Let the Child be a Child

By Mohammed Khalfan of Dar el Salaam, Tanzania

A child was visited at home by his friend. That night the child declined to sleep in his room. He insisted on joining the parents in their bedroom. The fear was triggered when the friend asked the child if he was afraid to sleep so close to a window when ghosts and spirits peep directly into the room.

The tactful approach to the situation should have been for the parents to accede to what the child had pleaded for, at least, for that night knowing that such fears wear off or become much less the next day. Instead they thought it a good opportunity to enforce the parental discipline over the child so that he abandons what was perceived as a sissy trait.

The child was restless that night because he was a human child, and if only the parents knew that! The father’s argument kept ringing in his ears: “why believe in a ghost or spirit when you have seen none and will see none of them ever in your life?” and he would ask himself: yes, why?

The child was betraying nothing more than a simple natural fear of the Unseen, because he, as human, has been created with a nature which readily believes in the Unseen – that Unseen which includes Allah, Angels, Jinns and Shaitan. No wonder the fundamental teaching in Islam is Iman bil Ghaib that is, the Belief in the Unseen.

The subject of Al-Ghaib reveals one thoughtful aspect for discussion here: fear! It is a part of the instinct for self-preservation or survival. It is not something that a child should be made ashamed of. In fact, manifestation of fear is a welcome sign of a mental normalcy in him.

To ask the child to banish fear is like asking him to banish his human instinct. A good authority on the natural aspect of fear in the children states:

Another characteristic of the child’s personality is the presence of many fears. These fears result from uncertainty combined with easy recourse to imagination. The imagination runs toward superlatives, and when a child indulges in fantasy, things are either very attractive or very threatening.

We can ascribe a reason for this in the context of Islam: imagination by the child or his fantasy is a phase of manifestation of his attempt at perceiving things which are and remain Unseen. The child’s negative fear of an unseen being like a ghost or spirit indicates one important thing – the existence of the natural positive capacity for submission to his Creator – in the realm of the Unseen. It is a manifestation of Al Iman bil Ghaib.

So let the child be a child, because treating him as an adult will not turn him into an adult before his time!

May Allah help us relate to our children as Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) related with his grandsons. May He help us treat them mercifully when they need affection and firmly when they need discipline.

Reprinted from the IslamiCity bulletin

Source: Zawaj.com

Discipline

Why is “No” his favourite word?

DEALING WITH NEGATIVISM
Your baby’s negativism (saying “no” all the time, running away, throwing things, and so on) has probably surged lately. This affects feeding, sleeping, playing, teasing – all the areas of important communication between parents and child. He is actively testing his limits thanks to his new-found mobility, awareness that people and objects have permanence, and heightened ability to manipulate and control toys and his environment. Tantrums are common at this age, along with other types of openly negative, provocative behaviour. Discipline, then, becomes a critical part of your role as parents in the second year. Again, be consistent in your rules and turn away when you get very angry.

Planning your long-term discipline strategies

A LONG-TERM GOAL
As your child starts testing you and the limits you’ve set, remember that discipline means teaching, not punishment. Discipline is a long-term goal, and your goal is to teach your child to limit himself. What you do at any one time isn’t the issue. It’s being consistent and imposing limits wisely, when they really matter, that count.

Parenting classes

BACK TO SCHOOL
If you haven’t already, you might think about taking a parenting class on discipline. In some areas these are provided by health visitors or parenting organisations. It’s important to get some information on this topic and to discuss with your partner how you plan to set limits. You may be surprised at the different views you have on this topic, so try to agree on an approach as soon as possible. Spouses who feel similarly about most things may find that they have very different ideas about disciplining their children. Sit down and discuss various approaches. Consistency is the most important thing for your child. If you cannot agree, how can he know how to behave well for both of you? Ask your health care provider for some suggestions on local parenting programs if you think you could benefit from them.

FYI:
It’s also a good idea to get some advice on babies’ sleep patterns, behaviour management or choosing day-care. Classes are sometimes available through the community colleges, from your health visitors or parenting organisations. Your health visitor or your GP as well as other mothers are the people to ask. Meeting other families can be another real plus of taking these classes. You and your child should have a community of people who can provide the emotional and practical support you’ll need as parents.

Tips
Moments to treasure
When you want to treat your child to a fun activity, put your stale bread to good use and go and feed the ducks. Take a trip to a nearby lake or pond to see where the ducks live, and bring along a picnic for the two of you while you’re at it.

The above post is courtesy of the Pampers Newsletter for children aged 12-24 months.