived a child. It is said that her marriage was one of sacrifice she made for the safety of her people. But the marriage was never consumated, for Allah had stricken Pharaoh with impotence. Whatever the case may have been, here was a childless woman, who is set forth as an example for all believers. She nurtured a Prophet from infancy even though he was not her own, and she was a martyr.

It is said that Pharoah had killed several believers in the palace, among them a maid, her children and her husband. Asya picked up an iron stake to kill Pharaoh, she failed, and Pharaoh had her tortured by piercing iron stakes through her breast. The same childless woman sought Allah to build mansions in the Garden, and to save her from those that do wrong. Do we dare to say that such an example as stated by Allah is incomplete or less of a woman because she bore no children? Do we not take heed in the examples given to us? So anytime one attempts to make you feel low, or less of a woman (or man) think of these examples, draw guidance and strength from them. Rely on Allah, and seek Him to give you strength.

May Allah give us All that is good for us, make it easy for us to obtain it and keep us on the straight path when we do.

References:
Qur’an translation by Yusuf Ali
“Women in the Qur’an, Traditions and Interpretation” by Barbara Freyer Stowasser ISBN 0-19-508480-2

Parent 24: Breastfed babies are healthier

Breastfeeding may curb heart and diabetes risk factors.

Amy Norton

Mothers who breastfeed seem to have a lower long-term risk of developing a collection of risk factors for diabetes and heart disease than women who bottle-feed, a new study suggests.

Researchers found that among 700 women followed for 20 years, those who had breastfed were less likely to develop metabolic syndrome – a cluster of risk factors for type 2 diabetes and heart disease that includes abdominal obesity, elevated blood pressure and blood sugar, lower-than-desirable levels of “good” HDL cholesterol and elevated triglycerides (a type of blood fat).

What’s more, the apparent protective effect was stronger among women with a history of gestational diabetes, a form of diabetes that arises during pregnancy and goes away after childbirth.

Although it is temporary, gestational diabetes does raise a woman’s odds of eventually developing type 2 diabetes.

These latest findings suggest that breastfeeding might help diminish that excess risk, said lead investigator Dr. Erica P. Gunderson, a research scientist at Kaiser Permanente’s Division of Research in Oakland, California.

However, she told Reuters Health, while the study suggests breastfeeding has a “strong protective effect” against metabolic syndrome, more research is needed to see whether that translates into lower rates of diabetes and heart disease.

The study, published online in the journal Diabetes, included 704 women who were between the ages of 18 and 30 and free of metabolic syndrome at the outset, and who gave birth for the first time during the study period.

Over 20 years of follow-up, 120 were diagnosed with metabolic syndrome.

The researchers found that among women with no history of gestational diabetes, those who had breastfed for more than one month were anywhere from 39% to 56% less likely to develop metabolic syndrome – depending on how long they had breastfed.

Among women with a history of gestational diabetes, breastfeeding for more than one month was linked to a 44% to 86% lower risk of metabolic syndrome.

These lower risks were seen with a number of important factors taken into account – including the women’s weight, exercise levels and the presence of any metabolic syndrome components before pregnancy.

It is not yet clear why breastfeeding itself might lower a woman’s chances of developing risk factors for diabetes and heart disease.

Abdominal obesity is one of the components of metabolic syndrome, and excess weight is closely linked to type 2 diabetes. But while it’s widely thought that breastfeeding aids post-pregnancy weight loss, weight changes did not explain the benefits seen in this study, Gunderson said.

Breastfeeding may help women shed a few extra pounds in the months after giving birth, the researcher noted, but there may be other metabolic effects that explain the lower risk of metabolic syndrome.

Breastfeeding may, for example, have positive effects on blood sugar levels, body fat mass or how fat is distributed throughout the body.

Whatever the reasons for the findings, Gunderson said they do suggest that breastfeeding can have “long-term health benefits” for mothers.

Source:

http://www.parent24.com/Content/Focus/breastfeeding/more/902/167ad3ca566a40a68d57e46a4e2df7ea/10-12-2009-11-11/Breastfed_babies_are_healthier

Top babycare tips for new parents

A LOT TO LEARN
When it comes to caring for a newborn, new parents have much learning to do – and instantly! Trust your motherly instincts, and remember that your midwife team, your GP, and friends and family, are only a phone call away. So don’t struggle alone if you feel you need some help or advice.

NAPPY CHANGING
You’re going to be changing a lot of nappies from now on (an average of 10 per 24 hours!). So it’s important to get the hang of it quickly. Firstly, when it comes to newborns, having a clean nappy on at all times is vital, as the skin is still so fragile. If your baby is wet after a feed, change him, don’t wait until the nappy is soaking or he’s had a bowel movement. As long as the skin under the nappy feels dry to the touch, you needn’t wipe this area if you’re only changing a wet nappy. Modern, good quality nappies are designed to keep in all the moisture from urine, so it’s only when your little one has a dirty nappy that you have to wipe the skin clean. You can clean the genital area with cotton wool and water or use wipes suitable for newborn. It is not advisable to use nappy creams or powder on newborn skin. Your baby is very unlikely to develop nappy rash at this stage if you are changing him often and keeping him clean and dry. But if the skin does appear sore and red, inform your midwife or doctor for advice, and opt for a very plain, barrier ointment.

HELPFUL TIPS
Expect to change your baby after every feed and after a long sleep. When replacing the nappy, place the new one under the baby so that it is well centred and stretches about half way up his back. The two front-fastening tabs should reach equally round the sides to the front of the nappy, and should be stuck down firmly to achieve a snug fit – but not too tight that it leaves the skin red or indented. Monitor for leaks as these often indicate that your little one is ready for the next size up!

UMBILICAL CORD CARE
You’ll have to take care of the stump of your baby’s umbilical cord until it falls off of its own accord at around 2 weeks. Whenever you change your baby’s nappy, ensure the stump is clean. If necessary, carefully wipe it with damp cotton wool and then pat it dry. It’s important the area remains as clean and dry as possible. You should fold down the nappy waistband to let the air reach the cord stump, and avoid clothing that is elasticated around the waist. Babygros or all-in-ones are the best choice for this stage. Inform you midwife if the stump is weeping. She may suggest you get some special powder.

ROUND-THE-CLOCK NAPPING
During the first month of life, your tiny infant needs around 16 to 18 hours sleep per day. His 24-hour cycle is divided into frequent short stretches of wakefulness and napping. Each sleep will normally only last a maximum of two to four hours, and he will always awaken hungry! He doesn’t yet discriminate between night and day, either. This is something he will learn to do over the next few months. It takes around six months for his body clock to develop a diurnal (or day-night) rhythm resembling yours. You can play a positive role in this learning process, however, by behaving differently towards him during day versus night-time feeds. Encourage alertness and interaction during the day by chatting to your baby as he nurses. By contrast, keep lights dimmed and make sure there is as little noise and stimulation as possible during night-time nursing. Remember, don’t have unrealistic expectations about your newborn’s sleeping and feeding behaviour during the first two months. This is not the time for worrying about establishing routines, you will only put unnecessary pressure on yourself and your baby. Feed on demand for now, and grab as many naps as you can whenever your little one drifts off to sleep!

Source: Pampers Newsletter

Exclusive: My birthing experience

By Fatima B Shah

Discussions are held many times on the question of childbirth and everyone has their own story to tell, though do these accurately describe the positive side of childbirth?

What people forget is that the pain of birth has a positive side, in hat it makes woman strong. Looking at the whole experience holistically, my midwife explained how those pains which make up the contractions are good signs that everything is going according to plan, and that even though they seem hard at the time, are soon forgotten once the child is born. Labor is labor of love and the hard work taken to produce a child and to bring it into the world is rewarded a million times over when you get to hold that child in your arms.

There is actually a positive side to chidbirth pain and women need to make each other aware of this. There are many women who are afraid to give birth after hearing these stories and many times leave decisions regarding their bodies in the hands of others. Take the power back

Positive perspective is only gained by preparation for that day that the birth is going to take place, and realistically approaching the pain as being a very temporary pain, which is soon forgotten after the birth of the child. What those people that discuss the pain of labor forget is that each individual has their own strengths, and scare others into believing that labor is too hard to bear and that the options available are better for them.

MY EXPERIENCE

After doing research and having a very bad experience with a woman gynae, who made me think that surely there is more to childbirth and pregnancy than this, I found a group of midwifes called Growth Spurt. They were extremely patient and helpful as I had 101 questions. They did advise me to have a back up gynae and recommended Dr. Boris Jivkov who was ‘’ midwife friendly’’.

Linkwood Hospital at the time was a birthing unit which allowed you to have the birth you wanted in a homely environment as well as having the peace of the mind that if things did not go as plan they had operating rooms and trained staff.

Unfortunately this is not the case today as they were taken over by Netcare.

Having a water birth was not I had intended. I wanted a natural birth without drugs. That was in my birth plan. I was going to use the water though as a pain reliever. The midwife mentioned that sometimes it is not always easy to get out of the water when you are in the throes of childbirth. After talking to my husband we decided to have the water birth. My contractions started at 5 am and I continued to dilate normally.

By 9am the midwives put me in the water by then I was 8cm dilated. Immediately I felt a sense of relieve. It also helped me to relax more. I liked the fact that my mom and husband was constantly encouraging me while rubbing my back and giving sips of Energade. An hour later our son was born. My husband and I were totally in awe of the whole process and the fact was that I was in control all the time.

I believe that woman should be given the choice on what kind of birth they want. I just love the whole holistic approach to birth as oppose to it being so clinical. We are also lucky now in Gauteng to have a birthing centre like Genesis where woman are given that choice. This centre was opened by clients of Growth Spurt when the thinking at Linkwood had changed and they gave preference to Caesars than natural births. Genesis is amazing facility and very homely.

Tips for Labour

1. Read and research everything that you can on the labour you are choosing whether waterbirth, elective ceasar etc. People are more relaxed when they know what it is coming.
2. Aquaint yourself with other options.
3. Be flexible when it comes to labour. Be prepared for the unexpected.
4. Pain is linked to stress and anxiety and it’s more intense when you are frightened.
5. Get someone whom you trust like a husband, mother and sister to be a birth partner. When you are in labour you need to trust the people you have chosen to help you. With them you can find ways of working with your body during contractions. Your body will then release endorphins (a natural morphine like hormone) to help you cope with the pain.
6. Co-operate to the fullest PUSH when you are instructed and PANT when you have to wait.
7. Stay calm between contractions, take small sips of water and refocus your energy into the next contraction.
8. With the right midwife, and confidence in the pre-birth classes, a woman can give birth naturally provided there are no medical reasons why not, and as a mother, my experience is something I would never wish to have taken away from me, even though the experience of labor was hard. What made the whole experience positive was seeing the end result and knowing that by natural childbirth, I had done all I could to bring a healthy and happy baby into the world.

A big thank you to Fatima for kindly sharing her experiences with us

Moulana Moosa Olgar: Pregnancy

Pregnancy
by Moulana Moosa ibn Ahmad Olgar, extract: Upbringing of Children

After some time has elapsed, the couple desire that Allah Taa’la bless them with a child and thus through marital consummation Allah Taa’la grants their wish. The first stage that follows is that of pregnancy. A person should not be ashamed of being pregnant or treat it as a big burden, as there are many beautiful virtues and rewards for being pregnant.
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr.”
It is mentioned in another Hadith that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Does it not please you (O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in ibaadat. When her labour pains commence the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk, and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them.”
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “A woman from her pregnancy till the time of weaning her child is like one protecting the boundaries of the Islamic state. If she passes away during this period she attains the reward of martyrdom.”
In another Hadith it is mentioned that, “The woman who dies of labour pains is regarded as a martyr (shaheedah).”
A woman should therefore gladly bear these difficulties patiently and calmly as she will be highly rewarded.
Hazrat Mail bin Yasaar (radiyallahu anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Marry such women who are loving and produce children (in abundance) because (on the day of Qiyaamah) I will vie with other Ummats and be proud of your numbers.”
In another Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Even the miscarried foetus will drag its mother towards Jannat if she exercised patience with the hope of acquiring reward.”
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “When the woman breast feeds then on every gulp of milk the child receives, the reward is as though she has granted life to a being and when she weans her child, then the angels pat her on her back saying: CONGRATULATIONS! all your past sins have been forgiven, now start all over again.”
[By sins is intended the minor sins, this is also a great reward.]

DAYS OF PREGNANCY
During this time, great care and precautions should be adopted. During this stage, any physical weaknesses affect the growth of the child. In the early days of pregnancy, constipation should be avoided as there is a fear of miscarriage. Constipation is a fairly common complaint during pregnancy. Stimulant laxatives should be avoided in pregnancy and while breast-feeding. Similarly diarrhoea should be avoided as this can make her weak and at times can result in a miscarriage.
During this period nausea, vomiting and discomposure is experienced. This induces a desire for sour and salty foods. Some women have a sudden craving for black soil and soap etc. Caution should be taken that no such items are consumed which are detrimental to the health. Also extremely bitter and spicy foods should be avoided. During pregnancy simple foods should be eaten that assist in digestion.
If during the days of pregnancy any sickness befalls you, then immediate treatment should be given and the doctor should be told of your pregnancy. One should not feel ashamed of being pregnant. Those women who have their first pregnancy are ashamed to tell their in-laws and relatives and as a result they suffer.
The pregnant woman should remember that giving birth to a normal child does not lead to so much of weakness as in the case of a miscarriage. Therefore if one has a miscarriage, full precautions should be taken or else this weakness will affect her for the rest of her life.
During the early days of pregnancy, very heavy things should not be carried or lifted. Likewise jumping from a high place, hopping, running or any form of physical (pain) strain should be prevented as this may cause excessive bleeding or even a miscarriage.
The Islamic education of the child starts when the child is still in the womb of the mother. This is through the thoughts that she carries in those days, by the feelings that she has, by the kind of books that she reads, by the kind of company that she keeps and by the kind of things that she hears.
During pregnancy frightening pictures of deformed children or animals should not be seen. One should look at beautiful children, flowers and should smell beautiful fragrances.
Also during pregnancy reading evil books, having evil thoughts, bad intentions, practising of bad habits and doing sinful works should be avoided or else there is a fear that these evils may effect the unborn child later on. All these have an effect on the unborn child because the mother’s nervous system is affecting all the systems of the baby. Although the baby has its own independent systems, remember it is the mother’s womb that is carrying the baby and that the baby is being affected by whatever she is thinking, feeling, reading and listening to. It is better and advisable for the mother to keep good company, to read good books (the Quraan Shareef should be read in abundance) and to be at such places where she hears the words of Allah and about our DEEN. It is important to have good feelings, good thoughts and not to carry grudges, have fear of something or be unduly worried about something. One should always remain calm and happy and should not be allowed to be over concerned and allow oneself to be overtaken by grief. The thoughts that you generate within yourself will influence the kind of disposition the child will have. If you are sad and miserable the child will be equally affected. So remember the environment prior to the child’s birth is as important as the environment he is born into.

WHAT TO READ DURING PREGNANCY
During the days of pregnancy, duas for the protection from calamities should be read in abundance. Also the performance of Salaat regularly is a protection from calamities. The following duas and surahs should be read in abundance during pregnancy:
A’oodhu bikalimmatillaahit taammmaati min sharri maa khalaqa
I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from the evil of that which He has created.
Hasbunallaahu wa ni’imal wakeel
Allah suffices us and He is the best guardian
Inniy u’eedhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatahaa minas shaytaanir rajeem
And I command her and her offspring to Thy protection, from the evil one, the rejected.
Aayatul Kursi, surah Yaseen, surah Maryam, surah Yusuf and surah Muhammad
Also it is mentioned that Hazrat Fatima (radiyallahu anha) reports that when it was time for her to deliver her child, “Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) sent Umme Salma (radiyallahu anha) and Hazrat Zainab (radiyallahu anha) to me with the instruction that they read Aayatul Kursi, surah Al-Falaq and An-naas and the following verse for easy delivery:
Inna rabbakumullaahul ladhiy khalaqas samaawaati wal ardha fiy sittati ayyaamin thumma-stawaa alal arsh, yughshiyl llaylan nahaara wa yatlubuhoo hatheethan was shamsa wal qamara wan nujooma musakh-kharaatim bi amrihi. Alaa lahul khalqu wal amru, tabaaraka llaahu rabbul aalameen. Ud’oo rabbakum tadharru’an wa khufyatan, innahoo laa yuhibbul mu’tadeen.” Surah Al-A’raf (7:54,55)
If a woman has difficulty during childbirth, the following should be written on paper, wrapped in a piece of white cloth and tied around her left thigh. Insha-Allah it will ease the birth.
Also Aayatul Kursi and the two Ayats from surah Al-A’raf (7: 54,55) are to be recited near the woman in throes of birth. Surah Al-Falaq and An-Naas are also to be read and thereafter blown on her.

CERTAIN BEAUTIFUL NAMES OF ALLAH TO BE READ BEFORE AND DURING PREGNANCY
Yaa waahidul ahad, The ONE Un-Equalled
Anyone desiring good and pious children should inscribe this ism on paper, or cloth and keep it with him at all times.
Yaa awwalu, The First.
Anyone desirous of male children should say this ism 40 times daily for 40 days. His needs will soon be fulfilled. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa mubdi-u, The Originator
Anyone who, while placing his hand on the stomach of his pregnant wife, repeats this ism 99 times at the time of sehri, neither will she have a miscarriage nor will she give birth prematurely. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa barru, The Good.
Anyone who reads this ism 7 times and blows on his child soon after birth, Allah will grant the child protection from calamities until puberty. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa baari-u, One Who Gives Life.
If a barren woman fasts for 7days and each day, after making Iftaar with water, reads this ism 21 times Allah will grant her male children. (Insha-Allah)
Yaa musawwiru, Fashioner of Shapes.
If a barren woman fasts and each day, after making Iftaar with water read this ism 21 times Allah will grant her male children. (Insha-Allah
Yaa naafi-u, One Who Confers Benefits.
If this ism is said prior to having intercourse, Allah will grant him good and pious children. (Insha-Allah)

FASTING DURING PREGNANCY
If the pregnant woman is certain or almost certain that if she fasts the foetus will be harmed or she herself will be harmed, she is then permitted not to observe the fasts.
If a woman comes to know after having had the intention of the fast that she is pregnant and she is almost certain that fasting would be harmful for her, she is then permitted to break the fast and observe it on another day without expiation.

WHAT TO EAT DURING PREGNANCY
During the days of pregnancy good and pure foods are essential for the health of the child. But excess of healthy foods and fruits and too much of resting causes the weight of the child to increase due to which delivery becomes difficult. Therefore excess of healthy foods should not be consumed, nor should there be too much of resting. A little bit of work should be done.
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “If a woman eats sweet melon, she will give birth to a handsome and pretty child.”
It is interesting to note that an intelligent child is born when a pregnant woman eats beans. Also it increases the mother’s milk.
During the days of pregnancy by eating coconut and sugar candy, it lessens the amount of vomiting. There is easiness at the time of the birth of the child. Also on the body of the child there would be no heat rashes and the child will be fair and pure (skin) and the child will be born healthy. (Insha-Allah)
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has emphasised the importance of dates and their effectiveness in the growth of the foetus. He (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) recommended that they be given to women. Sayyidah Maryam (alayhas salaam) had dates as her food during her confinement and labour. Experiments have shown that dates contain stimulants which strengthen the muscles of the uterus in the last months of pregnancy. This helps the dilation of the uterus at the time of delivery on one hand and reduces the bleeding after delivery on the other. Dates enrich the breast milk with all the elements needed to make the child healthy and resistant to disease. Modern Science has proved that dates are a part of a healthy diet. They contain sugar, fat and proteins as well as important vitamins. They are also rich in natural fibres. Medical research has proven that they are effective in preventing stomach cancer. Dates also surpass other fruit in sheer variety of their constituents. They contain oil, Calcium, Sulphur, Iron, Potassium, Phosphorous, Manganese, Copper and Megnesium. In other words, one date is a mini-mine of a balanced and healthy diet.
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said that bitter orange (grapefruit) is a cure for all illnesses. Also, it increases the milk in the mother’s breast.

http://www.beautifulislam.net/family/pregnancy.htm

Parent24: Home or hospital?

More and more women are opting for home births assisted by midwives. What are the advantages of having a home birth?

Home birth

• The woman may feel more in control as she is in her own environment
• She has more privacy
• She will be assisted by the midwife of her choice
• It is cost-effective
• It can be a more relaxed and peaceful atmosphere
• There is no unnecessary intervention
• A woman may use natural ways of relieving pain
• She can have as many people present as she wishes to
• She is never separated from the baby
• There is less distraction
• An episiotomy can be avoided
• Birth is seen as a natural process rather than a “medical” event
• Older children don’t have to deal with the absence of their parents

Make sure that you are assisted by an experienced, qualified nurse/midwife or by a qualified physician. In case of a medical emergency, you should be within 20 minutes of the nearest hospital.

According to Dr Martin Puzey, Gynaecologist, a woman should be cleared as being a low risk case for home birth by her gynaecologist. “People tend to forget that giving birth is a very dangerous process and is a time in a woman’s life when things can go seriously wrong,” he says. “Many years ago, the first thing a father asked of the delivering doctor after the birth was ‘how’s my wife … did she survive the birth?’. If a woman has a high risk pregnancy, she should examine her alternatives.”

Hospital birth

You may want to consider the following advantages of a hospital birth:

• The baby can be delivered by an obstetrician
• There are different pain relief options available
• Hospitals are well equipped in case of emergency
• Breastfeeding clinics or lactation consultants are available in most hospitals

Would you opt for a hospital or a home birth? What influences your choice the most?

Source: http://www.parent24.com/Content/Baby/birth/132/b32d800a66d442759043d8f80165f1aa/16-02-2009-11-29/Home_or_hospital

Parent24: Is Vicks OK for babies?

Vicks VapoRub can sometimes cause breathing problems in infants.

Julie Steenhuysen
Pic: iStockphoto.com

Vicks VapoRub can cause respiratory distress in children under 2 when inappropriately applied directly under the nose, U.S. researchers have said.

They said using the Procter & Gamble Co (PG.N) product in this way can cause a young child’s tiny airways to swell and fill with mucus, triggering severe breathing problems.

“The only problem we’ve seen is in a small child when it has been put under the nose,” Dr. Bruce Rubin of Wake Forest University School of Medicine in North Carolina, said in a telephone interview.

Rubin said the ingredients in Vicks can be irritants, causing the body to produce more mucus to protect the airway. And since infants and young children have airways that are much narrower than those of an adult, any increase in mucus or swelling can narrow them severely.

“The company is really clear it should never go under the nose or in the nose for anybody and it shouldn’t be used in children under 2,” said Rubin, whose study appears in the journal Chest.

While the researchers only tested the Vicks product, Rubin said similar products, including generic versions, could cause the same negative effects in infants and toddlers.

Rubin and his colleagues began looking at use of the medication after treating an 18-month-old girl who developed respiratory distress after the salve was put under her nose.

They studied ferrets, which have an airway anatomy similar to humans. In the animals with a chest infection, the product increased mucus secretion and decreased the animal’s ability to clear mucus.

“We were able to document changes that we think explain this,” Rubin said.

David Bernens, a spokesman for P&G, said the finding came as a surprise. “Vicks VapoRub has been proven safe and effective through multiple clinical trials. It has been in the market for over 100 years,” Bernens said, noting that the label says the product should not be used in children under age 2 without a doctor’s advice, and not under the nose.

“We warn people not to do that,” he said.

Since the initial episode, emergency doctors at the medical center have begun asking all parents of children in respiratory distress if they used the Vicks product in a similar way and they have seen two more cases, Rubin said.

“I recommend never putting Vicks in, or under, the nose of anybody — adult or child,” Rubin said in a statement, adding that he would never use it in a child under age 2.

Dr. James Mathers, president of the American College of Chest Physicians, said in a statement that parents should consult their doctor before giving any over-the-counter medication to infants and young children, particularly cough and cold medications, which can be harmful.

Have you used Vicks on a baby? Did it help or make things worse?

Source: Parent24.com

Tibb: THE BEST FOR YOUR BABY!

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. There is something deeper, infinite and more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and laughs because it sees the sun.

Vincent Van Gogh

There is nothing more wondrous than a newborn baby. Babies invoke in us a sense that the future is a blank canvas just waiting to be filled. They leave us with an inherent desire to protect and care. Above all, we learn from the innocence of a baby to love unconditionally.

With the arrival of a little one comes great responsibility. Throughout pregnancy, and from the first breath drawn, we want only the best for this little person that has been given to us as a gift from the Almighty. But what exactly does the best care for your baby mean? And specifically with regards to healthcare, how does one make the most of the first and most important year of one’s baby’s life to ensure a healthy, happy and bright future?

Most parents have an amazing sixth sense when it comes to their children. The best advice, especially for new moms is to believe in yourself and trust your instincts. Of course, sometimes even nature needs a little nurture, and there is a great deal that you can do, simply and practically to make the first year less about sleepless nights, colic and teething, and more about smiles and milestones which abound fruitfully throughout this crucial time of your baby’s life.

Tibb regards infancy as the most important phase in the cycle of life . It is a time of constant development and as such, we need lay the best possible foundation for our children’s future mental, physical and emotional well-being. If you are familiar with our previous articles, you will know that Tibb philosophy deals considerably with the concept of Temperament. Temperament relates to the combination of heat, moisture, dryness or coldness in an individual. With regards to the life cycle, Temperaments is also affected by the different phases of growth and maturity. We start life with an excess of moisture (common sense since we spend nine months surrounded by water), and as we age we slowly become drier, so that in old age most people are predisposed to illnesses with dry qualities.

In her book, ‘Sister Lilian’s Babycare Companion’ , renowned midwife, Sister Lilian, states, “Excess mucous underlies most of the minor and even some serious common childhood complaints that many infants are prone to.” This is in line with Tibb’s view on childhood and temperament. Some of the most common causes of excess mucous at this stage are:

Sensitivity to formula milk. Where possible, remember that breast is best, especially in the first year of life!

Too much dairy and grain products in mom’s diet. Whilst there are no hard and fast rules regarding what you eat, certain foods do tend to aggravate baby’s tender tummy. It is advisable to watch out for telltale signs every time you introduce something new to your diet. Look to the wisdom of mothers, sisters and grandmothers. There are always some truths in old wives tales.

Too much mucous in baby’s system can sometimes result in colic and winds. Try adding a few drops of dill to baby’s bath or in a water/honey mixture. Tibb’s Bonnycare, which contains dill, is fast gaining reputation as one of the best remedies for stomach cramps in babies.

Climate is also important in the first year of life. Babies need to be kept out of extreme weather conditions. Cold, and overly dry environments, in particular, enhance mucous conditions. Winter especially, tends to aggravate blocked, stuffy noses and chest conditions. As such, precautions should be taken. Remember, you are the first line of defense.

Unduly early introduction of baby cereal in an attempt to get baby to sleep better at night. Even though baby may have gained adequate weight, the digestive system takes longer to mature and is often only ready to tolerate solids after five months, so please be patient.

Together with diet and environment, another important aspect of an infant’s physical and emotional growth, is the art of touch. Babies’ love being close and take comfort in being gently rocked. They often sleep best when lying close to mom. A wonderful way in which you can connect with your baby is through massage. Interestingly, though baby massage has recently been gaining popularity in the west, it has actually been a part of Indian culture for hundreds of years.   Be sure to read about massage techniques and the use of Aromatherapy oils for illnesses and health promotion in next month’s article.

Parenting is hard work, but the rewards are well worth it. Remember that a healthy baby is a happy baby…but more than that,     A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.

Source: Ibn Sina Institute of Tibb

The Virtues of Pregnancy

• When a woman is pregnant with a child, all the angels will make Istighfar (repentance) on her behalf. Allah SWT will, for each day of her pregnancy, write for her 1000 good deeds and erase from her 1000 bad deeds.

• When a pregnant woman starts to feel the pain from contractions, Allah SWT will write in her records as someone who is doing jihad (spiritual or physical struggle) in His path.

• When a woman becomes pregnant by her husband and he is pleased with her, she obtains the reward of a person engaging in fasting for Allah SWT and a person spending the night in ibaadah (worship).

• A woman from the time of pregnancy until childbirth and weaning the baby, is like the Mujahid (someone fighting in the path of Allah, swa) who is stationed on the frontiers of the Islamic land. If she dies during this period, she dies the death of a shahid (martyr).

• Two raka’at salaat performed by a pregnant woman is better than 80 raka’at salaat performed by a non-pregnant woman.

• A woman who is pregnant gets the reward of fasting during the day and of doing ibaadah (worship) during the nights.

• A woman who gives birth gets the reward of 70 years of salaat (prayer) and fasting. For each vein that feels pain, Allah SWT gives her the reward of one accepted hajj (Pilgrimage to Makkah).

• If the woman dies within 40 days of giving birth, she will die as a shahid (matyr).

(Hadith)…….”A woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr”

Nabi(salalaallahu alayhi wassallam) is reported to have also said “…….When her labour pains commence, the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child, then she will be granted a reword for every gulp of milk, if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of the child, she will receive the reword of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah Ta’ala. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, with a delicate nature yet obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them”

Source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah via Toronto Shariah Program [shariahprogram.ca]

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