Breastfeeding Support – Why is it important?

Agree or Disagree

1. In the 1st month (early days), we know that the milk is not enough because the baby keeps crying and giving a “top up” bottle of formula after a breast feed is a safer option.

2. Formula milk has become so advanced that there is almost no difference between breast milk and formula milk.

3. There are few benefits breastfeeding a child older than 6 months and so solids must be the main source of the child’s nutrition.

4. Which of the following are examples of exclusive breastfeeding?
A. A baby receiving breast milk but sometimes gets some water to drink.
B. A baby drinking only breast milk but gets 1 bottle of formula only when mom goes out for a few hours.
C. A baby drinking only breast milk but sometimes uses a dummy.
D. A baby drinking only breast milk but is taking multivitamins and iron drops given by the paediatrician.
E. A baby who is wet-nursed while the mother is at work and then continues breastfeeding from his own mother.

5. I should exclusively breastfeed until my baby is 4 months old and then start a good quality formula milk to ensure better health.

6. I should exclusively breastfeed my baby for 4 months and then start a good rice cereal to ensure better health.

7. Majority of mothers experience difficulty breastfeeding in the early days.

8. It is useful to use the dummy sometimes, especially in the early days to give the new mother an opportunity to rest.

9. When a mother has to return to work, it is important to get the baby used to a bottle early as only 1 or 2 bottles of formula milk per day will not affect the breastfeeding or make the baby ill.

10. My breasts havn’t started leaking in my last month of pregnancy so I must keep a starter formula tin ready as Iwill not have enough milk.

11. It is important for the child to sleep alone in the cot most times as it is safer than sleeping with the baby.

12. “Nipple confusion” is a myth – that means it doesn’t really happen.

13. Allowing the baby to fall asleep at the breast is the most easy, efficient and stress free method of putting the baby to sleep.

Answers

ONLY 2 of the Agree/Disagree Questions 7 & 13) are TRUE.
MCQ Question 4 : D & E are TRUE.
The REST are FALSE.
Empower yourself with the correct information for yourselves, your daughters, your sisters or your friends!

Masjidul Quba (Northpine) Breastfeeding & Parenting Classes
Dr Shabana Kauchali-Taleb.
o Tel: 021 913 7024
o Cell: 082 711 5771
o shabana@online-gp.com
o www.online-gp.com

When?
o Once a month.
o Every 2nd Friday of the Month.
o Immediately after Asr Salah.

 

What is it about?

How much does it Cost?
FREE

Who should attend?
o Mothers.
o Fathers
o Their children.
o Pregnant women & their husbands.
o Grandmothers.
o Teenage Daughters AND Sons.
o Doctors (Accredited for CPD points).
o Nurses.
o Breastfeeding counsellors Etc.

Why have such an education Class?
o It is an Islamic Obligation (FARDH) for ALL males and FEMALES to be educated.
o Most mothers think they know how to feed their children correctly -few do, MOST don’t.
o As a result of “not knowing” about 1,5 MILLION children are dying worldwide because of inadequate breastfeeding.
o Topics on correct parenting particularly BREASTFEEDING are not taught to doctors and nurses at some medical schools.
o The time in a doctor’s room is not enough to explain all the facts.
o True Knowledge shouldn’t cost money – it should be FREE.
o Empowering our women to be well informed – to make an INFORMED DECISION. “Know the facts – make your choice”.

o NB// Highest rates of breastfeeding are seen in the White, Middle-Upper Income, Married Women because they are EDUCATED and have understood their roles as women in society.

• Where do I get my information from?

• Al-Quran
• Ahadith
  The Prophet Muhammad (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) once said,:
  o “Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother.”
  (Ahmad, Nasai).
  o A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle!
  Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The
  Prophet said, “Your mother.”
  The man said. “Who is next?”
  The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man further said,
  “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your father.”
  Narrated by Abu Huraira
• Holy Bible
• World Health Organisations
• Perinatal Education Programme
• Dr Jack Newman
• Dr Thomas Hale
• Many others
  o Unicef
  o IBFAN
  o INFACT Canada
  o La Leche League International
  o IBCLC
  o WABA
  o Dr Seers MD
• The Translation of Noble Qur’an –
  Chapter 2 (The Cow) Verse 233
  The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years,
  (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of
  suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the
  mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall
  have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, nor father on account of his child. And on the (father’s) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them. And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on reasonable basis. And fear Allah and know that Allah is All-Seer of what you do.

Shukran to Dr Taleb for providing us with her Powerpoint Presentation which is adapted in this post.

ABC’S AND 123’S: EDUCATING MUSLIM CHILDREN IN THE WEST

by Sana Khan

Uncertainty: The Dilemma of Muslim Parents

Alphabets, numbers in Arabic, English and Urdu, colors, shapes, body parts etc. Is it wrong of me to think about schooling for my one year old daughter? Prior to getting married my significant other and I made it a point to discuss the topic of educating our future children as any young couple would. In hopes of sharing similar thoughts based on personal experiences we found ourselves hitting a dead end so to speak with regards to how we would want our children to be schooled. Now with our first toddler running around we find ourselves scrambling to teach her the best that we can. SubhanAllah, the blessings of Allah SWT are clear in the way our daughter imitates us, struggles to pronounce words, and gets into trouble to appease her curiosity. Children are sponges and their little hearts and minds soak in what they see, hear and experience. As a mother, the best thing about this whole learning phase is that I am the one honored with welcoming her into this world and teaching her whatever good I can about it. However, the worst thing about it is the constant state of worry my heart and mind will be in as she steps out of the safety of our home and experiences situations where she will have to put into practice all that I have taught her. That will be the ultimate judge of my upbringing and that thought alone has me fearful of her ever leaving my side.

This is the reality of many Muslim parents, both in Muslim and non Muslim countries. Children are raised in homes with or without parents and proper care from them. They go on to be contributing members of their societies and their contribution solely lies on their upbringing of which education is a major factor. In the west for many Muslim parents there is an on going debate between the various schooling options that parents have: public, private non Islamic, private Islamic and home schooling. Muslim children make up a great percentage of all of these schools and ultimately each comes out with a unique personality as a result of what they are taught.

A is for Allah: Education in Islam

“The educational philosophy of Islam is based on a simultaneous dual policy of “Ta’aleem” and “Tarbi’yaah”. The first one is the basic acquisition of knowledge and skills within a human mind and body, whereas the second one is the practical nurturing of the acquired knowledge and skills so as to nourish the personality of the individual. This in turn will lay down the foundation of grooming the person in order to mould the desired personality, according to the parameters of Quran and Sunnah. Thus we carve out an individual with his/her uniqueness in characteristics and features as a result of this dual policy,” shares Imam Jawad Ahmad, Islamic Studies teacher at Al Ghazaly Islamic High School in New Jersey and 877-Why-Islam Hotline Coordinator. For a Muslim the process of education comes full circle, it is a journey that begins and ends at home. This process factors in the time the child spends in an educational institution but does not solely leave it to said institution to fulfill all of his or her educational needs.

“When children are taught to think of home as their base of learning and the world as their classroom, they are motivated to learn year round, from a rich variety of sources. Instead of artificially separating subjects into different periods throughout the day, I wanted my children to get a truly interdisciplinary education, from real-life experiences. Children are all individuals, with their own unique styles of learning. The one- size- fits- all approach to schooling does not work for everyone. Alhumdolillah I realized that there are other options on educating our children today than there were ten years ago,” points out Mariam Junaid* mother of four children from which three are currently home schooled. I always knew that I would be the mother who played a key role in my child’s life; not necessarily an overbearing role but rather one where I can help her make the best decision for herself during important situations. So I began to think of home schooling my little one, but with no experience whatsoever and being both public schooled until college my husband and I stared blankly at one another in hope to see a ray of optimism in our current decision.

Public, Private and Home: Where Should One Start?

“True knowledge potential exists in the west due to overwhelming resources at our disposal, which can transform this knowledge into power for the individual such that it equips them with a vision that broadens their horizon and scope of activity in this world,” shares Imam Jawad. The key word here is: resources. The educational system in the west is overflowing with resources utilized in the classroom. These resources however are not limited to the actual learning environment. Instead, the World Wide Web has become a stepping stone for teachers, students and parents to tap into the wide array of tools that exist online. Muslim parents are raising their children in a society that provides educational toys for infants up until they are adults, along with the availability of utilizing technological devices at home such as computers and phones as key learning tools. But the question remains, with all these opportunities to learn at one’s finger tips what option is the best?

As a nervous parent hoping for the best for her child my search for providing a proper education had me discussing this concern with various parents, teachers and educational leaders within community. This dialogue led to the various possibilities that await both my daughter and I when we take our first steps towards actualizing our vision of education. “Before we ever embark upon any journey, we know that it is not going to be without challenges. While there are going to be unique challenges that every family will go through, some of the most common challenges include a lot of dedication, patience and time from my end. But I must say the results are beautiful and worthless Alhumdolillah,” states Mariam Junaid. Dedication, patience and time, are some of the most important factors in not only raising children but also educating them. It is with certainty for parents, whose children are attending the various types of educational institutions, that their role in the education process is key in producing the fruits of their child’s labor. Along with this positive reinforcement, awareness of their child’s needs and passion, as well as the difficulties in expression or subjects are all areas that require none other than parental involvement.

In my search for the best institution there was one flaw that I failed to recognize prior to embarking on this difficult task: each and every individual will support their avenue of education despite the positives and negatives for in the end it was that institution which shaped their personality. So at the end of the day, as I sit and watch my daughter read a book out loud to herself and be the only one to understand her gibberish, it was ultimately the decision of my husband and myself to sift through what we learn from this dialogue and make constant dua that our child be guided towards what is good.

Home Schooling: A New Road for Parents

“The society that we live in unfortunately gives us the impression that every thing has to be institutionalized and we are forced not to look beyond these boundaries set for us in the society we live in,” highlights Mariam. Home schooling is an up and rising trend amongst many parents in the west, both Muslim and non Muslim. The factors that lead to such a decision are the violent crimes in public schools, acceptance of immoral behavior in public school (clothing, language and gender interaction), and financial disability in enrolling in a private school. Such factors add to the increase in mothers putting their careers on hold to raise their children in the safety of their homes. But many argue that doing so can be detrimental to the upbringing of the child.

Having my daughter home with me would be the ideal situation, but would that mean I would be taking away from her complete learning experience? As a mother who was blessed to be brought up with an education that possessed unlimited resources I did not want to restrict my child from doing the same.

“Home schooling provides a highly enriching environment for brain development because of custom tailored curricula/syllabi for individual student. As well as full growth potential for the child, basically the sky is the limit! However, this may serve as a lack of socializing environment for the child, which can lead to an eccentric introvert personality unless proper measures taken,” advises Imam Jawad. Socializing is a recurring point in the arguments made against home schooling. The educational resources without a doubt are readily available in bookstores, online, libraries and home schooling networks, but what does one do about interaction?

“We want our children to be thinkers rather than mere parrots of other children’s thoughts. The more independent and self-directed they are going to be in their values and skills; they will largely avoid peer dependency. As a researcher (Holt) pointed out, human beings tend to behave worse in large groups. As a result, children in school learn to be cliquish, conformist, bullying and teasing. Human virtues like kindness, patience, and generosity are best learned in intimate relationships, such as those within the family.

My children have a full social life without school. They joined activities such as soccer, baseball, tennis and countless other group activities and one prevailing above all these is memorizing Qur’ān,” shares Mariam. This point alone made me think about the Muslim youth of today. Would there exist an identity crisis if they were able to grow up without the influences of another child’s thought?

Public vs. Private School: Not an Easy Choice

As Muslim Americans are increasing in numbers so too are the masajid and full time Islamic schools that become their first project. Young Muslim professionals who are having tremendous difficulty in finding jobs often accept teaching positions in Islamic Schools as an alternative until they get a break in the professional world. As a result many schools are steering away from the normal housewife teacher and more towards individuals who can relate to the issues of children being raised in this society.

“Islamic schools provide a healthy environment, are conducive to nurturing kids in Islamic moral values, and provide an enrichment of young minds. Unfortunately, many have very high tuition rates therefore making it unaffordable for many and more importantly sub-standard teaching at times due to lack of resources,” share Imam Jawad. Sadly, this is the case for a majority of Islamic schools in the west. With many making their own way towards this uphill struggle of providing the best, the price tag the comes with it becomes burdensome for most. Islamic schools must factor in each and every expense unless certified to receive government grants. Since many are not or do not know how to become certified they in turn have to charge the community through endless fundraisings and the parents through increased tuition in order to stay afloat. Furthermore, resources besides what is online become limited and outdated which limits the potential growth of students unless parents are making the extra effort at home.

Nevertheless, a fulltime Islamic school serves as an institution to instill within the child morals and values that public school simply are not allowed to. Many parents breathe a sigh of relief knowing that their child is being taught about Islam along with other subjects and teachings. However, do parents have to give up their opportunity to raise their child free of cost and with unlimited resources merely on the fear that they will be unable to maintain their child’s Islamic identity if enrolled in a public school?

“Public school provides the aptitude for enhancement of personal skills provided the child circumvents the liabilities of environment,” highlights Imam Jawad. The reminder here is to steer clear of the liabilities of this schooling environment. This thought alone brings many valid fears in the hearts of Muslim parents. With the disorganization seen in some Islamic Schools and the often times unaffordable tuition rates many Muslim parents are hoping to appease their hearts by sending their child to public schools and enrolling them in weekend Islamic schools in order to maintain a balance.

I think of my daughter’s future all the time, in what foods she eats for maintaining her health, in what she wears in ensuring her safety from sicknesses, and in what she learns in hopes of her becoming an empowered Muslimah. As in all walks of life, the decisions of grave importance provide no clear cut answer and require much thought and prayer to be guided towards what is the best for us. There is the recurring thought that the education does begin and end in the home. Furthermore, parents must play an active role in ensuring their child is given his and her right to a proper upbringing. Not only that, but also to provide their child with the best resources one can afford in order to produce well rounded individuals who in turn can be positive members of society. In hopes of raising leaders, parents are advised to interact with their children on a daily basis to understand the desires of their child and to encourage them towards good. Every day is a day to learn something new so let’s get to it.

*In order to maintain the privacy of the sister interview her name has been changed*

http://www.icna.org/family/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=151&Itemid=4

Western Education vs. Muslim Children

by Khadija Anderson

“Understanding Islamic Education” is the title of a tape by Imam Hamza Yusuf that I have been listening to recently. Interestingly, just last week, an article came to me via the internet called “The Impact of Western Hegemony on Muslim Thought” by Prof. Yusuf Progler. First of all, I had to look up “hegemony” in the dictionary. According to the dictionary, it means, “predominance of one state over others”. As I had hoped, the article was a link to understanding the differences between Islamic and Western Education. In both articles, the authors spoke about the contradiction of Western education and Islamic education, the effects of Western education on the Ummah in recent history, and most importantly, the effects on us and the next generation of Muslims, our children.

In my family, this has recently become a predominent topic of study and conversation as my 3 1/2 year old daughter is rapidly becoming the human sponge that Allah Subhanahu wa ta ‘ala created children to be. The important thing about this phenomenon is the way that children learn from watching and imitating what is around them. I did not realize this fully until one day during Maghrib prayer she recited the Fatiha and two other surahs . Just like that. I was pretty surprised and upon coaxing, I found out that she also knew two more surahs and could call the Iqama. Subhana Allah ! The need for formal education for her in another year and a half has led me to investigate different avenues available to us; private Islamic school, homeschooling, or public school.

In Prof. Yusuf Progler’s paper, he warns against Muslims participating in the Western educational system. He says that by using it, one adopts Western assumptions on the nature of existence. “Most Western practices of education have institutionalized (their) one version of what it means to be a human being…Muslims ought to re-evaluate their situation because the Western understanding of existence is quite different than the teachings of Islam. Islam has its own explanation…”

Western colonizers of Muslim countries knew the importance of taking Islam out of the minds of Muslims, and achieved this by secularizing schools and teaching Islam only in an historic context at the end of the school day when the student’s concentration was at its lowest. Results of this can be seen in many immigrant Muslims in America. When someone suggested to an immigrant sister that she should not let her children watch so much TV, and instead, teach them about their deen, she said that only Allah made people Muslims and she prayed that Allah would make her children Muslims. She honestly didn’t understand the concept of educating her children about Islam.

On the internet, a sister raised in a Muslim country was writing about the wonderful freedoms of living in the US. Some Muslims seem to take the influence of an Islamic atmosphere for granted ; adhan being called at each prayer time, modestly dressed people, halal food the norm, everyone greeting with salaams, lack of crime, availability of Qur’anic teachers and people treating one another as brothers and sisters in Islam, as being an influence in their upbringing. The importance of this environment on a young Muslims’s mind can not be replaced by the material advantages of living in a western country. The Western society teaches children by exposure that the norm of society is high crime, alcohol, fornication, high divorce rate, teenage pregnancies, deviant sexual practices, immodest clothing, putting individual desires over societal needs, lack of morals and charity, etc. According to Dr. Shahid Athar in “Sex Education: An Islamic Perspective”, children in America are exposed to 9,000 sexual scenes per year through the media and on television . Even now in public schools children are taught that homosexuality is an acceptable alternative form of family life.

Homeschooling can help Muslim families veer away from Western influences not only physically, but by allowing the family to choose it’s curriculum. There are many Muslim homeschooling resources, and one comprehensive program is ArabesQ Academy which is overseen by writer and educator Umm Sulaiman. She offers many solutions for Muslim families including lesson plans ranging from complete daily plans to monthly overviews. Also offered are on and offline correspondance courses with secular education taught via classic Islamic viewpoints, again with curriculum designed for each families needs.

Another family has fought the battle of raising their children in an Islamic household and then sending them to local public schools. They seemed to be a good example of how the two opposite institutions could coexist. After many years of this apparently good mixture of two worlds, things began to fall apart. The peer pressure of participating in Western culture raises it’s ugly head during the teen years. A typical problem is teenage daughters refusing to wear hijab unless praying or attending Islamic functions.

Prof. Progler also says that “…it’s not enough for Muslims to say that the West is bad without an understanding and development of what may be an alternative. This requires a delicate balance. Imbalance will lead to teaching religion without any understanding of how the modern world is affecting the practice and understanding of religion”. Many Islamic schools in America try to create this balance within their curriculums. The Islamic School of Seattle, for instance, commits to “…provide children with an atmosphere as close to the Islamic ideal as possible…strenghten them to meet and deal effectively with the challenges of living in the modern American society, and…to instill in them a pride in their heritage by enabling them to approach knowledge from an Islamic point of view.”

According to Imam Yusuf in “Understanding Islamic Education”, Arabic has to be a foundation for Islamic education. Knowledge is obtained by first learning the tools of knowledge; language, reasoning and the ability to articulate. The Arabic language has been preserved since the time of the Qur’anic revelations. This allows one to perceive the meanings of the Quran as it was intended and revealed to the people of that time, which is crucial as the Qur’an is not interpreted through conjecture, but through knowledge. That is why The Prophet, may peace be upon him, said that whoever interprets the Qur’an from his own opinion is mistaken, even if he is correct. Also, traditional Islamic education teaches children to memorize the whole Qur’an between the ages of 7 and 9. This, Yusuf says, “…develops a memory in a child that will surpass others in any school system.” From a purely academic point of view, “the idea is to empower a child with the ability to absorb information, as a good deal of learning is based on that ability.”

The next step after Arabic and Qur’an according to Imam Yusuf, is the study of Hadith, followed by fiqh. He then commented that at least one or two people in every family should dedicate themselves to this learning, or we will seriously decrease our knowledge in the future. We need to produce scholars to lead the future ummah. The Prophet, may peace be upon him, said that the two parents of a child who memorizes the whole Qur’an will be given crowns of light on Yauma Qiyauma. Why would we rather teach our children to be engineers or doctors? Imam Yusuf and Prof. Progler both quoted the following hadith in their works: The Prophet, upon whom be peace, walked into a mosque where there was a group of people surrounding a man. The Prophet inquired, “Who is that?” He was told, “That is a very learned man.” The Prophet asked, “What is a learned man?” They told him, “He is the most learned man regarding Arab genealogies, past heroic episodes, the days of Jahiliyyah, and Arabic poetry.” The Prophet said, “That is knowledge whose ignorance does not harm one nor is its possession of any benefit to one .”

We know the history of the Islamic state since the time of the Prophet, may peace be upon him. We have had successes and failures. The Prophet, may peace be upon him, said that the believers are a mirror to each other. It is imperative that we look in the mirror of history and see that the successes were achieved through seeking Allah. To do this, we must ask ourselves some serious questions. What are we living this life for? What do we want to teach our children to live their lives for? To work for Microsoft, or to work for the pleasure of Allah Subhanahu wa t’ala ?

Many warnings about this life are given by Allah throughout the Qur’an, as in surah 31:33; “…Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth, so let not the worldly life delude you and be not decieved about Allah by the Deciever (i.e.,Satan).”

This ayat appears again in surah 35:5. To ignore this would be to participate in the deception of our children. It is our responsibility as parents to give them the education they need in order to not be deluded by this worldly life. What this is ascribing us to is an ideal Islamic life. There are difficulties, but it is our responsibility to build ourselves and our children up to the Islamic excellence that Allah and His Messenger, may peace be upon him, have provided us with the guidance to achieve.

References: “Understanding Islamic Education” and “Elements of Success” by Hamza Yusuf, Alhambra Productions 1-510-713-8724

“The Impact of Western Hegemony on Muslim Thought” by Prof. Yusuf Progler of City University of New York http://www.muslimedia.com/impwest2.htm

“Sex Education: An Islamic Perspective” by Dr. Shahid Athar http://www.Islam-usa.com

ArabesQ Academy PO Box 77132, Seattle, WA 98133, (206)362-0204 http://www.arabesq.com

Islamic School of Seattle 720 25th Ave, Seattle, WA 98122
(206)329-5735

Source: http://www.jannah.org/articles/westernedu.html

Effective Islamic Parenting

The Soul of your child is like an uncut precious jewel entrusted into your care by Allah. To you is given the awesome responsibility of shaping that precious jewel into a beautiful form, pleasing to the eye of Allah. It is your sacred duty to ensure your child grows up to be a good and right human being (Muslim). The oneness (tawhid) of Allah is also expressed in the unity of Islamic life. Raising your children to be good and right human beings is part of the necessary Islamization of world society. The simple fact is that it is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to raise your children to be truly good and right human beings in the world as it is at present.

Only in a fully Islamic world will the conditions exist where children will naturally develop into the good and right humans beings desired by Allah. That is the beautiful future we can offer our children, but to do this we must do battle with the influences of the present wrong world as we create that promised future for our children. We do this by learning the knowledge and skills it takes to be an effective Islamic parent, and developing in our hearts the unstoppable desire to put these skills and knowledge into practice in our everyday life as we aid our children in their development.

We are greatly blessed by Allah to be Muslims at this particular time in world history. The unique social and historical conditions, combined with new the knowledge and technology now available, make it not only possible but highly likely that within a generation or so we will live in that long unfulfilled dream of all Muslims, a truly Islamic world.

These unique conditions existing today are: the fact that the prevailing dominant world culture, the Western culture, is undergoing a widespread social collapse due to the inherent wrongness within its belief systems and behaviours; that the conclusions of modern science have finally reached a point where one must acknowledge science now supports the traditional beliefs in God and His works; that we have recently come to understand the laws of learning by which all human characteristics are developed; and, that we now have a worldwide communication network so effective that any important new idea could reach virtually every person in the world within days.

The result of these existing conditions is that: those suffering from the collapse of the Western way of life and thought are desperate for some solution to their distress and will see in Islam that much needed answer; atheism and secular materialism will lose their power to take the faith in Islam from our youth; through the spread of the knowledge of learning theory each new generation will come closer to the perfect expression of Islam in the physical existence; and, through the right use of communication technology a unified ummah of 1.2 billion Muslims will be able to effectively offer the traditional scholarship and knowledge of Islam to all the people of the world.

In the coming years there will occur many new opportunities for all Muslims to take an active role in the creation of this truly and fully Islamic world of the future. As a most important beginning to this momentous task it is necessary for every Muslim parent to learn and practice the techniques of effective Islamic parenting. The path to effective Islamic parenting consists of two parts, necessarily inseparable. They are an objective, accurate and positive worldview, combined with a good understanding of the laws of learning by which all human characteristics develop. This is necessary because the laws of learning are much too powerful to be used without a clear positive direction in which to influence the child’s development. Islam most certainly provides this clear, correct and positive direction, as Allah would never mislead us.

All laws in this physical universe belong to Allah, and the laws of learning, to the degree we correctly understand them, by which all human development takes place are created by Allah just as are the laws of physics which hold the moon, sun, and stars in place. These laws of learning provide the most powerful tool for directing the development of the individual or any social group that has ever existed. For a Muslim to be a truly effective Islamic parent it is necessary to understand Allah’s laws of learning.

Just as Allah has made our religion easy for us, Allah has made the laws of learning easy for us to understand and use. Actually, these laws of learning in their entirety can be quite complex, and to fully comprehend these laws and understand their widest application can take many years of study. Nevertheless, all thanks to His Mercy, Allah has allowed anyone hearing a brief and simple explanation of these laws of learning to be able to use most of their incredible power. This easily understood knowledge of the laws of learning is more than enough to enable a parent to raise their child as a good and right human being.

It is important that knowledge of these laws of learning and their use should never be seen as somehow separate from the unity of Islamic life. To be most effective in helping you raise your children, these laws of learning are not to be ‘applied’ like some mechanical tool, but they must be incorporated deeply into the innermost reaches of your consciousness until they become a natural part of your unique style of interpersonal communication and interaction with your child.

In order to keep this explanation of the laws of learning both brief and simple it will be presented as a successive series of individual points, but made specific for use in effective Islamic parenting:

GENERAL LAWS OF DEVELOPMENT

1. Most basic premise – That any person or social group who possesses both a positive and accurate world view and an understanding of the laws of learning will move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.
2. An infant child comes into the world perfectly good and only becomes other than perfectly good while growing into adulthood due to the influences upon him/her during their years of development.
3. Human society is obviously not perfectly good at this point in history, in fact our world society has become so bad that some philosophers have made the claim that human nature is basically evil.
4. The reason so much evil exists in today’s world is not because human nature is basically evil, but because the influences we naturally encounter as physical beings in a material world tend most often to direct our development away from Allah.
5. The influences upon us come from three sources in our environment, the physical, the social(any influence coming either directly or indirectly from other people), and from inner speech(the influence of our own thoughts and feelings).
6. Every influence upon a us will have some effect greater than zero; and, while most of these will be very small, some can be so powerful as to be life changing.
7. The overall impact upon our development of any single influence from any of these three sources can be either negative or positive.
8. Every individual is subjected to many thousands of influences every day, some of these influences being directed toward evil and some being directed toward Allah.
9. To overcome the influence of evil (movement toward the material) and move toward Allah (the spiritual) takes consistent and concentrated effort.

10. If we do not recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we will go whichever way the influences take us, thereby too often moving away from Allah and toward evil.

11. If we can recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we can use the laws of learning to limit the affect of the negative influences upon us and to increase the affect of the positive influences upon us, thereby moving continuously away from evil and moving toward Allah.

12. When we see an influence upon us that we know would push us away from Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can take away the power of that negative influence.

13. When we see an influence upon us that we know would help us move toward Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can add greatly to the power of that positive influence.

14. As we learn to recognize all the influences upon us from the inner and outer realms of the environment, when we learn to correctly identify those influences as being either negative or positive upon our development, and when we learn to use our inner speech to say the correct things after each one of those negative or positive influences (which will reduce the power of the negative and increase the power of the positive), then we will begin naturally and inevitably to move away from all that is wrong and harmful, and we will begin to move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.

15. An individual who does these things cannot fail to become a good and right human being; and, a society that does these things cannot fail to become a good and right society.

GENERAL LAWS OF LEARNING

1. Basically, all laws of learning involve what is commonly called reward and punishment.
2. Any behaviour that is followed by reward (reinforcement) will tend to increase in the future.
3. There are two classes of reward: when something that is desired is given after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, if you were to smile at your child after he/she says something nice); and, when something that is disliked is removed after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, when your feeling of shame for some wrong you have done is removed by offering sincere repentance and seeking forgiveness from Allah).
4. Any behaviour that is followed by punishment will tend to decrease in the future.
5. There are two classes of punishment: when something that is disliked occurs after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if you were to hit your child after he/she says something rude); and, when something that is liked is removed after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if your child is not allowed to continue playing after hitting a playmate).
6. Punishment is always harmful to the child even if it seems to achieve the parent’s goal.
7. The undesirable side effects of punishment are: the child will sometimes try to escape from or retaliate (fight) against the punishing situation; the child will sometimes have negative feelings toward whoever punishes him/her; and, punishment usually remains effective only when the possibility of punishment is clearly present.
8. The alternative to punishment should not be permissiveness (meaning to let your child do anything they want), if there is anything more harmful to the child’s development than punishment it is permissiveness.
9. The right alternative to punishment in raising a child is called directed positive influence.

10. Directed positive influence means to reward (with praise, attention or an occasional small gift) your child after they do things that are good and right, while gently providing correction when your child does wrong.

11. The younger you start using directed positive influence with your child the easier it will be for you and the more effective it will be in helping your child develop into a good and right human being.

12. To provide effective Islamic parenting you must understand the concept of ’shaping’.

13. Shaping is the consistent rewarding of successive small steps toward any desired goal for your child.

14. With the shaping process correctly and consistently in effect there is no positive goal that cannot be achieved.

15. Set every goal at perfection, being rewarding of successful steps along that unending path but never punishing the non-arrival at that perfect goal.

16. The beginning steps in the shaping process should be kept small so they are easily accomplished successfully.

17. If during the shaping process you make any step so large that it cannot be accomplished then the progress toward the desired goal will come to a stop, and often revert back to a much less desired level.

18. Lots of reward should be given at the beginning of the shaping process and then should be gradually reduced in the later stages.

19. If reward is given after every behaviour in the shaping process this is called ‘continuous reinforcement’.

20. Continuous reinforcement is very good for getting progress toward some desired goal underway.

21. The problem with continuous reinforcement is that the behaviour can become too dependent on the reward, and could stop quickly if the reward stops.

22. If reward is given not after every behaviour in the shaping process but after only some behaviours this is called ‘variable reinforcement’.

23. Variable reinforcement is a good way to maintain progress toward a desired goal without the behaviour becoming too dependent on the reward, so that your child does not always expect to be rewarded for their right behaviour.

24. To make the shaping process most effective you should teach your child how to reward their successful progress with inner speech, their own thoughts and feelings, so reward from others is no longer necessary to maintain good and right behaviour.

25. It is good to always discuss your goals for your child with him/her so that you are consciously working together to achieve goals you both desire.

26. It will help your child greatly in their development if you can teach him/her the specifics of the laws of learning that you are using to help them become good and right human beings.

27. For most effective parenting everyone in the family group should be made aware of and helped to understand these laws of learning, should try to relate to each other on the basis of these laws of learning, and should share, appreciate and work together to achieve the desired goals.

SPECIFICS OF EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING

1. For Islamic parenting to be most effective there must be a truly Islamic society, so part of your responsibility as Muslim parents is to help recreate a right Islamic world.
2. Parental love for their children is a Mercy from Allah, not only in humans but even in animals.
3. In Islam the love of a parent for their child is so taken for granted that it is not even thought necessary to state this as a requirement for parents.
4. In Islam the main responsibility the parent has to their child is to provide for their education (this is to be understood in the broadest possible sense, including all things that assist the child to become a good and right human being).
5. The Qur’an also places great responsibility on the child in regard to their parents, requiring the child to be kind to the parents, to help their parents in their old age, to never speak to their parents with contempt, to never reject their parents, to honour their parents, and to fulfil all these responsibilities with humility.
6. Every child should be taught from their earliest years about their responsibility as a vicegerent(khalifah) of Allah; that it is their duty as vicegerent to transform themselves into Muslims living in true submission to the Will of Allah, that it is their duty to transform all of human society into an Islamic society living in true submission to the Will of Allah, and that it their duty to transform the physical world of space and time into a garden paradise for Allah.
7. Raise your child to be a courageous Muslim, willing to struggle against evil in the greater and lesser jihad, as this will be necessary to create a right Islamic world for the future.
8. Raise your child to fully believe they will successfully create and live in a truly Islamic world, because belief is critical to successfully achieving any goal.
9. Anything that you believe will happen is more likely to happen because you will find ways (both consciously and unconsciously) to make sure it happens, and anything that you don’t believe will happen is less likely to happen because you will find ways to make sure it doesn’t happen; this fact is known as the ’self-fulfilling prophesy’.

10. The parent should never let their love for their child prevent them from doing what is right for their child (for example neglecting to correct the child when he/she does wrong).

11. If there is a conflict of interests, the requirements of Islam have priority over the desires of the child (for example, if the child would rather play than pray).

12. Teach your child to love Allah, The Prophet, Islam, and Islamic values.

13. Teach your child to see all things and understand all things from the perspective of Islam.

14. In Islam if it becomes necessary to correct your child for some wrongdoing this must be done according to a certain hierarchy: first, explain to your child in a gentle way how they have overstepped some limit from rightness into wrong; second, if the gentle instruction does not result in the child correcting that wrong behaviour, you should indicate your disapproval of that wrong behaviour by withdrawing your favour (for example, do not give smiles, hugs or kind words to your child at such times); and third, only as a last resort, your child can be physically punished (beaten) if they do not correct the wrong behaviour.

15. In Islam if it becomes necessary for you to beat your child there are specific rules and limitations: you may not hit your child on the face or stomach, you may not hit your child more than a maximum of three times, and you may not hit your child hard enough to leave a cut or bruise on the skin.

16. You should never hit your child when you are angry, not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.

17. It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.

18. It is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.

19. Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once hit a child, a woman or a servant.

20. Do not argue with your child, as there is almost never any benefit in doing so.

21. Although your child might well choose to pray at a younger age, at seven years of age your child should be required to pray through gentle encouragement; and, at ten years of age your child can be beaten for not praying, although this circumstance should never arise with correct Islamic parenting.

22. Your child should be taught to memorize the Qur’an, the benefits are many and much wider in scope than is often believed in these modern times.

23. At every age there must be appropriate rights given to your child and necessary limits set upon your child’s behaviour, which will allow your child to fully explore their human potential while not causing harm to themselves, harm to others or damage to their surroundings.

24. If you see your child doing something wrong it is usually not even necessary to mention the thing that is wrong, instead, it is often sufficient (and always more desirable) only to say how much you like the right thing which is the opposite of the wrong being done.

25. You should not expose your child’s failings or wrongdoings in front of others, if this must be done it is best if it be done privately.

26. Don’t give much attention to the bad or wrong things your child does and says, but give lots of attention to the good or right things your child does and says.

27. You should, of course, always love your child unconditionally, but you should only express that love at times which are most beneficial to your child.

28. You should at all times be a model of a good and right human being (Muslim) for your child.
bismillaahir rahmaanir rahiim

EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING

(Read each morning!!!)

1. I am raising my child to be a successful vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic World.
2. Today I will try my best to know and understand all the influences upon my child’s development.
3. Today I will try my best to help my child understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her to Allah.
4. Today I will try my best to shield my child from the power of the negative influences to take him/her away from Allah.
5. Today I will try my best to enhance (increase) the power of the positive influences upon my child to take him/her toward llah.
6. Today I will try my best to notice some positive things my child does or says, and tell him/her how much those things are appreciated by me and by Allah.
7. Today I will try my best to say nothing negative to my child. Even if I have to correct my child’s wrong behaviour I will try my best to find some positive way to do so.
8. Today I will love my child unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times which are most beneficial to my child.
9. Today I will try my best to be an example of a good and right human being (Muslim) for my child.

10. Today I will pray for Allah’s help that I can be a good parent for my child.

Source: The Khalifah Project – Towards an Islamic World http://www.islamic-world.net/khalifah-project/EIP.htm